Saturday, August 27, 2016

THROUGH TO THE NEW -- Part IIIa








THROUGH TO THE NEW:
A Dialogue with Higher Self


Transforming
Hopelessness & Despair
through Unconditional Love


Part III

Words & Images (c) Copyright 2016
by Neall K. Calvert



At Lower Myra Falls, Strathcona Park    (c) 2013 by N.C.


June 26, 2012: Home, Alder Crescent, Gold River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall, always available.

So, I’ve created a mess in my life / of my life. Over-strained my nerves, allowed my energy to become drained; have become “burned out” and may have gone too far to rebuild my nervous system. I have unconsciously created this tragedy and now I’m left with a “shell of a body” that I may not be able to rebuild. . . . Still I am asking for your help, your wisdom, your wellness expertise, your compassion and upliftment, as I prepare for my holiday starting tomorrow. The question that needs to be asked is, “Is it too late?”

Dear Neall: We love you—beginning and end of story. We will always love you. The message is love. Love yourself morning, noon and night—don’t stop. Forgive yourself—completely. Forgive yourself your karma of tragedy, your past patterns. Stop judging yourself for anything. Get on your own side as much as you possibly can. God is not judging you—never has, never will. The Good News still exists in your heart, in finding courage for each day; each moment.


July 2, 2013: Parking lot, Safety Mart Foods, Ashcroft, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear Mr. Neall.

I’m feeling very separate—as if I’ve abandoned you. I’ve taken some Tylenols for the back pain instead of trusting in my Higher Self. I just wanted some relief—even though I don’t like the effects on my mind. My mind wasn’t all that clear, given the pain level, anyway. . . . This is Day 4 of my summer holiday. I’m feeling full of judgment, probably angry and fearful as well. I’m looking to contact the part of me that sees beyond all this; that is steady, constant, neutral, uplifting, nonjudgmental, wise, caring, a wellness expert, a mentor and guide with a hand on my shoulder, a father / mother / brother / sister, a joy-bringer, a source of unconditional love, seer of the Big Picture, provider of whatever is missing or lacking in my wholeness, music and art guide, bringer of peace, eternal Source, source of unlimited healing. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today, dear one?

Dear Neall: Our love is not subject to the vagaries of your mind—or anyone else’s. It simply pours out and is available to all, without condition, as you have written previously. Let it fill your heart and soul and mind today—no matter what. Be at peace—no matter what. Be patient with your process—no matter what. . . . As you understand from your powerful dream of (U.S. president) Barack Obama two days ago (teaching you how to address your various life issues), big changes are possible now, including an end to victimization and neurotic behaviours and the beginnings of an empowered and happier style of life . . .

. . . You know that because, when you imagine the presence of an “inner power figure” such as Obama within you, these symptoms vanish. You feel yourself to be a healthy and effective human being. . . . Congratulations. Your studies have brought you to this point of accepting an emerging new version of yourself. As we have said before: You will like this “new you,” who is free of shame and guilt, thus has lots of energy (no more constant fatigue), doesn’t beat himself up or criticize himself (and doesn’t need to fill the emptiness within with “coffee with cream,” as you did for many years, and as you have recently stopped doing). . . . You may still occasionally believe that “failure” is one of the options in your life, but we are clear that it is not part of our consciousness. Good news, not?

Indeed, good news. I want only good news today. And peace of mind / peace in my body: “both horses on the same trail.” . . . After praying deeply for physical health while driving the back roads today south of Savona, I came across a farm with horses. A pinto in a corral, one of a group of four horses, began galloping around its enclosure, pausing only to gaze repeatedly at me as I sat in my van at the roadside, twenty metres away. As it ran its rounds, it kicked up its heels in seeming exuberance, and I thought, “I’d like to feel good enough to kick up my heels a bit too.”

You start to see, Mr. Neall, that everything is connected; that the universe is always ready to give you feedback. It is geared for nothing else—more good news.

Thank you. I will pray for more love and light this evening. Bless you, dear Higher Self.

You can always reach us, Mr. Neall. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


July 3, 2012: White Spot Restaurant, North Kamloops, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear Mr. Neall.

I had a beautiful, long, back-roads drive this morning on a mountainous track from Savona through Red Lake to North Kamloops, during which I “forgot” about everything else. I remained focused only on the scenery and the curving, twisting, muddy road in front of me, watchful for drivers unexpectedly showing up on blind curves. Simple pleasures. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery, and my holiday?

Dear Neall: We have no judgment on anything you do or say or have, or don’t do, don’t say or don’t have (as you’ve written previously). Friends don’t judge. Friendship is about unconditional acceptance. And it is available from us 24 / 7, no questions asked. You deserve it; you are worthy of it; and it will change your life for the better, if you want to change it. That’s the message today. Small message / big possibility, dear one. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


July 4, 2012: Roadhouse Coffee Shop, Highway 1, Savona, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear Mr. Neall.

Six days into my vacation, I’m beginning to relax after my ‘exhaustion crisis’ at the end of my Gold River stay. A few days before I left, an internal voice exclaimed very strongly (certainly no whisper), “The cross was a victory!” . . . . My time attending a Christian church while in Gold River is continuing to reverberate within me. It was a positive place of community and love—exemplified by the relationship of the husband-and-wife pastoral team, Romeo and Darla. . . . Another communication from my inner voice had surprised me one day by telling me that Darla, with whom there was a strong mutual connection, was my muse in the previous lifetime when I had been a poet and writer in Germany. When, during a long drive, I asked my Higher Self why I had been led to Gold River to connect with her again, the answer came back, “Because God is good.”

. . . It turns out that, based on my growing-up experiences, I had come to believe that Jesus was a victim on the cross, and that the cross symbolized suffering—and so I avoided Christian churches because I had had enough of pain and suffering. But, in the book I am reading now for the fourth time (Walking Through Illusion by Betsy Otter Thompson), Jesus basically says what I heard loudly whispered: that the cross was a victory. He went to the cross to prove that love can’t be defeated . . . that the eternal spirit of love can’t be killed. Dear, dear God: Help me to believe that this is true; it would change everything. There would no more (theological) reason for me to be suffering! What a victory that would indeed be.

Dear Mr. Neall: There is no “reasoning” to support suffering. Truly, it is optional. You noticed the waitresses laughing and being happy a few minutes ago. You also have a right to be happy; to change your mind about your past; to “repent”—for your own good. Remember: We will support this type of emergence from “erroneous thinking,” from drudgery, dreariness and depression or any form of mental torture, including help with the unravelling of unhelpful mental patterns. And we never quit—we offer constant support for positive change. Remember: This is a “partnership in growth”; we have nothing else to do; we are “for you one hundred percent”; we are patient; we know what joy feels like and know it to be an option—forever. . . . Remember that, dear one. Know it to be true. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


July 8, 2012: Campsite 74, Tunkwa Lake Campground, near Logan Lake, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear Mr. Neall, glad to be with you on your camping journey.

The long days of sunshine, the freedom from stress while viewing the wide expanses of nature in BC’s Southern Interior, plus self-EFT sessions, high-powered nutrition, daily walks, singing practice, the company of songbirds—and, at my previous campsite, three baby long-eared owls sitting cosily up in a tree—are all having a positive effect on my health and happiness. At times like this, the world, as British author G. K. Chesterton has expressed, seems particularly well-designed for human beings to thrive in.

