THROUGH TO THE NEW:
A Dialogue with Higher Self
Transforming
Hopelessness and Despair
through Unconditional Love
PART V
Text and Images
(c) Copyright 2022 by Neall Calvert
 |
| "Raining Glory" -- Husky Gas Station, Campbell River |
To read the Introduction
and Parts I - IV, go to:
neallcalvert2.blogspot.ca/2010/12/through-to-new-dialogue-with-higher.html
and Parts I - IV, go to:
neallcalvert2.blogspot.ca/2010/12/through-to-new-dialogue-with-higher.html
January 28, 2017: Timmy Ho's Willow Point, South Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Right with you, Mr. Neall.
Thank you. I could use a recharge here, dear friend, though I'm in much better shape than last week at this time. I'm becoming more outspoken, more assertive, less guilt-ridden -- and '10% happier' (thinking of the Dan Harris book 10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works). I've been practising piano most days lately; I have no worries about this being the darkest time of the year; I'm reading lots of spiritual messengers online (Saint Germain and Neem Karoli Baba websites); I don't have to drag myself to the gym; I had my first long phone call with a Sananda / Jesus channelling acquaintance in Halifax, after I mentioned to him on Facebook that I had had two encounters with Saint Germain last summer through using the Saint Germain mantra "I am a being of violet fire, I am the purity God desires" for 20-30 minutes while driving. His heartfelt congratulations on my spiritual progress made my day—several days, in fact . . .
. . . I believe I'm 'getting off the fence' about being spiritual-minded and moving into the lightworker camp full-time, as many spiritual sources I've read recently say it is time to do (including Kryon at www.kryon.com). The message I received on my brief December 27 'holiday' trip to Tofino (in the rain and snow), as I woke up in the morning—"My job is to bring people to God with my writing" -- has helped to focus me. . . . What's the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, dear friend?
Dear Mr. Neall: You can congratulate yourself too. And so will we. . . . Perseverance is a wonderful quality to have developed, friend. You followed our advice: "Don't quit." And you surrendered on these pages last week, big time. You stated your unique geopolitical views in a Facebook dialogue today, and now you feel some power. 'Long time coming', Mr. Neall, so it feels like a big breath of fresh air. Again, congratulations.
I wept today reading a Ram Dass piece on The Path of Love, so I put a little sign bearing those words at the top of my computer screen. I am longing to know the kind of love he talks about in that article. I experienced it back in the 1990s when I was involved with a Hindu guru. I want to feel that again: 'sat-chit-ananda': 'truth-bliss-consciousness' . . . [yawning] . . . Can you help me, Higher Self?
Dear Mr. Neall: We are always with you—day and night. Let us fill you up with the peace and love that you seek; the freedom from fear and worry, lack and social conflict; the liberation from 'mind-forg'd manacles' of all kinds; the flexibility of body and mind; the state of constant forgiveness you would like to live in; the happiness. We will not let you down -- never have and never will. We are constant companions in spiritual growth. Believe in this and you shall be saved, uplifted, transformed -- forever. Guaranteed.
Wow. I think it's true. I'm emerging 'out of the box'. It's been 'lifetimes of feeling bound up'; tense; tight; unable to express my deep thoughts and feelings; unable to break free into 'soul being', into emotional liberation. . . . And you'll be my partner, my guide and mentor for all of this . . . ?
You are tuned in, Mr. Neall. Rewards come to those who are surrendered -- rewards of all kinds, including your favourite: freedom from fear and worry.
That's why I keep up my disciplines: prayer, meditation, walking, writing, piano playing and singing. Thank you for helping me strengthen my practices -- and thus my liberation from the past, from depressive feelings, from aimlessness. I feel the need for a major 'repurposing' these days; a big step 'into the light'. Help me stay balanced as I move into this new territory . . .
Gladly we do so, Mr. Neall. Stop and ask for directions at any time. Remember: There is no limit to our capacity to be helpful. None. We are unlimited. . . . You can meditate on that on your way home. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your best friend. Your Higher Self.
February 4, 2017: Home, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC
I wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We're always nearby, Mr. Neall.
It's 'crunch time', dear friend. I'm out of ideas and the back is in spasm again. Complete overwhelm. Don't want to see anyone. Can't see where I'm going. Am overstimulated from having spent too much time on the Internet. Running out of money; credit card balances rising. There's six inches of fresh snow this morning, it's 7:00 a.m., and I still haven't heard the sounds of snowplows on the main road, two hundred feet away, which is mildly annoying. Surely they should have been out before the day's traffic began? . . .
. . . Still, I've kept up my prayer and meditation and walking sessions, including last night in several inches of snow, with fresh flakes falling. But it's so hard to love myself today, dear friend. I believe I am dealing with annihilation scenarios from childhood or even past lives. Yet there's no one I know who does past-life regressions (idea: there is someone in Campbell River who does them, I recall). . . . What's the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery this morning, friend? . . . I seek to 'surrender to sanity, to wholeness' yet again. What would help today? Where is my light?
Dear Mr. Neall: . . . [yawning] . . . We are the light and we have not abandoned you. We will not let you down, though your physical pain level is affecting your mind today. We cannot go anywhere, Mr. Neall. We simply ARE. We simply ARE . . . EVERYWHERE. . . . Do not fear. Do not worry. Our power is greater than both, as you have experienced previously. Let's see if we can go there again . . . [yawning] . . .
Since you are limitless (do I even believe in limitlessness today?) that should, theoretically at least, be possible . . . [yawning] . . . and you are a Higher Power . . . [yawning] . . .
Indeed. We are not bound by 'the limitations of a mind in pain' . . . [burping; yawning] . . . We are bound by 'the law of compassion'.
That's helpful already . . . [yawning] . . .
We will help anyone, anywhere, any time, with any problem . . . [yawning] . . .
Which includes me. . . . Living a spiritual life seems to involve asking, at times, for spiritual help. I seem to forget that; or I don't want to appear 'needy' -- which I guess is an 'ego problem': EGO, as in 'Easing God Out'. . . . And I surrender by sitting down and taking pen in hand once again; releasing stuck energy and stuck attitudes, filling up with the good stuff.
You've got it.
Restoring my faith.
Right again.
Today that seems like a huge step. I seem to have a vested interest in not being powerful or connected or in touch with my ability to heal myself and others.
Yes, that happens sometimes.
And it's okay? It's not 'a terminal condition'? Because that's what it feels like.
Is it?
Apparently not. I just need to surrender to keeping the pen moving. There is discipline involved . . . some amount of effort.
But not too much for you?
I've been thinking of lying down, actually; trying to get more sleep; stopping the writing.
That's also okay -- no judgment.
You make things 'too easy'.
That's our 'job'. It's called 'radiating unconditional love'.
And 'all' I need to do is surrender to it -- over and over again . . .
Exactly. That's your 'job' . . . [bathroom break; in that room, I can't help but see a sign I have posted: 'Movement is Joy'] . . .
This writing is the most important thing I do, then, because it teaches me things at a deep level -- a life-saving level, a life-nourishing level.
You're catching on.
And you'll never leave me -- once more I ask . . .
And again we respond: "We will never leave you, Mr. Neall -- ever. We cannot. We are part of you."
That's basically all I need to know, then . . . that's the Big Picture.
It was never meant to be complicated.
That's an idea worth letting sink in.
Indeed. Worth celebrating (a good word to remember). . . . Remember the name of your first long-term spiritual centre in Vancouver: 'The Celebration of Life Centre'. That's what you were doing there on Sunday mornings: conviviality; good music; uplifting message; 'return to spirit' . . . just what you're doing now.
I've been learning . . .
You definitely have. Can you now let go of self-criticism and self-judgment? Celebrate yourself a bit?
That's the path? That's 'where I'm going'?
Why not? . . . [yawning] . . .
With you as 'constant companion'?
Of course. . . . And you can 'take that to the bank'.
I will. . . . Thank you -- again.
You're welcome again. . . .Vaya con Dios. Your celebrating Higher Self.
February 18, 2017: Timmy Ho's Willow Point, South Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Right here with you, Mr. Neall.