Dear Mr. Neall: As we have said previously: There is no end to our support for positive change in your life. Claim it, embody it, be it, enjoy it: We will never let you down in your search for a meaningful, happy, fulfilled life . . . [burping; yawning] . . . When you are happy, we are happier (as we’ve also said previously). Love, peace, connectedness, joyfulness—take in as much of it as you can stand.

My previous, and first, campground (Juniper Beach on Highway 1 east of Cache Creek) had stunning views of “the dry country” on the east side of the Coast Range—up and down the Thompson River Valley for tens of kilometres: sage and sand and reddish stone outcrops interspersed by green patches of irrigated farms and ranches. The rainfall is less than a quarter of that where I grew up in Surrey, and of Vancouver, where I spent decades. Three days ago I moved to “the high country”—a plateau southwest of Kamloops that feels like the top of the world. There are no trains intruding on the stillness here. (Juniper Beach Provincial Park sits on the Thompson River, on either side of which run the tracks of the two major Canadian railways, Canadian Pacific and Canadian National. Long lines of potash, wheat, chemicals and double-stacked containers rumble by every hour.) Suddenly, here, it’s very quiet—just the wind, the sun sparkling on Tunkwa Lake, occasional birdsong, the ubiquitous squabbling crows and, once in a while, a marmot scurrying through the grass, stopping to nibble. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today? About my “growing up at last”? About a future unlike my past? About a destiny unlike the tragedy I’ve been living?

Dear Neall: Asking for help is one the wisest things you can do. Getting out of isolation and into effective partnership greatly increases the chances of success . . . [yawning] . . . We offer no end of help . . . [yawning] . . . We are here for nothing else. We will teach you forever how to expand your life . . . [yawning] . . . through love and light.

Let it be so.


July 13, 2012: Campsite 74, Tunkwa Lake Campground, near Logan Lake, BC [1:30 a.m.]

Hello, Higher Self: I’ve tried my way—it’s not working. I want to try your way now—the way out of suffering, health problems, people problems. Please help me. What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery? I’m willing to listen. How can I get out of this karmic girlfriend relationship that’s causing me so much stress? Nothing I say is having any effect, other than to create exhaustion. . . . I was thinking that no one understands my situation (self-pity?) and then I realized that you do, since you live in me. So . . . what would love and light say?

Dear Neall: It is true that few people know what the healing journey entails. You are one of the few. Acknowledge yourself for that. It doesn’t really matter if someone else fails to grasp that. You have your reward regardless: the “pearl of great price”: a saved soul, depth, maturity, empowerment, purpose, a courageous life, a peaceful life, a hopeful life, a connected life, contentment, “a smile on your face.” So . . . do you know what to do now?


July 13, 2012: A & W Restaurant, Wright Street, Merritt, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self. . . . Dear Higher Self: I’ve experienced a confusing and pain-filled day, in which it seems as if my health issues are unsolvable now, and will prevent me from living my dream: artist, author and healer living in Western Australia. I was making moves to lessen my stress by removing myself from the energy-draining relationship, but it’s like being with Tar Baby—I get stuck in deeper every time I get into dialogue. I need to simply remain silent—live in “silent retreat,” which was my original goal for the summer, in order to recharge my batteries. I’ve been in a state of hopelessness all day the likes of which I haven’t known for years. What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery?

Dear Neall: “Love can build a bridge”: It’s what we teach. . . . How could you love yourself more today? What would bring you back to equanimity, peace, hopefulness? . . . Remember that we love you unconditionally—no conditions; no strings attached; no hoops to jump through. It is available 24 / 7, through this discipline of automatic writing. Congratulations for taking the time to settle down and reach out (in) to a source of wisdom greater than your “everyday mind.” . . . We have nothing else to do than hear your call and respond. It’s our “job,” as we’ve said before. You are not disturbing us in any way. . . . Know that we love you, Mr. Neall—as a friend; someone who has no judgments on you or your style of life. Know that you are not alone. We will communicate “at the drop of a pen,” and at other times too, with a whispered song title, such as “Don’t Fence Me In” when you were leaving Gold River in a state of stress from “too close quarters”; such as the gift of your beautiful, powerful mandala photographs. . . . We will never abandon you. Just “tune in, turn on, and drop in.”

I feel as if I have passed some kind of watershed after last night and this morning, when I did almost two hours of prayers and EFT to overcome the deep exhaustion and self-negation. There’s no going back now to a life of not being fully alive and on the healing path—no matter how uncomfortable it gets sometimes. I have to use my techniques—they are a vital part of my life, as is everything I’ve learned over the past ten (twenty?) years. I have to move forward, break the “momentum of passivity” that has run my life for so long . . . believe in myself and my journey / my skills and talents / my own worthiness and deservingness . . . believe in my dreams: living grounded on this earth and contributing in a community.

We will never abandon you in any of this, or in your dreams, Mr. Neall. It’s not in us to do so; we don’t speak that language. We speak the language of love, support, mentoring, upliftment, wisdom, humour, eternality, unlimitedness, nonjudgmentalness and more—lots more. . . . Stick with us if you want to change for the better—no matter what. We always support happiness and peace, no matter how long it takes for you to learn the language, through all your mistakes and “dead ends” and false starts, confusion and pain. That is exactly our job; our part of the partnership. And we never quit—you can count on that, no matter how many situations have ended in abandonment in your history. Believe in it, Mr. Neall: the power of unconditional love. It is yours for the asking . . . the Good News not found in any newspaper.

Thank you. Yes, I’ve been abandoned once too often. And have been indulging in deep self-pity and powerlessness, as in “no one understands me and never will (boo-hoo).”

We have room for that too, Mr. Neall. Give it to us—we’ll carry it for you. Ask for it back at any time.

That’s the kind of friend I’ve been looking for.

You’ve got it, Pontiac—“with you forever.”

. . . an eternal friend—a “safe-and-secure-forever friend.”

That’s a good, succinct description. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. God’s blessings upon you and your summer travels. We are never far away. You can count on us—always, in all ways: never-ending help, for any situation, large or small. “Keep the faith,” compañionero. You’re worth it—you’re “the pearl of great price.”


July 17, 2012: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Merritt, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, Mr. Neall—anywhere, any time.

This morning, camping at Monck Provincial Park east of Merritt, I was up in time to catch the sunrise at 5:30 a.m. For me, dawn to sunrise is the best part of the day. I have a long view over Nicola Lake to the rolling sagebrush grasslands on the far side, and at this time of day they take on a golden-silver-green sheen, with every hillock and sage bush defined by the sun’s low early rays. I’ve been enjoying the chipmunks skittering around in pairs, and yesterday a full-grown deer walked serenely past my campsite, just five metres from me. Yesterday I swam and sunbathed—the best activities when the weather is over 30 degrees C. . . .

. . . While cooking this morning, still aware of the emotional burnout that is creating despair and lower back pain, I heard in my mind a line from the Josh Groban song “Home To Stay” that goes: “Look how far your dreaming’s gone . . .” These words made me realize (and appreciate) how much, in truth, my life has already changed; how much I am already living my dream—of being on my life path as a creative artist and writer and healer, connected to other other artists, writers and healers—the Good Life of emotionally healthy relationships. The deep grieving that resulted from this realization eased the pain in my back and has changed my mood for the better for hours now. . . . So, progress today. Thank God. . . . [Restaurant got busy] . . .

[Later the same day] Campsite 58, Monck Provincial Park, north side of Nicola Lake 22 km east of Merritt, BC

What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today?

Dear Neall: Please know that we love you, and that we share in your joy over every new insight, every release of pain, every step in your growth. We say, as we have said already many times: Don’t quit. Don’t stop seeking to grow. Don’t stop exploring; don’t stop getting past thoughts of suicide, or “death temptations,” as you experienced in Gold River. . . . There is a way—for everyone—for you. Remember, we will never hurt you, let you down or abandon you—in fact, the opposite. We teach the expansion of life—period. Let it happen, Mr. Neall. Let yourself become happy and empowered. Non-neurotic. Free. Well. On a new course. Uplifted. Enlightened—“lightened up.” The world is waiting for such people, to help it grow out of its neuroses. There is a “job” waiting for you the moment you feel ready to take it on. Comprenez, dear one?

Yes, I do—the reinvented Neall Calvert.

Precisely. . . . Go with God, Mr. Neall—always.

[As I finished writing, a deer (perhaps the same one) walked slowly by again, this time only three metres away.]


July 18, 2012: Campsite 58, Monck Provincial Park, north side of Nicola Lake 22 km east of Merritt, BC [5:30 a.m.]

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, dear Mr. Neall.

Once again I am beset by deep emotional pain; by a loss of faith; by believing that my body is irreparably damaged from the “twist of fate” at Gold River of deep burnout that I didn’t see coming. It looks like I’m not going to make it into the world of happiness and peace, of empowerment, that sometimes seems possible; that “fate” decrees otherwise: a slow painful decline—no “destiny” for me as a healer and author and artist. Too much karma, perhaps? I am unable to create positive scenarios in my mind; unable to lighten up this morning. There seems no hope for becoming happy. It’s a tough feeling . . . [yawning; burping] . . .

Dear Neall: We are with you in your emotional conundrum; in your lack of (self-)love; in your hopelessness. We will never let you down . . . [went back to sleep; dreamt of Paul McCartney] . . .


July 21, 2012: Campsite 59, Elk Falls Provincial Park, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always with you, dear one.

What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight? I am still in this “crisis of feeling” and working hard through EFT self-sessions to “change my energy.”

Dear Mr. Neall: Love is always available—morning, noon and night. We offer it freely, in friendship, in mentorship, in peace. We have nothing else to do than to teach love; to uplift, to inspire; to bring hope to those struggling; growth for those who want to grow. We never quit; we are eternal in our being, in our nature. Please accept the existence of such a force—a force of truth, of wisdom, of deservingness, of worthiness, of happiness, of an end to shame and guilt and self-punishment, of healthy emotionality, of inner strength, of self-esteem (as you have dreamed about this week). All this, and more, is possible in the game of life.

I believe—“Help Thou mine unbelief.” Help me to restore my faith; to Follow An Ideal That Heals; to smile again; to feel safe and secure; to not be depressed; to feel empowered to change my life; to know you as a friend, as someone who is not judging; to feel loved and accepted instead of beaten up and put down / shamed / made to feel small; to transform this great anger and trapped energy into useful life force.

You’ve got it, Mr. Neall. You’ve clarified what you want—and we hear it and are willing to work with you on these issues—any time, gladly, day or night. . . . You are not alone, dear Mr. Neall, compañionero. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


July 21, 2012: Campsite 59, Elk Falls Provincial Park, Campbell River, BC [2:20 a.m.]

I wish to speak to my Higher Self. . . . Dear God: I’m in the dark. I feel as dark as the darkness outside [secluded campsite surrounded by tall trees]. My health seems to be failing, despite EFT self-sessions. Please help. I don’t know where this relationship “went off the rails.” I’m asking for love and light, insight, wisdom, healing, upliftment, serenity, and an end to rootlessness—this constant travelling and “living like a cloud.” I’d like to feel better, to feel connected to someone or something. This isn’t a good feeling.

Dear Neall: Love is here; friendship is here; light is here.

I feel “loaded up” with anger and resentment. This is not the way to become healthy and happy. Please guide me, from the Big Picture. I’ve had enough. I’m going to trust you totally; trust in my “wellness expert,” my Beloved, my teacher of happiness, my friend and compañionero. Something needs to change for me.

Hello, Mr. Neall: Please know that we love you—and that that is the context for your growth (as it has always been and always will be). We will never fail you, as others may have failed you, and set up in your mind the pattern of “failure as a possibility.” That is where you are hanging out—in the possibility that no one is interested in your writing or photographs or music, and that your health is not restorable; that you can’t recover from this setback. And, once again, you are “looking to fellow campers”—to your immediate environment—for (spiritual) answers that they are not able to provide; doing what’s called “matching their energy.” . . . There’s no light there. You’re beginning to see that it’s a lightworker that you want to talk to—someone who inspires you . . . like the spiritual artist who triggered your own (spiritual) mandala photographs [Orlea Rayne] or the spiritual director of the Centre for Spiritual Living in Campbell River, Jill Brocklehurst. Or the males in your dreams: Barack Obama, Paul McCartney, Buddhist meditation master Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche, Carl Jung . . .

. . . The upliftment you seek is in “the bigger all around you.” That’s always been the story, and these kinds of people have been written about for thousands of years because people want to remember them; to know what they’ve said and what they created and how they lived. Many of them were happy and contented—as you seek to be. That’s the reason you are expressing gratitude for spiritual teachers and artists in your “gratitude practice” sessions. The inner images that support your new life are building within you as the old life’s pictures of workaholism and unhappiness and limited thinking fade away. . . .

. . . Recall that your friend the experienced book publisher, to whom you showed your two self-published books of writing and photo art last week, said it was “fun” to go over them with you. . . . Never forget that, Mr. Neall, even though you overextended your visit and created back problems for yourself once again. You, with your creativity (and music), are a source of fun (= happiness). So if you want that as a lifestyle (as last year’s camping holiday / vision quest showed you), you know where to place your priorities, don’t you?

Yes, I do . . . wow. And Orlea, out of the blue, sent me an e-mail two weeks ago expressing praise for my mandala photographs—just the kind of communications I want to have with fellow artists. . . . “Artists thrive on praise,” it’s been said—and I haven’t been getting enough of it. So . . . getting back on track is the next step. Seeing the naturopathic doctor this Friday, whose appointment took six weeks to arrive, is part of my new life out of chronic fatigue, emotional pain, self-destruction / tragedy; it is an important step in having the health to live a creative, happy, peaceful life.

You’ve got it. . . . Let this sink in, Mr. Neall. Believe that you are loved and safe and secure. In this environment of love, anything is possible—including something called “Neall Calvert’s happiness.” We are “for you one hundred percent,” Mr. Neall. And we never quit. Take this with you for the remainder of your night [it’s now 3:30 a.m.] . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self . . . “the Uplifter.”


July 25, 2012: Camping at Oyster Bay Rest Stop, Highway 19A, Oyster Bay, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear Mr. Neall.

What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight? I believe I made good progress this morning clearing up (through EFT) a deeply negative archetypal pattern that I had become aware of: the crazy Christian belief articulated by Carl Jung as “The son must die to appease the wrath of the father.” It seems I got all the negativity of Christianity and none of its positivity. I have much gratitude for Carl Jung for the awareness of this tragic pattern. It means he becomes almost like a positive, helpful father to me now—something I have sought. I am grateful for the existence of such people on the planet. . . . Just writing this down has been a healing.


July 26, 2013: Parking Lot, Tyee Spit Park, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self. . . . I’m asking for help. The low back pain is severe. I’m stuck in self-punisher / ego / victim (earlier I noticed my mind singing the Carly Simon song lyrics “You’re so vain. You probably think this song is about you”). No relief in sight today, though something tells me this is all “past-time energy” coming up to be healed—one of the reasons I’m not more “present” for life and haven’t been for years. Again, I’m asking for help.