Lots of good news, dear friend, dear 'elder brother'. Major healing two days ago with release of deep past-life pain during a counselling session. And today, led a successful music teaching / singing session with a potential musical partner, N.W. I feel empowered, energized, whole, real, useful and engaged with life. Future-oriented. I pray that all of these qualities, this positivity, can be magnified. . . . In that vein, what's the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?
Dear Mr. Neall: We congratulate you on your progress. We honour this partnership -- another symbol of your positive development. Please know that we will never leave you -- there is no end to this relationship. It is eternal; it does not need to end at a certain level of success / recovery, as you've been thinking. We don't 'level out'; we are unlimited, dear friend, and eternal.
Fabulous reinforcement and support. Just what I would expect, given what I know about my Higher Self so far. That knowledge is expanding through my current reading, a book from Lucis Trust Publishing called Serving Humanity, channelled by the Ascended Master Djwhal Khul, also known as The Tibetan. It's a book that has sat on my bookshelf for at least ten years. Now I understand more clearly what is in it; what it means to 'serve humanity'; to have 'friends in high places'; to fill up the empty spaces in one's soul; to feel purposeful: 'on a path'.
You have not shirked from educating yourself, Mr. Neall. You have persevered. We honour your struggle to overcome your deficiencies and negativity, your feelings of hopelessness and impotent rage and despair. And we will not shirk our own 'job' -- being available anywhere, any time, for any problem, and as long as it takes to evolve out of it. Guaranteed.
There's not much else to say in the face of such 'overwhelming' support. Thank you for continuing to be with me as I go forward to sing and play piano more confidently and powerfully than ever before; as I become a compassionate and effective singing coach -- as well as life coach / spiritual guide and published (yes!) writer . . . [burping] . . . and become a healthy and energized and contributing member of society.
We want nothing more / nothing less than you being happy and peaceful, dear Mr. Neall, and again, we promise to do our part to bring that about: 'constant companionship', 'forever friendship' and 'permanent partnership'.
Awesome. I accept, of course. I wish to keep growing, and I have found a path that works for me, a lifestyle that I like: it's called 'constant growth'. . . . I am becoming free from the past by 'yoking' myself to the Divine; by 'opening to the Infinite' -- as yoga teaches also.
You've got it, Mr. Neall. We (the Divine) won't let you down. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your fair- and foul-weather friend. Your Higher Self.
February 27, 2017: Fuel Up Café, Campbell River Airport, Jubilee Parkway, Campbell River, BC
I wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Right with you, Mr. Neall.
Thank you. I could use a recharge here, dear friend, though I'm in much better shape than last week at this time. I'm becoming more outspoken, more assertive, less guilt-ridden -- and '10% happier' (thinking of the Dan Harris book 10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works). I've been practising piano most days lately; I have no worries about this being the darkest time of the year; I'm reading lots of spiritual messengers online (Saint Germain and Neem Karoli Baba websites); I don't have to drag myself to the gym; I had my first long phone call with a Sananda / Jesus channelling acquaintance in Halifax, after I mentioned to him on Facebook that I had had two encounters with Saint Germain last summer through using the Saint Germain mantra "I am a being of violet fire, I am the purity God desires" for 20-30 minutes while driving. His heartfelt congratulations on my spiritual progress made my day—several days, in fact . . .
. . . I believe I'm 'getting off the fence' about being spiritual-minded and moving into the lightworker camp full-time, as many spiritual sources I've read recently say it is time to do (including Kryon at www.kryon.com). The message I received on my brief December 27 'holiday' trip to Tofino (in the rain and snow), as I woke up in the morning—"My job is to bring people to God with my writing" -- has helped to focus me. . . . What's the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, dear friend?
Dear Mr. Neall: You can congratulate yourself too. And so will we. . . . Perseverance is a wonderful quality to have developed, friend. You followed our advice: "Don't quit." And you surrendered on these pages last week, big time. You stated your unique geopolitical views in a Facebook dialogue today, and now you feel some power. 'Long time coming', Mr. Neall, so it feels like a big breath of fresh air. Again, congratulations.
I wept today reading a Ram Dass piece on The Path of Love, so I put a little sign bearing those words at the top of my computer screen. I am longing to know the kind of love he talks about in that article. I experienced it back in the 1990s when I was involved with a Hindu guru. I want to feel that again: 'sat-chit-ananda': 'truth-bliss-consciousness' . . . [yawning] . . . Can you help me, Higher Self?
Dear Mr. Neall: We are always with you—day and night. Let us fill you up with the peace and love that you seek; the freedom from fear and worry, lack and social conflict; the liberation from 'mind-forg'd manacles' of all kinds; the flexibility of body and mind; the state of constant forgiveness you would like to live in; the happiness. We will not let you down -- never have and never will. We are constant companions in spiritual growth. Believe in this and you shall be saved, uplifted, transformed -- forever. Guaranteed.
Wow. I think it's true. I'm emerging 'out of the box'. It's been 'lifetimes of feeling bound up'; tense; tight; unable to express my deep thoughts and feelings; unable to break free into 'soul being', into emotional liberation. . . . And you'll be my partner, my guide and mentor for all of this . . . ?
You are tuned in, Mr. Neall. Rewards come to those who are surrendered -- rewards of all kinds, including your favourite: freedom from fear and worry.
That's why I keep up my disciplines: prayer, meditation, walking, writing, piano playing and singing. Thank you for helping me strengthen my practices -- and thus my liberation from the past, from depressive feelings, from aimlessness. I feel the need for a major 'repurposing' these days; a big step 'into the light'. Help me stay balanced as I move into this new territory . . .
Gladly we do so, Mr. Neall. Stop and ask for directions at any time. Remember: There is no limit to our capacity to be helpful. None. We are unlimited. . . . You can meditate on that on your way home. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your best friend. Your Higher Self.
February 4, 2017: Home, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC
I wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We're always nearby, Mr. Neall.
It's 'crunch time', dear friend. I'm out of ideas and the back is in spasm again. Complete overwhelm. Don't want to see anyone. Can't see where I'm going. Am overstimulated from having spent too much time on the Internet. Running out of money; credit card balances rising. There's six inches of fresh snow this morning, it's 7:00 a.m., and I still haven't heard the sounds of snowplows on the main road, two hundred feet away, which is mildly annoying. Surely they should have been out before the day's traffic began? . . .
. . . Still, I've kept up my prayer and meditation and walking sessions, including last night in several inches of snow, with fresh flakes falling. But it's so hard to love myself today, dear friend. I believe I am dealing with annihilation scenarios from childhood or even past lives. Yet there's no one I know who does past-life regressions (idea: there is someone in Campbell River who does them, I recall). . . . What's the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery this morning, friend? . . . I seek to 'surrender to sanity, to wholeness' yet again. What would help today? Where is my light?
Dear Mr. Neall: . . . [yawning] . . . We are the light and we have not abandoned you. We will not let you down, though your physical pain level is affecting your mind today. We cannot go anywhere, Mr. Neall. We simply ARE. We simply ARE . . . EVERYWHERE. . . . Do not fear. Do not worry. Our power is greater than both, as you have experienced previously. Let's see if we can go there again . . . [yawning] . . .
Since you are limitless (do I even believe in limitlessness today?) that should, theoretically at least, be possible . . . [yawning] . . . and you are a Higher Power . . . [yawning] . . .
Indeed. We are not bound by 'the limitations of a mind in pain' . . . [burping; yawning] . . . We are bound by 'the law of compassion'.
That's helpful already . . . [yawning] . . .
We will help anyone, anywhere, any time, with any problem . . . [yawning] . . .
Which includes me. . . . Living a spiritual life seems to involve asking, at times, for spiritual help. I seem to forget that; or I don't want to appear 'needy' -- which I guess is an 'ego problem': EGO, as in 'Easing God Out'. . . . And I surrender by sitting down and taking pen in hand once again; releasing stuck energy and stuck attitudes, filling up with the good stuff.
You've got it.
Restoring my faith.
Right again.