Dear Neall: Your Higher Self is with you—as always. We are a source of energy and healing greater than blame / shame / self-punishment, although your mind, due to your unhappy past, thinks these negative forces “are God,” i.e., the Supreme, therefore not able to be overcome, as there would be nothing higher. This is distorted thinking. Please think of us as love and light, as here to help, as a source of mercy and compassion, of—rather than fear—an end to fear, a “welcome home,” “the always-available compañionero” you have written about earlier . . . [burping; yawning] . . .

I’m losing hope in my ability to recover from the “emotional burnout” scenario I experienced; the incomprehensible “twist of fate” near the end of my Gold River stay when my dreams said it was possible to “go too far” into the burnout and not be able to recover. I immediately did everything I could to reduce the stresses in my life. I stopped editing / proofreading; stopped the draining relating with J. / spent time in nature / prepared for my holiday, for times of “freedom from fear and worry” on the road. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today? Is there hope for “a future unlike my past?” Where is “love and light” today? Has this “summer-holiday lifestyle” I am planning (two months of camping / living outdoors) in fact brought up these old, toxic, negative-father, self-punishing emotions—because it is exactly what my father couldn’t stand / didn’t understand—rest, relaxation, good times, solitude, new vistas, regeneration / renewal time (unless forced to through illness)—until he “woke up” and took early retirement at age 60? . . . I barely knew the man, it’s true. After my childhood with him, I didn’t want to see him. It is my life’s conundrum. How can this father / son cycle be “put to rest”?

You’re getting to the heart of the matter, Mr. Neall. Recall that one of your early teachers, Werner Erhard, taught something to the effect of: “When you’ve said all the good things and all the bad things there are to say about someone, all there is left to say is ‘I love you.’” . . .

So . . . this writing session today is “another step into reality”; a step out of “denial of (my) reality”; another step into relatedness rather than away from it; an owning of the family I came from and my feelings about them . . .

And another page in your book—a book you have chosen to dedicate to this same male parent. . . .


July 28, 2012: Camping at Oyster Bay Rest Area, Highway 19A, Oyster Bay, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear Mr. Neall.

My ‘unpredictable’ summer holiday continues, as I wait around Campbell River for three more days for new homeopathic medicine through the naturopathic doctor. . . . I’m grateful for the sunshine today; for a bit more peace in my back; for a well-running van; lots of fresh air and ocean vistas; the inspiring work of artists at the annual River City Arts Fest on downtown streets of Campbell River today (100-plus participating artists) . . . What’s the most important thing I need to know about my health / healing / recovery?

Dear Mr. Neall: Please be assured that there is no judgment on your life or your lifestyle. You are fine with us just as you are, and you always will be—for eternity. The Good News is always available; love and light are always available; peace of mind is always an option from among the unlimited selection of options. Healing is an unlimited field, as you are more and more experiencing: emotional, energetic, psychological, mental, physical. Let us help provide whatever you need this evening—including unconditional brotherly love. No more ‘striving’ required; no more ‘searching for love’; rather, ‘companionship at hand’—just as the group of Harley-Davidson aficionados have gathered at the picnic table across the street from you in companionship. They like each others’ company and can relax and be themselves, as the frequent laughter testifies to—simple human connection.

Not something I’ve had a lot of lately—but then I’m interested in something else these days: eternal connection. Thus, those companions I do have are those who also believe in eternity: the life of the eternal soul.

Well understood, Mr. Neall. We couldn’t have said it better. . . . Vaya con Dios, compañionero. Be well.


July 30, 2012: Campsite 2, Morton Lake Provincial Campground, 27 km northwest of Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you always, Mr. Neall.

Today has been a day of relaxation in a very quiet place. There are just 24 sites here, so very little traffic—what I’ve been seeking for the summer. This morning I had an insight that almost brought me to my knees I was in such a state of grateful surrender. The insight was this: The people I have been seeking to help pull me into “a future unlike my past” are in Campbell River! Two of them are the naturopathic doctor I’ve had a first appointment with and the Science of Mind minister (spiritual director of the Centre for Spiritual Living), whom I have visited as a life coach occasionally over the past year; they are part of my “team.” Both of these mature, spiritually oriented women recognize me as a spiritual being, something which is essential for any connections I make from now on (unlike with my family of origin, which could never acknowledge my essence, as they weren’t in touch with their own) . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?

Dear Mr. Neall: We celebrate with you every insight, every new realization, every step forward out of pain and suffering. There hasn’t been much for you to celebrate lately, though we are with you for everything. Believe in your happiness and peace of mind, Mr. Neall, with all your heart and soul. Believe in celebration as an important aspect of life—no fear or worry there. “Change your thinking, change your life,” as it is said (the motto of Science of Mind). . . . And we will always be available for this kind of coaching—morning, noon, evening, night and day. Believe in this, Mr. Neall, and become happy in the process. It is a reachable goal. . . . You’ve come this far—why not persevere a little longer? . . . Your friend and companion, your Higher Self.


August 2, 2012: Campsite 14, Cowichan River Provincial Park, 12 km west of Duncan, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear Mr. Neall, night or day.

I’ve had to almost redouble my disciplines of EFT and prayers, including in the middle of the night. Today I had a good respite at the beautiful aquatic centre in Duncan, where I went on the two waterslides—basic fun that I missed out on for years. As I sped through the sudden drops and twists and turns of the dark tube, I screamed “I surrender to the God of fun!” To me it’s an apt analogy. Once one has let go of the handle and entered the slippery slide, there’s no going back; one has given up control of both speed and direction and has truly surrendered to whatever is going to happen. Six-year-olds fearlessly enjoyed the two slides today too, so I was appropriately humbled; but they were good company too. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?

Dear Neall: Love and fun are available almost everywhere to those who keep their eyes and ears open, as you do. Responding to a simple need for a shower, you end up at a fitness centre for a workout, then water-sliding and relaxing for as long as you want in the hot tub.

It is a magnificent, well-run facility—the kind many communities now have in this wealthy region of the country (southern Vancouver Island). I am taking advantage of this abundance.

As we’ve said before, Mr. Neall: We support anything that leads to wellness and happiness; anything that puts a smile on your face. We are for you one hundred percent.

If I were to ask myself what would be the most important thing to know about my health tonight, the answer I would come up with would be: “Whatever puts a smile on my face.” No small matter, for a depressive. . . . In the book I am reading, Transforming Fate into Destiny, author / healer Robert Ohotto declares aging to be, rather than a source of worry, a privilege. He realized this after losing a close friend in a minor traffic accident. Ohotto, just in his thirties, is wise already.

You are finding good teachers, Mr. Neall, both in books and in person. Congratulations on discovering those who can pull you forward. It’s what you’ve been seeking. Now you’re finding, and starting to live more fully. . . . Please know that we are always here for you, Mr. Neall—anywhere, any time, any type of relationship you need. There’s no limit to our “repertoire of relatedness,” and we share gladly. Though you don’t have much experience with sharing and love yet, we have no judgment on this; we simply make ourselves available, night and day. . . . Don’t give up, Mr. Neall, on achieving an empowered, connected and happy lifestyle. You have our full support—forever. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self, Cowichan River version.


August 4, 2012: Campsite 14, Cowichan River Provincial Park, 12 km west of Duncan, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, Mr. Neall. “Saturday night’s all right.”