Today that seems like a huge step. I seem to have a vested interest in not being powerful or connected or in touch with my ability to heal myself and others.
Yes, that happens sometimes.
And it's okay? It's not 'a terminal condition'? Because that's what it feels like.
Is it?
Apparently not. I just need to surrender to keeping the pen moving. There is discipline involved . . . some amount of effort.
But not too much for you?
I've been thinking of lying down, actually; trying to get more sleep; stopping the writing.
That's also okay -- no judgment.
You make things 'too easy'.
That's our 'job'. It's called 'radiating unconditional love'.
And 'all' I need to do is surrender to it -- over and over again . . .
Exactly. That's your 'job' . . . [bathroom break; in that room, I can't help but see a sign I have posted: 'Movement is Joy'] . . .
This writing is the most important thing I do, then, because it teaches me things at a deep level -- a life-saving level, a life-nourishing level.
You're catching on.
And you'll never leave me -- once more I ask . . .
And again we respond: "We will never leave you, Mr. Neall -- ever. We cannot. We are part of you."
That's basically all I need to know, then . . . that's the Big Picture.
It was never meant to be complicated.
That's an idea worth letting sink in.
Indeed. Worth celebrating (a good word to remember). . . . Remember the name of your first long-term spiritual centre in Vancouver: 'The Celebration of Life Centre'. That's what you were doing there on Sunday mornings: conviviality; good music; uplifting message; 'return to spirit' . . . just what you're doing now.
I've been learning . . .
You definitely have. Can you now let go of self-criticism and self-judgment? Celebrate yourself a bit?
That's the path? That's 'where I'm going'?
Why not? . . . [yawning] . . .
With you as 'constant companion'?
Of course. . . . And you can 'take that to the bank'.
I will. . . . Thank you -- again.
You're welcome again. . . .Vaya con Dios. Your celebrating Higher Self.
 |
| 'Phoenix Rising', Vancouver |
February 18, 2017: Timmy Ho's Willow Point, South Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Right here with you, Mr. Neall.
Lots of good news, dear friend, dear 'elder brother'. Major healing two days ago with release of deep past-life pain during a counselling session. And today, led a successful music teaching / singing session with a potential musical partner, N.W. I feel empowered, energized, whole, real, useful and engaged with life. Future-oriented. I pray that all of these qualities, this positivity, can be magnified. . . . In that vein, what's the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?
Dear Mr. Neall: We congratulate you on your progress. We honour this partnership -- another symbol of your positive development. Please know that we will never leave you -- there is no end to this relationship. It is eternal; it does not need to end at a certain level of success / recovery, as you've been thinking. We don't 'level out'; we are unlimited, dear friend, and eternal.
Fabulous reinforcement and support. Just what I would expect, given what I know about my Higher Self so far. That knowledge is expanding through my current reading, a book from Lucis Trust Publishing called Serving Humanity, channelled by the Ascended Master Djwhal Khul, also known as The Tibetan. It's a book that has sat on my bookshelf for at least ten years. Now I understand more clearly what is in it; what it means to 'serve humanity'; to have 'friends in high places'; to fill up the empty spaces in one's soul; to feel purposeful: 'on a path'.
You have not shirked from educating yourself, Mr. Neall. You have persevered. We honour your struggle to overcome your deficiencies and negativity, your feelings of hopelessness and impotent rage and despair. And we will not shirk our own 'job' -- being available anywhere, any time, for any problem, and as long as it takes to evolve out of it. Guaranteed.
There's not much else to say in the face of such 'overwhelming' support. Thank you for continuing to be with me as I go forward to sing and play piano more confidently and powerfully than ever before; as I become a compassionate and effective singing coach -- as well as life coach / spiritual guide and published (yes!) writer . . . [burping] . . . and become a healthy and energized and contributing member of society.
We want nothing more / nothing less than you being happy and peaceful, dear Mr. Neall, and again, we promise to do our part to bring that about: 'constant companionship', 'forever friendship' and 'permanent partnership'.
Awesome. I accept, of course. I wish to keep growing, and I have found a path that works for me, a lifestyle that I like: it's called 'constant growth'. . . . I am becoming free from the past by 'yoking' myself to the Divine; by 'opening to the Infinite' -- as yoga teaches also.
You've got it, Mr. Neall. We (the Divine) won't let you down. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your fair- and foul-weather friend. Your Higher Self.
February 27, 2017: Fuel Up Café, Campbell River Airport, Jubilee Parkway, Campbell River, BC
I wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always close by, Mr. Neall.
Lots of progress, dear friend, but today I'm suffering with back pain and in 'silent retreat mode'. Once again, I've sent a letter to my girlfriend in Vancouver, and once again I've gone into 'pain syndrome' afterwards. My best detective work (so far) says that every time I admit I'm in a love relationship, or talk about love, or communicate for more that a few minutes from a place of love, something in me gets triggered -- likely the abused-child part of me that never experienced being loved; that never experienced adequate nurturing or physical body self-acceptance, due to violence; that has a limited capacity for intimacy. And this 'father violence' is what has prevented me -- for lifetimes -- from successfully moving out into the world . . .
. . . I found out yesterday that I'm soon to have a major piece of writing published in the journal Recovering the Self -- my memoir / essay "Growing Up on a Tractor: Darkness and Light Among the Fraser Valley Mennonites." Another step forward, dear friend -- and also a cause of stress, for the reasons listed above. . . . Given all this, what's the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today?
Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that we are with you, and that we enjoy being with you in partnership -- a partnership that comes with no criticism, no judgment, no deleterious activity of any kind: just loads of caring, love and concern for your orderly development. It is no effort for us, Mr. Neall, and it never needs to end. Soak it up, dear one -- a nourishing teaching the likes of which you are now learning to receive . . . [yawning] . . . Congratulations on your victory over negativity, to be able to receive in this way.
Filling up is just what I'm in need of, dear friend and partner. I wish my budget allowed for an hour-long massage or that my Jin Shin Do practitioner hadn't moved 50 kilometres away . . . [yawning] . . . My options seem fairly limited: meditation, prayer, gym workouts followed by a long hot shower, and Higher Self dialogue . . . [yawning] . . . Perhaps it's enough. Three days ago, in the midst of a dark moment (felt like death) I realized 'I'm about to find out how strong my spiritual practice is', and chose to sit down and meditate for an hour . . . [yawning] . . . At about the 40-minute mark, I was stunned to find the Dalai Lama, as a spirit, in my living room, facing me. After overcoming my awkwardness over someone 'so important' wanting to interact with me, to help me, I began to be able to appreciate the healing energy that accompanied him. I 'guessed' that I was dealing the problems of the poet Friedrich Hölderlin (so, a past-life issue, and reincarnation is a big part of Buddhist belief) . . . "You're one of us," I imagined he was saying to me . . .
. . . So, now I know more about where I belong: with the meditating Buddhists . . . who believe in reincarnation. It's a different approach on life to what most Westerners are living. And the Dalai Lama, of course, is the most famous current example of someone who believes in reincarnation. . . . I think I've got a new mentor. That was quite a day . . . [yawning] . . .
Dear Mr. Neall: . . . [yawning] . . . You are learning 'the rules of the game'. Namely, that help is always available -- good help. . . . You've turned the corner, dear friend . . . [yawning] . . . Congratulations. Another step forward, another step out of the painful past. Another step into connectedness and self-aware living, and a stronger identity . . . [yawning] . . . based in present time . . . [yawning] . . .
And this partnership continues . . . I've got 'good companionship for the journey': 'upliftment par excellence'.
You've worked for it, Mr. Neall: 33 months of meditating for an hour a day, and then when a crisis hits, you know what to do: you 'trust in the process'; you bring out your familiar tools . . . [yawning] . . . and they work . . . [yawning] . . .
Surely I am waking up, not only today with all this yawning, but from 'the sleep of lifetimes'. This awakening is what it will take to heal my life and to create 'a future unlike my past'.
You've got it, Pontiac: No blame, no shame; new energy, new life. Mr. Neall, lightworker, knows what to do. He has discovered his seventh chakra, where his knowingness resides; and from this comes certainty -- confidence that he can help anyone who comes to him requiring it.