Saturday evening is a time I schedule for my discipline of writing—of putting perseverance and patience into practice. . . . I’m struggling deeply with fate vs. destiny, especially now that these have become clarified by Robert Ohotto’s powerful book. I understand that I’ve been working with these issues for years. I’ve called it “a future unlike my past.” We’re definitely on the same page. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing recovery tonight? How can I remain hopeful and peaceful in the face of the relentlessly returning low back pain / feelings of annihilation and hopelessness?

Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that we are always with you; that we will never abandon you—we know nothing of it. We are as steady as your heart, which has been beating for more than six decades without a complaint. There is no area of life in which we cannot be helpful. We are endlessly willing as well—there is nothing else we do. . . . Please know that that which has hurt you will never, ever happen again.

I’m feeling pretty stuck here at the campground, unable to feel good, stressed by a holiday weekend crowd that includes a massive fifth-wheeler parked directly across from my site. This, despite a successful EFT session this afternoon. What do I need to know? This is very deep stuckness . . . my back is mighty sore.

Dear Neall: . . . [tears; yawning] . . . Love and light . . . love and light . . . love and light. . . . You are deserving and worthy . . . [burping] . . . We will never let you down, as those in your past let you down. We are a force of love and light, here to help—period. We do nothing else—you get our full attention, as you are now. And we do not judge you—even when you are immobilized with shame and guilt. . . . Your soul is worth saving, Mr. Neall; the eternal part of you can be strengthened; brought into line with present-time reality; and this is something we are glad to help with, as your eternal friend and companion . . .

. . . You are not alone, Mr. Neall. You have never been abandoned by your eternal self. It is impossible for that to happen. Heed these words well: IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR THAT TO HAPPEN. . . . Out of this truth you can rebuild your health, you can “make Saturday night all right”—make it a useful and productive time, as you are choosing to do with your life. . . .We are always available—no end of help, Mr. Neall. Use us in whatever way works for you. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self, source of love and light.


August 5, 2012: A & W Restaurant, Highway 19, Ladysmith, BC [hottest day of the year]

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall—always ready to communicate.

I got smart and left the busy campground early this morning. Better to be “rootless and on the road” than in a stressful place. Mostly, on this very warm day (32 degrees C), I’ve just been sitting in shady spots—“no particular place to go,” as in the Chuck Berry song. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today? How can I embrace more love and light; feel more of a sense of belonging?

Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that we are with you as friend and companion and mentor or any other type of relationship that makes you feel better, stronger, healthier and more whole.

My two-and-a-half-year search for a new home since leaving Vancouver and coming to the Island, and a search for belonging, is nearly finished. It is incredible, after all this travelling and seeking—it’s as if I have been wandering like the blind Oedipus. I couldn’t find “my people” and “my place in the world” . . . and now it’s happening. I have wanted to get off the 49th parallel (Canada–U.S.A. border), which I grew up near and later lived near for decades. An astrocartography (astrology of place) report that I ordered revealed that particular latitude to be a place of violence and unhappiness for me. Campbell River turns out to be just above the 50th parallel (there is a handsome five-foot granite marker along the ocean on Highway 19A). . . . I’m out at last.

We’re with you for all of it, Mr. Neall. As we’ve said many times, “Don’t quit”; “Persevere”; “Don’t look back.” That’s what you’ve done to create a new reality. Congratulations. We’ll say it again: “Don’t look back—nothing for you there.”

And I have your presence with me to share this hard-won accomplishment, this happiness, this “future unlike my past.”

Exactly. We never quit. We never go away. . . . We’re always available for companionship, communication, dialogue, the Big Picture, mentoring, parenting, big brothering /sistering or anything else that could be helpful . . . like unconditional acceptance / love—the free gift of the universe.

The pearl of great price.”

You got it, Pontiac.

There’s a 1954 Pontiac (and a dozen other 1950s cars) on a large photographic wall mural that I’m gazing at right this moment.

We know. We are you, remember?

I do . . . the Good News.

Right again. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. Go with God always. We will never let you down. Your Higher Self—“Master of the A & W.”


August 7, 2012: A & W Restaurant, Cliffe Avenue, Courtenay, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear Mr. Neall.

What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today? The program I’m in through the naturopathic doctor involves taking homeopathic supplements (called Rubimeds) in water that I sip on all day. These products are supposed to bring to the surface and resolve hidden conflicts that are interfering with wellness. Since beginning the two products a week ago, I’ve had unusual dreams (as I was advised would happen): 1): My mother, playing a game of two-a-team touch football—an image so unlike my mother as to be humorous. Football was never my disciplined, stay-at-home Mennonite mother’s long suit. Also: Me with my older brother (who I also am conflicted with) sitting close to me and I gaze at his youthful face (he is 67 in real life), which is simply beautiful, radiating a spiritual light. There’s simply no way I am able to be at odds with such a wonderful being . . . [tears] . . . What relief!

Dear Mr. Neall: The journey of healing you are on is creating beautiful results. You deserve to live free of enervating inner conflicts that have been sapping your strength and affecting your health for years. You have found a unique way to help yourself that could have a long-lasting, positive outcome.

There’s still the deep lower-back issue that intensified in the Gold River crisis of late June. I’m asking for help with this; help to keep moving steadily out of fate and into destiny—in a manner that I can comprehend.

Healing is an unlimited field, Mr. Neall, and you are connected to an unlimited source. When you understand that deeply . . . when you let it in that you are deeply, unconditionally loved by the universe, which is as powerful a friend as your publisher friend, whose time with you has buoyed your spirits for several weeks now (and friends don’t want to see friends suffer needlessly) . . . when you get the power and love available to you, your life will really change—for good. . . . Unlimited, Mr. Neall. This power is unlimited. It operates (as you repeat in your daily affirmations) in, around, through and as everything and everyone. It never quits. It is eternal There is no end to its helpfulness and mercy. It led you to Campbell River and the naturopathic doctor . . . [tears] . . . and is with you today at the A & W—with no judgment on “health food vs. fast food” . . . [yawning] . . . “Everywhere, anywhere, any time,” as we keep saying.

You do. . . . So I can stop worrying now?

Worry creates nothing (as you already know).

On this subject I want lots of reminding.

Love and light, Mr. Neall. Everything is possible in love and light—as you understand from your recent visit to your publisher friend, who loves you and has offered to help in any way she can with (having more fun by) publishing photo art books (and has the necessary experience and skills to do so) . . . That’s how love works.

I get it. That’s how you want to help me—only on a much more all-encompassing scale—any problem: physical, mental emotional, financial, social, spiritual—with wisdom, upliftment, peace of mind, wellness, inspiration, courage, compassion, the Big Picture, and on and on . . .

Yes.

And you’re always available and you never abandon anyone and you have unlimited resources—including a skilled, experienced naturopathic doctor in Campbell River, whose hobby is photography.

You’ve got it . . .

I don’t want to live in this much pain any more.

We are always with you, Mr. Neall, and will help you all we can. Never give up, friend; never give up . . . [tears] . . . Vaya con Dios, always. Your Higher Self.


August 10, 2012: Roadside pullout, Portuguese Creek Bridge, Bridge Road, 10 km north of Courtenay, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, Mr. Neall.

After a visit with my male counsellor and feeling a new level of support (he’s ”got my back”—a type of relationship I’ve never experienced before), I was able to grieve a lot of sadness out of my heart today while reading the sad ending of another great “dog book” (Lonesome: Memoirs of A Wilderness Dog by Chris Cjaikowski [beautifully and skilfully related from the dog’s point of view]) . . . Today I have more energy and am contemplating new creative ideas; thinking bigger. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery?