I think we're done for today. Kudos all around. May God prevail, may Good prevail, throughout the Universe, day and night, night and day.
So be it, friend. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your refuelling agent, your Higher Self.
March 4, 2017: Timmy Ho's Willow Point, South Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always with you, Mr. Neall.
Thank you. . . . I just reread the previous session. This nurturing support is much appreciated -- from a 'limitless source' for whom giving requires no effort, as I struggle once again with exhaustion and seeming purposelessness. Still, there is much to explore: a new book on the 18th-19th century German poet Friedrich Hölderlin that arrived in the mail this week [We Are Like Fire (transl. and introd. by Eric Miller); see my essay "Friedrich Hölderlin, Germany's 'Poet of the Gods'" at neallcalvert.blogspot.ca/2013/01/v-behaviorurldefaultvmlo.html ]; and there are 'ancient astronaut' theories and evidence to explore on the worldwide web . . .
. . . I want to replace the unhappy connections of the Christian Bible from my mind, with all its personal associations of authoritarian repression, terror and mindless, uncaring behaviours. The ancient astronaut stories go back much further in history, and encompass all the evidence of past civilizations on Earth and unusual events both on Earth and in outer space. They resonate with me, as my search for truth and belonging goes on. . . . What's the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, dear friend? How can I become less exhausted and more purposeful, more 'pulled forward'?
Dear Mr. Neall: Please recall that we will never cease making ourselves available to you -- never. We will be 'as steady as the stars'. Our love and caring fill this Universe, dear friend -- and always have. . . . You are starting to get the Big Picture. The story is much broader and deeper than the world has been led to believe . . . and so you are liberating yourself from 'the box' of regimented ideas and historical and spiritual untruths, 'lifting the lid' on a new, light-filled way of living. Congratulations. We will never abandon you in this journey you're on . . .
. . . Keep studying and researching, listening to Kryon [channelled] presentations [currently speaking from Egypt during a tour of the ancient temples; see www.kryon.com/menuKryon/]; keep doing your disciplines, friend. We will not let you down. We are eternal, available and endlessly willing to help. No effort here. Just ask. Just sit down and write.
It's hard to believe sometimes that it can be so simple to connect with a source of mercy, compassion, love, intelligence, wisdom, caring and concern -- to connect with the Big Picture version of life, with the effortlessness of this 'work'. Yet I remember writing in these pages last year that I am a channel, and if I'm not doing this 'work', I am 'barking up the wrong tree' -- which means that life becomes a struggle. Please help me to see how this can build a future for me.
Dear Mr. Neall: Like Mr. Lee Carroll [original and most well-known channel of Kryon], you are developing a 'partnership for the understanding of life' -- life in all of its multidimensional facets: soulful life. That is the direction and purpose of this work. When you know it well enough and are 'filled up' with it -- with love and light -- it will begin 'spilling over' into the larger world. You will know what to do; you will know how to reach others with your message of soul retrieval; of reconnection to the Divine. Again: We will not deny you our presence -- as you are slowly coming to realize in your daily affairs, where this conversation also goes on at times now.
Indeed. . . . So, where do I go from here? A lack of income is becoming more of a problem, and I'm not sure how to proceed with the exhaustion and lower back issues.
Feel the longing, Mr. Neall. Feel the frustration and the suppressed rage, the feeling of being trapped in the past, this lifetime and previous ones. This depth is mainly addressed in the deep silence of meditation, and also in your mantra work. Both help move stuck emotions out and bring you into present time -- manifesting as the burping and belching that often occurs. This is the path. This is when your guides and teachers can help you: when the mind stills . . . [tears and yawning] . . .
That is where discipline is involved: I am a disciple of this teaching through my discipline. It's my free-will choice whether or not to sit down and meditate, pray, or dialogue with pen and paper.
You've got it, Pontiac. That's the answer. . . . Time to sing "You've got a friend"? [by Carole King] --
A friend who never lets me down . . . a 'caring elder brother' . . .
Right again.
One who 'knows my name and sees it written in light' -- as I heard Kryon mention recently . . . [yawning] . . . who knows everything about me (as I discovered on my 1990 Europe trip in a mystical experience in the Bonn Hauptbahnhof [main railway station]) . . . [See my memoir article "Voice in the Light": neallcalvert.blogspot.ca/2014/07/voice-in-light.html]
Yes . . . And how is the partnership doing tonight?
I needed to go to a new depth; to know you were there in the most unworkable parts of life. Because that's how things feel sometimes -- unworkable. But with a pen and a journal sometimes they can be worked out. Which provides hope: the opposite of hopelessness; the opposite of the despair and exhaustion of Friedrich Hölderlin.
Yes. Please recall that we are also 'the most skillful therapist'.
A multitasker --
A multidimensional multitasker.
Seems almost unfathomable --
But not quite . . . ?
Yes. I'm encouraged by author and speaker David Wilcock, whose book Ascension Mysteries: The Cosmic Battle between Good and Evil I just finished reading on today's mini-holiday, sitting in the truck in the late winter sun by the large open field at Quinsam Crossing. He learned automatic writing and channelling as part of his healing journey. He's a like-minded fellow who also felt 'out of place' for years. . . . Bless him; may I encounter many more of his calibre, of his courage and perseverance . . .
. . . And so I retire the pen for today, having felt thoroughly heard; strengthened from my discipline of Higher Self dialogue and grateful for all those helping to uplift humanity -- even by 'just' dialoguing or even 'just' listening. That's a gift to give others -- listening. . . . Vaya con Dios. May God (The Light) prevail everywhere in the Universe . . . [burping] . . .
Let Light prevail, Mr. Neall -- in you, as you, around you and through you -- forever. . . . Signed: Your always-attentive Higher Self.
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| 'Startling Starlings of Sophia Street' |
March 14, 2017: Quinsam Crossing parking lot, view across a huge grassy field, Highway 19 at Willis Road, Campbell River, BC
I wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always close by, Mr. Neall.
Dear friend: I've become cynical and jaded -- it's another version of hopelessness and despair, I'm thinking. I've made deep progress via my counselling program, then have collapsed into an inflamed lower back again that drives me into solitude and separation. What's the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today? How can I best get back on the path of simplicity, inner peace and happiness?
Dear Mr. Neall: Yet again, when troubled, you pick up your pen; you turn to a Higher Power; you demonstrate faith . . . [burping] . . . We will not let you down . . . [yawning] . . . We are your friend, dear one: a notion you are encountering in other places recently [the movie The Shack (the book was a surprise bestseller; see the New York Times review: www.nytimes.com/2008/06/24/books/24shack.html); channeled writing by Pamela Kribbe (www.jeshua.net/)] . . . [yawning] . . . Recall that with us, you cannot fail . . . [burping] . . . you cannot fail to progress into happiness and inner peace . . . [yawning] . . . into effective living . . . one day at a time . . . one writing session at a time.
I'm learning empathy with my counsellor. She provides a nonjudgmental, safe and supportive environment (two large dogs, a Shepherd and a Golden Lab / American terrier cross add to that energy). She is skilful and seems well-trained and confident as well, and is 'grounded in community'. I seem to have made the right choice.
Yes, Mr. Neall. You are building your confidence to make good decisions -- ones that contribute to growth and moving forward again in a new direction: a future unlike your past. You are slowly understanding how devastating that past was: both childhood and former lifetimes . . . [burping] . . . as you practise ever more emphatic levels of gratitude for your stable, comfortable and spacious home, your comfortable, dependable transportation, level of technology, your 'escape' from Vancouver, love from your girlfriend, your local connections and new ideas [to start a 'deep silence' weekly meditation group] percolating in your mind.
I'm not who I used to be, but am still not quite there yet. Still too much in 'complaining' mode -- like today. Still too much pain and raging from past hurts and wounds. So I turn to my Higher Self . . . who never lets me down. I surrender to wisdom; to being nurtured and uplifted; to partnership. Hopefully without self-criticism, self-judgment or self-punishment . . . [yawning] . . .