Hello, Mr. Neall: Step by step you are owning your emotions, healing your reactivity and moving forward. You are understanding your need for support and connection, making sure that those needs get filled. That’s called maturity, Mr. Neall. Congratulations. We celebrate every step towards happiness with you, no matter how long it takes. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


August 12, 2012: Overflow camping (the parking lot), Miracle Beach Provincial Campground, Black Creek, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear Mr. Neall.

At 6:00 a.m. I got up and walked 200 metres to the beach, where there is a nearly 180-degree view of the Coast Range mountains on the BC mainland, across Georgia Strait. The view must encompass 60 kilometres, north to south. A beautiful bank of cumulus clouds above the mountains slowly became gold-tinged as the unseen sun approached, then the first rays emerged above the peaks and over the next two minutes the full sphere slowly became visible and another day had begun. . . . In the van, as I ate breakfast, CBC radio featured an interview with Sons of Freedom Doukhobors who, as children in the 1950s in southeastern BC, had been kidnapped and sent to a tyrannical residential school; an eight-foot chain-link fence kept them away from their families as the government tried to force their Russian-speaking culture out of them—similar to what had been done to aboriginal children. These adult survivors spoke directly and honestly in a very touching way, and it brought up my own past of having lived through tyranny, and gave me an opportunity to grieve it. (The Doukhobors made an official complaint to the BC Human Rights Commission, seeking an apology from the government in 20??) [GET UPDATE] . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my own health / healing / recovery today, dear Higher Self / God within me?

Dear Mr. Neall . . . [burping] . . . We are always with you, as you continue to heal your past and build a future unlike where you came from. It is your dedication to your disciplines—journalling, nature time, living one day at a time, vision questing, support systems in place, medical / health program—that makes the difference, that helps you to change and grow (up), to find your place in society, to become empowered and effective—and happy and peaceful. . . . Again, we salute every step forward and we are with you “without fail”—in every sense of that expression. . . . Vaya con Dios, beloved brother. Your Higher Self.


August 15, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall, ready to communicate.

I am getting bogged down. What was chronic pain in my back seems to have become permanent. Also, giving up the addiction to coffee-drinking reveals that I don’t have much to replace it with yet, and I fill up my time with reading newspapers and listening to the radio—low-energy activities that don’t inspire me, rather fill my mind mostly with trash and trivia; the conditioned, unawakened life; and tragedy at many levels. Last night I dreamed of driving a car, with a female passenger, fast around a left-hand curve on a canyon road next to a very steep drop. It seemed impossible that I could stay on the road at that speed—but I did. I seem to be at some risk. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today?

Dear Mr. Neall: Once again, know that we are with you, that you are not alone; that you have not been abandoned; that you can be safe even when you come out of isolation. These are the patterns that are running your life, and they are well-practised from decades of use and from the distant past as well. Know that our love is unconditional, available even to those who feel unworthy and undeserving, isolated and abandoned. Know that it never ends; that there is no judgment; that peace and happiness are within reach of everyone who makes an honest effort.

I am willing to do that . . . [yawning] . . . I forgot again that you are always available: for companionship, friendship, parenting, mentoring or any other type of connection I am missing at the moment. Sometimes my feeling nature appears to be a bottomless black hole of missing masculinity, loneliness, anger and a kind of spiritual arrogance. Thank you for attending to this lack, from your unlimited storehouse of energetic possibilities. “The Trials of Job” would be an apt description of my life . . .

And there is no judgment on that, Mr. Neall. We do nothing that would add one atom to your load of misery. Rather we seek to inspire, to uplift, to bring a smile to your face, light to the darkness, balm to the anger over what is missing in your life . . . so that you can become whole and real and happy . . . [tears] . . .

And connected . . .

Indeed. And loved.

The whole package . . .

The package called wholeness.

Is there anything else I could know about my health / healing / recovery today? About finding inner peace? About trust? About feeling more abundant?

Continue your disciplines, Mr. Neall—your affirmations and gratitude and prayer sessions. Note how quickly these days a few minutes of prayer while driving will change your mood. Note how your daily walks and stretching sessions and dental flossing make your body happier; how they change your attitude to one of gratitude for this body, the vehicle of your soul, and how your body cooperates with you in return. . . . Love, Mr. Neall—it’s about love. Everything goes easier from a state of love. And by making a discipline out of this writing, you are making sure you get your share. . . . Never quit, dear one. Never quit claiming your harvest of love. We never quit, as you know and have written previously. “Eternal and unlimited and always available” are our main characteristics. Nourish yourself at this well. Take what you need, until you are full and spilling over . . .

. . . “Heart and soul, I fell in love with you / Heart and soul, like any fool would do . . .” When you feel crazy, be a fool for love, Mr. Neall. You’ll have friends in every town you live in—and that’s the spiritual life; the liberated life; the life out of prison—out of the “mind-forged manacles” of depression and addiction, chronic negativity and mental illness.

And this is a never-ending partnership for the exploration of such ideas . . .

You got it, Pontiac . . . and no charge, ever.

So . . . love is the answer . . .

Believe it, Mr. Neall, believe it: Love is the answer.

The ne plus ultra . . .

Yes . . . the friend, the companion, the mentor, the guide, the light on the path, the uplifter, the inspirer, the teacher. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall, student extraordinaire. Your Higher Self.


August 17, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear Mr. Neall.

Still with me . . .

Indeed—always.

So . . . I have found my home: Campbell River. It’s been five years since first I began exploring small towns, camping at Lillooet, and also house-sitting; then through those contacts in Vancouver house-sitting in Union Bay on the Island. Then out of that I moved to Courtenay, then to Gold River and now Campbell River. . . . What a long journey, what a quest, and what an accomplishment—out of unworkability; out of living by default in Vancouver to living from awareness and choice in my new home. . . . I sense your hand in this . . . and I am grateful.

We are glad to help, Mr. Neall, friend and companion. You have made the effort: recognized the problem, set a goal, taken up the search and now achieved the result. . . . Please spend some time patting yourself on the back; integrating the changes; acknowledging the success of overcoming your immobility and self-loathing; the success of having made your first conscious move in lifetimes . . . of choosing self-love over rage.

Thank you for that. I am almost speechless. . . . Yesterday morning, on the sidewalk as I was walking I found a fresh pink rose in full bloom with two buds. I picked it up and placed it in a bottle of water in my van, where its aroma invigorates me. . . . I’ve heard that the Mother Goddess, to whom I’ve been praying daily for six months, speaks through the appearance of flowers. . . . This feels like a beautiful “divine gift.”

And why not, Mr. Neall? You are worthy of it. You are deserving of mercy and compassion and happiness—everyone is. . . . Fill up at the filling station, Mr. Neall—spiritual nourishment: always available through effort, discipline, focus, perseverance, patience—and love. . . . “Be love and be loved”—you first encountered this statement at a Vancouver holistic centre twenty-five years ago. Now it’s coming true.

That’s a big change. Becoming peaceful and happy is quite a journey. It’s like learning to live in a new culture and speak a new language—and always more to take in; more expansion to experience.

You’ve got it, Mr. Neall. You are understanding the experience of being on a path. It’s not conventional life, rather a life of constant growth; of being a student.

I’m willing to be a student—in fact, I quite like it. I’m learning all the time now. I want a life without blame, shame, guilt or self-punishment, without chronic pain and suffering.

Knowing and stating what you want gets you half way there, Mr. Neall. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


August 18, 2012: A & W Restaurant, Discovery Harbour Shopping Centre, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always with you, Mr. Neall.