. . . So, what now, dear one? Is this partnership truly 'my best asset'? Does this 'divine connection' truly have the answer to every problem? Can it teach (even) me to love and forgive even things like the murder of one's child -- as it did the protagonist of the movie The Shack? . . . Am I redeemable? . . . On days when my lower back is inflamed, like today, I do wonder. [I'm thinking of having a nap, though I've already had one today. (It's now 6:00 p.m.)] . . . [burping and yawning] . . .
. . . [Had a nap; woke up in pain and did an empowered shouting / tantruming /deep catharsis session driving on a nearby logging road that helped, temporarily anyway.]
March 18, 2017: Timmy Ho's at Willow Point, South Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always close by, Mr. Neall.
Wondering what is the best way to move forward from here on in, dear friend. Another piece of my past has gone with the closing of my longtime Vancouver-based 'lightspeed' e-mail account -- begun perhaps twenty years ago when I first learned to use a computer. . . . Further, I am beginning to be able to admit to myself how little love I have in my life, and that I need to keep surrendering to your presence 'in me, as me, around me and through me' -- at the same time as releasing the grief, rage and sadness of the 'murdered child' within me. Having seen the move The Shack six nights ago [a redemptive 'liberal Christian' story that deals with the murder of a girl child], I can no longer deny that 'a divine-sponsored recovery program' as outlined in that film is the only thing that will help me. (There, I've admitted it; I've spoken my new truth.) . . .
. . . Thank you for 'supervising' this program; for leading me, from here on in, truly into love and light and forgiveness; into connectedness, happiness, contentment, inner peace, wellness, joy, purposeful living, et cetera. . . . What's the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, dear one?
Dear Mr. Neall: Welcome back. We salute every bit of progress, as you know. We will never deny you our presence. We will never cease to be available to you -- unlike many figures in your past. We will never cease being 'the family you always wanted'. Keep 'putting us to the test' -- we will come through for you. Guaranteed.
I'm working at letting in 'love, caring and attention' -- no matter what direction it comes from; working at building my health and strength and havingness, deservingness, worthiness and purposefulness and celebrating each step forward, each miracle, small or large (though I know 'there is no order of difficulty' in miracles); building my 'soul integrity', my consciousness, my connection to spirit, to All That Is; building my emotional container -- my body's ability to hold larger and broader states of feeling; integrating my shadow / darker parts and strengthening my personality; letting go of the "spiritually and corporeally exhausted" past life of Friedrich Hölderlin (as one writer described him). . . . I know you do not judge me for whatever I may say here, and that is a relief in itself. May I always remind myself that my current environment is not like where I grew up, or what I experienced in past lives.
A good plan, Mr. Neall. That is a true recognition that you are no longer who you have been. A softer presence is developing -- it could be called 'compassionate'. Through recognizing the need for self-compassion you also see the need for compassion for others. That's a higher state than anger or judgment or argumentativeness. It allows for easier connection.
One of my goals . . . [burping] . . .
Indeed.
Still, I don't feel well at the moment.
We won't let you down, Mr. Neall. Talk as long as you want.
Of course -- you are part of me; you will never abandon me; you have multidimensional, universal qualities; your communications are effortless for you, always positive, and there is 'nothing else you have to do'.
You've got it.
And my exhaustion and enervation is karmic in nature -- so it may not disappear instantly.
Right again.
So I can forgive myself -- for everything -- and carry on with a bit more hope tonight; with more compassion for all suffering, no matter whether in myself or others. Here's a thought: "We're all connected through our need for compassion in times of trouble" -- which is a pretty big thought, I must admit.
Yes it is. It's a 'mature thought'.
Well, good for me. . . . Let that thought uplift me, carry me home -- all the way home: to my heart.
May it be so. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your merciful Higher Self.
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| 'Another Roadside Attraction' - Texas Creek Road, Lillooet, BC |
March 23, 2017: Timmy Ho's Willow Point, South Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always near you, Mr. Neall.
Thank you. . . . My mind was 'going dark' at home this evening so I got in the car for an outing, despite the rainstorm. I was experiencing so much gratitude for this vehicle with its wonderful heating system (I remember how I struggled with heat with the previous one), that I was exclaiming "I am grateful! I am grateful!" while driving here . . . Sometimes it's good to do that . . .
. . . At home, I was caught up in my 'old world thinking'. I wanted to 'change my mind': think about the new ideas I'm developing: this writing; my reading on ancient civilizations including Atlantis as a source of Egyptian, Sumerian and Central American civilizations, and the Great Pyramid as a repository of many forms of knowledge: architectural, engineering, philosophical, numerological, messianic, astronomical, astrological, initiatory, planetary. I realized a few months ago that my knowledge of history was 'woefully inadequate': I could go back 2,000 years and then all there was, was a big box called 'the Bible' . . . After months of study, that is starting to change . . .
. . . I am also doing extended sessions of Buddhist Tonglen deep breathing at night after 5:00 a.m. if I can't get back to sleep. I've been beginning to understand, since seeing the movie The Shack eleven days ago, that I need to deal with feelings of having felt 'murdered' as a child -- that's what's keeping the lower back pain stuck, keeping forward progress of any kind halted due to a dysfunctional pattern of fears of annihilation, as well as increased levels of pain whenever I upgrade my intimate connectedness in any way. It's because of the 'faulty' relationship with my father -- a murderous relationship. Yes, it's deep and dark stuff -- and I won't get well if I don't air this stuff out . . .
. . . I have had 'quality dreams' afterwards on the three recent nights that I've practised the deep breathing. That's giving me hope too. Last night I had a beautiful, awe-inspiring dream image of a stately, elegant ship moving through space. . . . What's the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, dear friend -- other than to keep celebrating our relationship?
Dear Mr. Neall: Again, you haven't given up -- congratulations. You didn't want to go to bed feeling 'dark' and you did something about it. You're being pro-active: taking steps to change your thinking. You're exhibiting mastery over conditions; celebrating life (shouting gratitude prayers in the truck on the way here). Once again, friend, we state: We will not let you down. We are available anywhere, everywhere, any time, all the time . . . as long as it takes. We are unlimited: unlimited in positivity; we are 'upliftment for the asking'; we are connection to the Big Picture (including extraterrestrial craft in your dreams) . . .
. . . Keep asking, dear friend and brother. Your sombre 'biblical attitude' will move. It already is, as you yourself can sense, with less hopelessness as you delve into your books or listen to World Wide Web speakers -- new ideas, friend, that have been a long time coming, delivered on the strength of your perseverance and determination to succeed, to lighten up, and to live in a new way after centuries of victimization . . . [burping] . . .
. . . You are not alone, dear brother -- as your living-room encounter with the Dalai Lama two weeks ago proved ["You're one of us!" he expressed] . . . [yawning] . . . You are a representative of the living light . . . [yawning] . . . As such, you are a member of the 'family of lightworkers'. Don't forget it (and we are glad to remind you if you do, partner) . . . [yawning] . . . Enjoy your drive home. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your ever-patient Higher Self.
April 1, 2017: Ocean-view parking lot, South Island Highway and Robron Road, Campbell River, BC
I wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always close by, Mr. Neall.
My neighbourhood mechanic 'forgot' about my 10:00 a.m. appointment, so on the way back home I've stopped here by the ocean, pen in hand. It's warmer out finally, but grey skies predominate today; yet there are hints of spring, with the grocery store loaded up with flowers to plant in the earth, I noticed yesterday. Since I am experiencing flickering shards of light in my right eye again, named by the doctors a 'pre-migraine condition', I'm going to assume I'm under stress and declare a holiday today. And I turn to my no-stress Higher Self and ask: "What's the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today, dear friend?"
Dear Mr. Neall: We are always glad to be with you. We enjoy this 'partnership-in-progress' and it is 'no effort, no stress' for us, most definitely. Things are changing for you now after the intense healing session with your singing friend three days ago, and strong feelings of support from your counsellor (and her two large animal companions that are present for your sessions) the following day . . .
. . . Your reading is nourishing you as it hasn't in years [currently Supernatural: Ancient Teachers of Mankind by Graham Hancock], and music-making and connecting with others are feeling more natural to you. As you study now, you feel the sombre, authoritarian biblical influence being replaced by new ideas from the Hancock book as well as from Kryon audiotapes you like to listen to. . . . Freedom, Mr. Neall, is happening: freedom to pursue your own course . . . [Discontinued for a nap, then drove home.]
April 22, 2017: Home, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC
I wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always with you, Mr. Neall.
Thank you. I am stiff and sore and managing a 'spring cold', dear one. And suffering from lack of funds for a needed holiday. I know you are not 'the complaints department', yet I wish to have a dialogue. "Start somewhere," I say. . . . Thank you for the mental reminder that there is no judgment (or criticism or punishment) in this environment / this partnership we have created. As I understood from a conversation with a male friend a few days ago at the spiritual centre's Sunday / Easter meeting: I am one of those "helping to build the kingdom" -- the Positive Father's Kingdom -- on Earth: "Learning to live without struggle and effort," as I told a tall man in my dream two weeks ago . . .
. . . How glorious a job that is -- and in the warm spring sunshine yesterday, revelling as I bicycled about town on errands, I understood how much things have changed since coming to Campbell River. I feel more empowered and more meaningfully connected to others than . . . than ever. And during one of my daily one-hour meditations recently, I realized that the counsellor / coach I am seeing is giving me a profound level of support, the likes of which I have never experienced. The result? I am growing. And that's when I feel the best (it's taken a few years to realize what was missing -- what I had back in Vancouver: I was always growing in some way). . . . What's the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery this morning, dear one? [6:00 a.m.]
Dear Mr. Neall: Yes, you are growing -- congratulations. You are getting clearer about how this partnership works. You are 'surrendering to love and empowerment' -- a wise choice, dear one. As you know, we will never let you down, never abandon you or hurt you in any way. We are the best kind of friend: most supportive; kind yet strong; filled with light and love; ready to teach at any moment; always available to act as your personal 'Refresh' button.
That's a 'refreshing' notion.
As you will recall from your earlier journalling efforts, Mr. Neall, we are a limitless source of ideas -- a quality that makes us most useful.
Indeed. . . . And the 'idea' I need to come up with is how to have a getaway / vacation with very little money in the bank, and a truck that would run better with $500 worth of repairs. I know these are chronic and repetitive issues. It's embarrassing being 'financially embarrassed'. It's an ancient pattern, as if I'm asking Mommy or Daddy for money and there's nothing forthcoming. That scenario must have repeated quite a few times . . .
. . . I guess we were poor when I was young, though more money did gradually appear as the years went by, because the house was upgraded and a basement installed, and newer vehicles appeared in the driveway. I'd like to change these old programs and develop a new attitude towards money, such as the following: "I am changing my attitude towards money, now seeing it as a 'helpful partner' in fulfilling my vision, my dreams of a Good Life."
We support any move out of suffering, Mr. Neall. We always will.
I'd like to surely believe that, especially on this issue. Embarrassment is not easy to talk about, to admit to. Your support here would be monumental. I know that I am truly 'taken care of' by spirit -- and knowing that credit card debt is no longer a burden and that the truck is 'ready to go' for a trip would be awesome. I know it is not beyond my Higher Self's capacity, since indeed it is limitless . . .
. . . The goal, as always, is to be living 'free from fear and worry'; living in 'joy, lightness and ease'; and with great F.A.I.T.H. (Following An Ideal That Heals) because I have healed my financial world. It is part of the journey I am on, that encompasses six healing aspects: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial and social: "six pillars of health." Now that would be something worth teaching others ('worth' is a good word; so is 'self-worth'). What's been running me is its opposite: self-loathing. I now turn those feelings over to my Higher Self as well, for healing. "I let go and let God" . . .
. . . Thank you for listening, dear friend. I feel better for having talked this out. Relief for my long-suffering abundance issues will bring a celebration of gratitude; a celebration in Christ. May this be so. "And so it is." I surrender to the positive outcome.
Dear Mr. Neall: We repeat, "And so it is." . . . Vaya con Dios. May 'The Spirit of Holistic (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial and social) Wellness' fill every nook and cranny of your being. May your mind be filled with sunshine. . . . Your always-whole Higher Self.
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| Tyee Club Rowboats, Campbell River Estuary |
May 1, 2017: Café table, Husky Gas Station, South Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always available, Mr. Neall.
Thank you. . . . During a deep healing session with my capable Jin Shin Do practitioner three days ago, I confronted the man who sexually molested me as a child at my neighbours' house. With coaching, I was able to say to him, with power: "I am stronger than you now!" . . .
. . . Today, after three days of integrating these new feelings, I am appreciating the spring sunshine out the window and the view of Discovery Passage's waters and Cape Mudge Lighthouse. I'm wondering, "What's next?" . . . Another piece of my painful past has gone and I have new power. What shall I do with it? Which direction shall I take? . . . More joy (through photography earlier today); more love (strengthened relationship with my girlfriend) . . . What about more purpose? What about a vision of the future? . . . Since I know you to be unlimited in resourcefulness, knowledge and wisdom, answers to these questions must also be in your repertoire, as part of this 'holistic partnership'. . . . What's the most important thing to know here, dear one?
Dear Mr. Neall: Once again, rather than go into suffering, you reach out; you pick up your pen. Once again, we reiterate that we love you; that we value this partnership; that we will never let you down. We declare the effortless upliftment of humanity thirsting for spiritual knowledge -- a humanity you are a part of, Mr. Neall, as you are gradually learning, to your immense benefit.
Indeed. . . . Today I am a human being experiencing less worry, less fear, less isolation; more strength, more hope, more courage, more (needed) support, more music playing, more discipline, more faith, more groundedness in community . . . and not enough vision; not enough being pulled forward -- to help keep negative habits from filling the new spaciousness within.
Dear Mr. Neall: We salute your understanding -- we will never fail to do so. We offer never-ending support as you learn to teach unconditional love, self-forgiveness, courage and self-expression / creativity.
With your awesome partnership that will never end . . .
Indeed, Mr. Neall: words of truth. No matter where you are -- in your car, at a gas-station café table, in a plane, in a healing session, at home -- we are there.
During that liberating healing session, halfway through when things were tough, I found myself saying, for the first time in my life, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" (as people do when cursing), in response to the intensity of the energies flowing through my body. But those are actually 'friends in high places', as I have come to know . . . supporting my healing journey.
You have no shortage of 'friends in high places', dear friend. You are a dedicated lightworker, a seeker after God, a friend of Spirit. Thus you attract like-minded others. . . . Again: never-ending support.
That's a truth still hard to let in sometimes, dear one . . . [burping] . . . and to know it's available 'at the drop of a pen' or through prayer before a healing session or any encounter with others . . . I live in such a beneficent Universe . . .
As you are learning, dear friend, in your Earth School. It's available to all.
I can only surrender to it . . . and hopefully become effective at teaching this 'structure of happiness' . . . with all my heart and soul and mind and body and spirit.
May it be so, dear friend, and soon. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your companionable gas-bar Higher Self.
June 21, 2017: Home, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC
I wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always close by, Mr. Neall.
Thank you. I have become seized up in my lower back, and have difficulty walking. I'm asking for help. This is a setback. I'm trying to accept things and live 'one day at a time'. Perhaps the long session in the sauna at the rec centre was too long and has inflamed my nerves beyond the usual level. I thought the sauna would relax me 'effortlessly', but apparently for my condition, not so. What to do, dear one? I'm waiting for a cheque in order to take a long drive in Nature. I'm back in that old 'despair' state, feeling hopeless. . . . So I call on my friend my Higher Self, who has never let me down.
Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that there is no judgment of your life or your activities and no criticism, nor have you done anything to be punished for. Those things all happened in the past, and you are learning to live in the present. . . . As you are stepping out more and more into that present, your back (your past) starts to act up, to 'let you know' that it still needs to be dealt with . . .