I could use some help. . . . After my beautiful time yesterday with the minister at the Centre for Spiritual Living—friendship, love and mentoring—today I am an emotional mess and in a lot of pain. I’m trying to connect these two events, so I can live a better life. . . . What I’ve figured out is this: Each time after I have a happy, friendly, loving time with someone, my internalized “negative father complex” kicks in with self-attack, self-punishment, self-criticism, shame and guilt—as in “How dare you be happy when I am so miserable?” and “We’ll have to put a stop to that.” A counsellor I visited last year in Comox who had also grown up in an abusive fundamentalist Christian home effectively summed up his experience with the statement “What is not compulsory is forbidden.” . . . This is what I want help with.

Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that we are with you even in such closed-loop emotional conundrums; that we never abandon anyone; that we can bring love and light to the most difficult situations. . . . You are on the verge of finding a new life—the life of the awakened heart; the life of courage and compassion; of self-affinity, self-acceptance and self-approvement; the life of friendship and love; of more-frequent connection to your Higher Self. The more you can live from your heart, the less those other conditions will bother you . . .

. . . You understand now what you want: love and empowerment, in a nutshell. You are finding the help you need to move in this direction. As we’ve said before: Don’t quit. Don’t stop persevering in the direction of your dreams of good health, good income and a meaningful, peaceful and happy life. We are always with you in this expansion, this growth and development of your personality. And we know nothing of failure. We will be a brother or sister, mother or father, friend, mentor or guide—whatever you need at any moment for this journey. We have an unlimited repertoire of responses—please believe this. Know that help is available; that partnership is promised—forever: a partnership in love; in overcoming fear and worry; in learning happiness. Believe it, Mr. Neall, and watch your life change. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


August 20, 2012: Wendy’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC [using the electrical outlet beside this particular table to recharge my camera batteries]

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear Mr. Neall.

I am grateful for all your guidance over the years; for providing hope and upliftment during hopeless and despairing moments. . . . I’m still relaxing into the feeling of having found my new home in Campbell River. Now I need to create an actual physical home, as I bring to an end my summer of living out-of-doors. (One morning as I stood and prepared breakfast in the early rays of sunshine, listening to Welsh baritone Bryn Terfel’s rich voice radiating from his Simple Gifts CD on my van’s stereo, a stranger walking by commented, “It’s the good life, eh?” It is uplifting to be recognized in one’s contentment by those one has never met before.) . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?

Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that there is no end to our love for you; no end to our caring and concern. Please know also that there is nothing else for us to do, no other agenda, than to help you in every way possible to have a good life. We are never “too busy” or “otherwise occupied.” As we’ve said before, this dialogue can go on forever. Every problem, every conundrum, every fear or worry, every situation of lack can be brought to our doorstep and be addressed there. We never quit.

So . . . I can stop complaining and stop worrying—and especially, stop catastrophizing . . .

We highly recommend it—

Even though I have just $40.00 in the bank and need to travel 150 km for a medical appointment tomorrow . . .

Even though . . .

And even though I carry those strong abandonment scenarios in my mind that say “There is no one I can trust to be there for me for the distance.”

We never quit. The light never goes out here. It never will. Peace, relaxation, contentment, workability, purpose, upliftment and joy are all possible—

. . . through this discipline (and other ones like prayer, living one day at a time, exercise, good nutrition, support, focus, contemplation) . . .

There is a plan in place, powered by love and light. It’s yours for the asking.

I want help with the chronic pain stuck in my lower back / pelvic bones. I’ve had pretty much enough of this dysfunctionality.

You already know many of the attributes of this syndrome, Mr. Neall: self-criticism, self-doubt, self-punishment, shame and guilt and anger. That’s what holds the stuck energy in place. Transforming it requires prayers to affirm your self-worth, deservingness, handsomeness and self-esteem, as well as exercise and owning your divine nature, your path of wholeness / holiness / creativity, love, play and purpose. . . . Of course we will be with you for all of this. . . . It is possible, Mr. Neall. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


August 24, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear Mr. Neall.

A shift has occurred. My visit to the specialist for neurological testing has borne fruit. First of all, the test proved that, despite the weakness in my legs, there is no nerve damage. My feet are responding to electrical stimulus as they should. Second, in my exchange with the doctor I was informed that when things are no longer working it’s good to “shake things up” by trying something completely different. Thus I’m taking up body building (rather than length or distance swimming, which he also suggested). A long session at the gym two days ago, working all the major muscle groups, has left me a happier, more relaxed person. (Besides, what I understood from the crisis in Gold River was that I needed to “rebuild my body.”) I believe today that I was becoming “too spiritual” and thus imbalanced; that I was trying to solve problems like pain and suffering through only the spiritual realms rather than through strengthening my body and outer persona. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today, dear one?

Dear Mr. Neall: “When you are happy, we are happier” (as we’ve said before). Now you’re getting it from your own perspective. It’s what you’ve always wanted—you see now, don’t you: to be happier.

Indeed. It truly feels as if I am learning a new language this week. . . . Body-building had never occurred to me; and in my background in a (“humble”) Christian environment, activities like this were not encouraged. But I want to look good and feel good; to be strong and healthy, able to deal with life; to smile more often; to experience joy; to “carry myself well”; to “hold my head up high.” Otherwise I’m suffering—and what’s the point of that?

Welcome to the world of happiness, Mr Neall—like a chick emerging from an egg. . . . No guilt, no shame, no self-punishment—just a real (and happy) person. As one of your teachers, Chuck Spezzano [www.psychologyofvision.com] has written, “If it’s not a happy belief it’s not a true belief.”

It takes someone with a PhD to say something like that [Spezzano has a PhD in psychology??] I have a friend with a PhD and years ago I wanted one too. After thinking about it for a long time, I realized I wanted a PhD in F.U.N., or happiness. It seems as if you are “a creator of PhDs in the University of Life”—a level or two up from the University of Adversity.

We are here to help in any way we can.

Thank you for helping me. Please don’t stop.

We can’t—we’re part of you. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. Peace and happiness be with you always.


August 25, 2012: Tyee Spit Park, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you tonight, Mr. Neall, as always.

After another body-building session this morning my upper body feels strong but the rest of me feels unwell. Bob Dylan’s “Desolation Row” was playing in my mind a while ago. . . . What’s the most important thing to know in order for me to feel better; to return to love and light in my soul?

Dear Neall: We are always with you and without judgment—“just friends, no matter what.” Congratulations on two workout sessions this week. It’s good to feel strong, and the unlimited-hot-water shower afterwards provides a treat for your body. . . . Love begins with yourself, Mr. Neall. (Not the first time we’ve said that, but it bears repeating.) Do whatever it takes, Mr. Neall. Stop all other activities. That’s what prayer and meditation times are for: return to the self: the self-liking self. Nourish that innocent child within you who only wanted love, caring and attention. You’re the only one who can do it now; the only one who knows when it’s particularly needed—like when you want to change “Desolation Row” to “Love Can Build A Bridge.”


August 30, 2012: Wendy’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall—always ready to communicate.

Thank you. I want more love and light in my life, and guidance regarding my health and a physical home in Campbell River, now that I’ve decided this where I will live. What are the most important things to know in these areas of concern?

Dear Mr. Neall: There is no lack in your Higher Self. We are a self-sufficient, eternal, unlimited force that fills the universe—“bigger than the Big Dipper, bigger even than the awesome Milky Way,” as you state in your daily prayer treatments. As you understand from your moments in an expanded state, anything is possible: new situations arise; people’s plans change; unexpected income shows up; you read the fine print in an ad; a piece of paper falls on the floor that has relevant information on it. . . . The important thing is to be in the expanded state—which is the result of your disciplines: prayers, this writing, meditation, contemplation while walking. We are always ready to connect with you. We have nothing else to do than to be concerned for your happiness. REPEAT: We have nothing else to do than to be concerned for your happiness . . .