. . . You have engaged a skilled and dependable counsellor whose support you have come to trust. Congratulations. You have 'done your best' with your minister / life coach / friend, and can now let her process your input. You have a created a dependable male friend who shares (mostly) interesting books and intellectual ideas with you, and 'pushes' you to grow as a male, as he is not a 'pushover'. Again, congratulations . . .
. . . You are learning to 'lighten up', as your counsellor noted last week -- to joke and laugh a bit, to 'go easy on yourself'. Your partnership with your significant other is growing in expressiveness and present-time energy as well. She is calling you 'a close personal friend' to her friends and your sharing is becoming more open, honest and caring.
So, I seem to be learning to live a connected life -- something that was missing, perhaps for lifetimes. Thus I can get out of 'complaint mode', which seems to be a habit with me. Perhaps that is assisted by new internal 'figures of power', indicated by a marvellous dream two weeks ago, in which I have just joined a group of mature adventurers who are skilled pilots of a futuristic hybrid air-underwater craft that can ply the oceans of Earth and then fly out of them right to the oceans of another planet in seconds, led by a woman I immediately nickname 'Wonder Woman'. I'm wondering how I will fit in with her and her empowered male colleagues, but her attitude is expressed in words addressed to me: "You'll catch on." So, no pressure. Later, the woman and I are back on Earth and we embrace; it appears we will get married. 'Married to a fearless interplanetary, capable inner feminine leadership figure!' Who would have thought? . . .
. . . No wonder I can take on with courage situations that used to be fearful, such as confronting my minister friend over her lack of kindness to me in January. That was a day of courage, dear one, that I hope to always remember. She acknowledged me for it at the end of our hour-long meeting, in which she had received a deep healing. . . . I'm growing, dear friend . . . [yawning] . . . Plus I've told my younger brother and his wife that I preferred not to visit when they came to town recently, that I was busy sorting out 'personal growth' issues at this time. That was a big "no" to family of origin and a big "yes" to my quiet healing retreat for incorporation of Buddhist principles into all my affairs -- and the development of happiness, laughter and inner peace and 'sunshine mind' states.
Dear Mr. Neall: Such marvellous progress, and now a bit of overwhelm. Please be gentle with yourself. And loving. Yes, loving we said. 'Even men' need to learn to love themselves. Everyone does. Life just flows so much easier -- as you are learning on your journey. . . . Please be blessed, Mr. Neall. We bless you, and encourage you, and celebrate you and congratulate you and welcome you to the 'Buddha world', Mr. Lightworker. 'It wouldn't be the same without you' -- as you frequently say to your apartment's flowers, Mr. Upgrader, Mr. Upleveller. . . . We will not abandon you, hurt you or be unkind to you in this partnership, Mr. Neall. You can (safely) grow here -- and you are. Again, congratulations. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your high-achieving Higher Self.
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| Beaver Lodge Lands, Campbell River |
July 8, 2017: Quinsam Crossing parking lot, Highway 19 and Willis Road, Campbell River, BC
I wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always close by, Mr. Neall, and ready to serve humanity.
I'm 'at my wits' end', as it is said, dear friend: stressed, overwhelmed, overstimulated -- and facing signing bankruptcy papers on Monday or Tuesday. Signs of being 'spiritually bankrupt', dear one? I feel lost. And scared that I'm going to stay lost. Deeply 'financially embarrassed'. . . . I'm sending off poetry and essays to magazines. I'd like this to be considered 'normal activity' for me: a writer, practising his craft, attempting to get better known. . . . It's hard to to stay still, yet getting involved in more activity isn't the right thing to do when I'm already overstimulated. Dear friend, what's the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery this evening?
Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that we are with you. And that it's all right 'not to know', not to 'have all the answers': perfectly okay. You are cared about regardless. We never quit in our job of uplifting humanity. We cannot . . . and we cannot fail to help -- since we represent a source of unlimited knowledge; infinite wisdom; mastery of life . . . [burping] . . .
So I've come to the right place.
Indeed you have. We will do everything in our power to bring you inner peace this evening; we will stay 'as long as it takes'.
Words to ease my aching body / mind . . .
It's our 'job', Mr. Neall. We're 'on call' 24/7. The 'Emergency Department' is always open, with skilled physicians in attendance. . . . Our prescription tonight is called love. Also known as 'self-love'. . . . What would love do, dear one (including self-love)?
I need to stop everything and figure that out. That's what I'm doing here tonight -- calling on my (unlimited) Higher Power, who never seems afraid, lost or confused (so far, anyway). Rather, seems a source of compassion and a still mind; a source of upliftment -- sometimes through humour. Infallibly helpful (again, so far) . . . [burping] . . . a lightbringer, helping to dispel darkness.
You're getting us figured out, friend. Congratulations. Good on you for recognizing what help you need today, for being able to put words to your dilemma. . . . And, as it says in the note you had scribbled on the top of this journal page last month, from a sign you saw on a church near your home during one of your daily walks [I just turned the page in my writing journal and found the note], we "Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen every day."
That's what I need -- a miracle. I understand from my studies that "miracles is the language God speaks" -- and I will make the bold assumption here that what I am communicating with is an aspect of God, which is another name for my Higher Power (and I'd like to, more and more, consider this activity to be 'normal' as well). Part of my spiritual practices -- 'going to source'.
You're 'batting a thousand' so far, Mr. Neall. Keep going.
And you'll never let me down . . .
We can't. Don't know how. Don't speak that language.
'Endless support' . . .
You've got it. And endless love -- what the Beatles sang about, whose individual members you are interested in learning the truth about these days.
Part of my personal 'mental updating program' currently underway . . . [burping; yawning] . . . called 'emerging from the Sixties'.
And to your mind / heart / soul's benefit, dear one. You have a lot on your plate right now.
All the more reason to engage 'help from above'.
Indeed. A wise move. You want to invoke as much wisdom as you can stand these days.
With these very words, I declare that I am doing so!
An excellent choice, Mr. Neall. You will not be disappointed with the outcome. The notion of celebration is something you've had little experience of lately, but one you seem ready to embrace.
Oh yes, my friend. I am willing to let in more celebration right here, right now. And a smile on my face as part of that. Because I know that in celebration there is no fear or lack.
Right again, Mr. Neall. A big notion . . . [burping] . . . Welcome to it -- now and forever . . . [yawning] . . .
Myself learning to celebrate life is my miracle -- my emergence from a lifetime (and surely more) of depression. And this release / relief comes through this spiritual practice, through this practising of the skill I have developed of having a relationship with a Higher Power via pen and paper: 'the tools of my trade'.
Still 'batting a thousand', Mr. Neall . . . [burping] . . . Keep going, keep growing. . . . Via con Dios. Your Saturday night Higher Self: source of it all.
September 3, 2017: Labour Day Weekend: Quinsam Crossing parking lot, Highway 19 and Willis Road, Campbell River, BC
I wish to speak to my Higher Self.
We are with you, Mr. Neall.
Dear friend: I talk to you 'in person' every morning now, so the writing isn't as frequent. I am grateful for that personal contact. Today, with my pen, I wish to 'recapture the good old days'. My new future is opening before me, it seems, as for two months I've been following a June vision to write a book I'm calling Memoirs of a British Columbia Mystic, and am being pulled forward in a way I've never felt before -- into purposeful living; into more realness; into a new identity (did I have an old one?) as a (spiritual-minded) writer. I sense your hand in this -- good . . . 'The Good Life' is beginning , the engaged life, the creative, active life, the purpose-driven life . . .
. . . But today, a holiday weekend, I am alone and could use some positive-minded companionship. Also, I wish for guidance with health -- on the painful nerve issues that I deal with. What's the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, dear friend (who judges me not)?
Dear Mr. Neall: Yes, our connection is getting stronger now with the daily voice contact that increases your confidence and your happiness. Let it grow, friend; let it grow. . . . Friendship is about love, Mr. Neall, and as you know, that is what we teach -- and always will. Self-love will get you what you want, dear friend; people like to resonate to an environment of self-care. You've uplevelled your thinking recently, understanding that your 'miracle' safe, comfortable and spacious home and a 'miracle-priced' well-working vehicle and mountain bike have become normal for you -- a level of 'havingness' not experienced in lifetimes (not to mention male friendship). Hang on, Mr. Neall -- more to come. We are here to help you with everything. Let it in. Let in feeling deserving and worthy (to add to your growing capacity for creativity and compassion and helpfulness; looks good on you).
The strength feels good. There's 'more of me' present now. I have a daily meditation practice in the evenings that helps to keep me mentally calm. And I like the 'mantra' you are teaching me each morning: "No criticism, no judgment, no punishment . . . and definitely no annihilation or abandonment." I accept this 'recovery-program' mantra as my own. As I accept this partnership in spiritual growth -- though I sometimes forget about it completely. And I know that's normal and that there's no judgment on it. The non-judgmentalness teaching is perhaps your greatest gift to me. I long to cease judging myself -- and everyone else; and I'm learning to practise becoming aware of every judging moment while on outings in town and responding with, "But God's not judging that person."
Non-judgmentalness gets you closer to love, which brings freedom from fear and worry -- your goal, right, Mr. Neall?
My goal indeed. I'm willing to engage in disciplines these days because I like the results I am getting. May they continue. May I continue to grow in wisdom, love and abundance. May I continue to bless and be blessed, to be energized and living free from pain.
We are doing everything in our 'power partnership' to bring that about, dear one. As we've said before: "Never give up." Or, "Keep striving," as your Jin Shin Do bodyworker said recently in an email . . . [burping] . . . We'll be with you -- guaranteed. . . . Vaya con Dios, your Higher Self.
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| Awakening of Colour |
September 17, 2017: Timmy Ho's Willow Point, South Island Highway, Campbell River, BC
I wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always close by, Mr. Neall.
Thank you. . . . Dear 'friend-in-high-places': I wish to experience upliftment and compassion from my higher nature, to experience friendship and love. I am confused and have too many complaints, including isolation again. I want to get permanently connected up to other healers and artists here in Campbell River -- as I was in Vancouver, in those 'good old days'. What must I do to embrace such a lifestyle? What is most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today, as summer slides into fall (the day brought a thunderstorm and much cooler weather)?
Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that we love you; that non-judgmental friendship is possible. We will demonstrate it. It is 'what we do'. . . . You are here at Timmy Ho's to recapture 'the old days' of a few years back when life seemed simpler and less stressed. It was also less social (considerably so) and less self-expressive and less focused, less 'en-visioned'. You have found your way into the meaningful world, Mr. Neall -- what you've long admired in others who seem to be 'about their business' without the ponderous self-questioning you've engaged in. Congratulations are in order. (We will not stop congratulating when it is called for -- that means for every little step forward out of the mire, dear friend.)
That is what I'm after -- a friendship wherein my struggles are recognized and acknowledged, and every victory is celebrated.
You're in the right place, dear Mr. Neall. We acknowledge you for your discipline to 'sit down and get what you need'.
To live free from the self-criticism and self-judgment and fears that have plagued my life is a relief, therefore I 'take the time'. I am getting clearer on what spiritual growth actually entails: loving oneself, first of all; embracing self-respect, self-care, self-nurture; embracing a relationship with a Higher Power that is always available for dialogue.
Right on, Pontiac: 'learning your lessons'.
I barely recognize myself any more -- though I'm aware I've said that before.
No one's keeping score, Mr. Neall. Friends accept you with your imperfections.
I can't get out of admitting that I am loved and there is no need for 'endless striving'; that, like channeller Lee Carroll (Kryon), I am in a powerful and permanent partnership that makes a difference in my life and will make a difference in the world. All I need do is what I am doing here: take the time to 'tune in'.
Right on again, Mr. Neall . . .
What is there left to resolve? I thought I was in 'a big conundrum'.
You're in 'unfamiliar territory', friend . . . but you're familiar to us -- your ready-steady Higher Power, teacher of love and light / Inner Power.
I like the ready-steady part. I like all of it, in fact. What's not to like?
You make us smile, Mr. Neall. (Recall earlier in the week, during morning prayers, you came up with the idea to 'make Jesus laugh' . . . one of your best ideas, friend.)
So . . . still partners?
It's a never-ending (eternal) partnership, encompassing the Universe, all the stars, space ships, angels, guides, laughter and smiles.
Please remind me over and over again -- as often as possible.
It's our 'job'. We do not sweat over it. We are 'an effortless emanation of love'.
'What the doctor ordered'.
Indeed. 'The Great Physician', Jesus was sometimes called.
I'm talking to a doctor . . .
Doctor, physician, psychologist, motivational speaker, healer, partner, friend, companion, brother, creator, truth teller, man of peace, ecologist, space cowboy (you smiled at that one), helper, lightworker, comforter, guide, humorist, psychopomp, cosmic traveller, et cetera, et cetera, ad infinitum . . . Whatever you need, we've got it. Period. 'Unlimited forces with vast resources'.
Those could be today's last words. Thank you. I'll take it from here.
Vaya con Dios, disciplined friend. . . . Your Sunday-evening Higher Self.
October 26, 2017: Home: South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC, Canada
I wish to speak to my Higher Self.
Always with you, Mr. Neall, without fail.
I'm glad for that. . . . Dear friend (and I could use a compassionate friend / mentor / guide at the moment): How am I to deal with my current situation? Lower back pain and a bleak-looking future? The dream job of writing the book of memoir / healing journey I am developing, disappearing due to this chronic 'spinal stenosis' condition? Trouble sleeping (and doing hours of Hindu mantra repetition; discovering its power)? Feeling alone, after having declared myself as a soul being to my quite conventional counsellor, understanding that I am not like her at all, and bringing a year and a half of therapy to a close? . . . What's the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?
Dear Mr. Neall: Love yourself. Love yourself endlessly, without conditions. No blame, no shame, no criticism, no judgment (of self or others); put an end to despair, despondency, depression once and for all. Knock those demons for a loop! We will help you . . . [yawning . . . burping . . . yawning] . . .
How am I to proceed? My past is disappearing, it seems. There is nothing to hang on to any longer. I feel adrift, and nearly friendless, loveless . . .
Dear Mr. Neall: Let us into your life -- we are a friend: 'a friend in need'. Let us "love you into fearlessness" . . . [yawning] . . . We will not let you down -- we cannot. We are an eternal force of love and light. We cannot fail in helping to uplift humanity (we've said it before: no judgment on you forgetting) -- of which you a part (though you sometimes forget) . . . [yawning] . . . Yet you have the discipline to sit down and write -- take pen in hand -- which, with a bit of effort, puts you in a better mood. . . . Again, Mr. Neall: We will not let you down -- we cannot. Our self-definition precludes it. . . . So we are always available (again, a reminder; again, no judgment). We give out many reminders -- millions.
You're teaching self-acceptance through relationship with a power greater than myself . . .
You've got it (again) . . . No judgment, Mr. Neall: quite a (powerful) concept. Let it in. Soak it up through the pores of your skin; soak it into your organs, your brain, your nervous system, circulatory system, et cetera. Believe in the God of No Judgment. It is all around you, wherever you are.
I must be dealing with abandonment issues again, as I'm having difficulty believing in such a (steady, caring) force -- that lives in me, to the extent that I can stop the mental / emotional chatter and open my heart to it.
Well said, Mr. Scribe. A successful partnership is under way today.
It's what I've always wanted . . .
We know.
This is what discipline / discipleship is.
That is correct.
I am grateful for this power, this connection . . .
We give it willingly. It's what love does.
Love is still 'foreign territory' to me sometimes.
Back to the beginning [of this writing session], Mr. Neall: "No blame, no shame, no criticism, no judgment" . . . and no annihilation or abandonment. It's available for the asking; available 'at the drop of a pen'. And tonight you dropped the pen (again) --
-- in a partnership of love . . . [tears] . . .
Correct again . . . [yawning; burping] . . . Vaya con Dios, partner. We didn't forget about you [I hadn't dialogued in a while]. We can't -- it's not in us to do so. Ever.
I trust I am beginning to understand. Thank you.
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| Walhachin Bridge, Thompson River, BC Interior |