. . . It’s a dedicated channel, Mr. Neall, designed to create results in any area of life. Let it create results in yours. Let it create freedom from fear and worry, good health, feelings of abundance—out of which a home is created. Let it bring love into your life—morning, noon and night; companionship; comfort; courage; self-affinity; peace of mind; connection with like-minded others; clarity of purpose and path; illumination; upliftment; inspiration; happiness . . . [yawning] . . . unlimited thinking; humour.

The whole enchilada . . .

You got it.

How could I feel more hopeful about my health tonight? I can do a lot with EFT and prayer; still there are the prostate and lower back issues—“annihilation of my masculinity” I would say, to sum it up in a few words. I don’t feel comfortable enough in my emotions to take photographs, which is often an enjoyable (and emotional) experience. . . . So it is joy that I have lost these days—that’s what’s missing. Connection with my inner child, too—the relationship that is about happiness. I need to connect with him. Please help. (I get a cramp in my gut when he feels ignored and wants attention.)

Dear Mr. Neall: You are recognizing the problem—good. We represent an unlimited source that is always ready to help. Please accept our deep compassion for your situation; for your feelings of annihilation. It’s more of your “the son must die to appease the wrath of the father” pattern—triggered by your long (by your standards) conversation with a man your own age at the gym today; including while naked in the shower. You were relaxed after your workout and enjoying the endless streams of hot water (solar-heated water, which holds special meaning for you). You made a positive connection with him—then went into self-attack once again over this “success,” this experience of fearless, mature male behaviour.

It seemed like a pretty big deal at the time. I haven’t had much male companionship lately—the result of the moving around I’ve been doing (and my ingrained patterns). Thankfully I have you to work this out with.

We never quit, Mr. Neall—we don’t know the expression. We teach love; fearlessness; the overcoming of problems of any stripe, at any level. Today we are teaching self-love—to help you change your father’s (unconscious and ignorant) opinion of you; to help you see that it was his loss not to have you in his life; to help you find your “missing masculinity”; to help you accept yourself unconditionally, no matter your past . . . [burping] . . . That is the task, Mr. Neall. That is part of your building “a future unlike your past”—as you pray for each day. . . . We never abandon anyone, and will always be available for this type of spiritual work. As you realize, this is what is required for you to become healthy and happy and “on course.”

I do indeed. Thank you. Blessings.

Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. “Love always”. Your Higher Self.


September 3, 2012, Labour Day: Tyee Spit Park, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear Mr. Neall—close at hand.

I wish to express my gratitude for the guidance that has brought me to Campbell River, where I can begin to put down roots; get grounded in a community; develop my creative ideas; and get the right kind of help with my health. So many things “feel right” here for me: a modern community that is not living in lack, with an interest in its own history, with bookstores and an arts community; fitness centres with good rates; a city close to nature—in fact, right in nature: people are fishing in the river and the ocean right in town; an abundance of island and ocean and mountain views; with health food stores and progressive medical practitioners. . . . My health is improving with the body-building workouts and the homeopathic treatments. I’m starting to be able to look forward again . . . especially after being “surprised by joy” yesterday—the joy of your presence, unannounced, telling me I was on the right path; and later imagining myself feeling strong and healthy as an artist / author of a published book of photography. . . . I am grateful for everything and everyone that has brought me to this point in my development, in my expansion.

Dear Mr. Neall: As you know, we are glad to help, and will always help. “No problem too big to solve.”

My life had become a big problem for me . . . [tears] . . .

. . . And you believed in something: the power of affirmative prayer. You believed something better—some change—was available, even though you didn’t know how to get there. You believed that “there is always a way”—for everyone, no matter their circumstances. You believed in healing (a big notion) and sought help from (fellow) healers. You believed, Mr. Neall, and it happened—and at a pace you could manage. And now you are changed . . . [burping] . . . Congratulations. . . . Now your faith has been strengthened; you see more clearly how change works. . . . It never ends, Mr. Neall, this power called healing. It’s “in the air” all the time—as you state in your song “Stop, Look and Listen.” It is an unlimited, eternal, universal force that can be tapped into at any moment.

And “Thank God for that.”

You are welcome to partake of this energy at any time, Mr. Neall. We never go away; we never sleep; we abandon no one.

So I’ve noticed. . . . Again, I am grateful—as I am for living in a wealthy region of a wealthy province of a wealthy country of a wealthy continent; for my personal mobility and vehicular mobility; for today’s bright, warm sunshine; for all those who are helping to uplift humanity: therapists, counsellors, healers, spiritual guides, mentors, artists, musicians, writers, the Ascended Masters. “For the lack of a teacher a life is lost,” as it is said [by ???]

For the lack of a willing student as well.

I’m feeling more confident of your continued presence in my life.

That will help you in every facet of life, Mr. Neall. And it will make you happier. . . . With our good wishes, Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


September 5, 2012: Parking lot, Black Creek General Store, Highway 19A, Black Creek, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall—in sunshine or in rain.

This morning I did a very deep EFT session on the painful childhood feelings of “not fitting in” with my family of origin, and the anger of not being treated well—feelings that were affecting my well-being six decades later (pointed out recently by a psychic healer). The old feelings released through great belching sounds, louder and deeper than ever before. If it’s true that these feelings are now actually gone, it would account for me being somewhat disoriented and “lonely” this afternoon (and drinking an icy strawberry-banana slush drink to “freeze” my unfamiliar new feelings). . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today?

Dear Mr. Neall: You’re definitely “in the program” today. As the wise part of you knows: In the long run you are better off to have dissolved the old situation, through it is unsettling at first to not be carrying that old pain around. Take time to nourish yourself; try not to criticize yourself over feeling disoriented: You are arriving in present time after decades of being stuck in the past—getting your head above water, as it were. It takes time to adjust. It’s a good exercise to not criticize yourself whenever unusual feelings come up (or for having your once-a-year slush drink); to not judge yourself right away. Tell your inner critic and judge to “take a hike.” . . . Love, love, love, Mr. Neall—love yourself—today. Find a way to stop the inner critic. Forgive yourself every ‘mistake’—sixty years’ worth—that’s what God does. . . . Feel the power in that.

I can indeed . . . [tears] . . . [burping] . . . My mind doesn’t often think that big . . .

A chance to stretch it today.

I accept. I do want to grow; to become more mature . . . [burping] . . . more forgiving.

You’re in the right place for that.

Thank you for the teaching today—I’m feeling better.

You’re welcome, Mr. Neall. Vaya con Dios from your always available Higher Self.


September 7, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Right with you, Mr. Neall—“pals forever.”

I forget sometimes . . . okay, I forget a lot. . . . I’m in grief over not having found a home yet in Campbell River, despite connecting with several people and placing Internet ads. My thinking isn’t big enough, my courage lacking, perhaps. What’s the most important thing to know today about this situation, as well as my health / healing / recovery?

Dear Mr. Neall: Please accept our concern for you: concern as in caring rather than worry. Please accept that we will never abandon you; that we will never be apart again. Please accept that your grieving brings empowerment and makes room for new ideas and lightens you up. “The “old house” is falling apart to make room for a new one—just as is happening across the street (where a wooden structure has been knocked into a pile of rubble by a large machine). . . . It’s all for good, Mr. Neall. Please accept that too.

Renewal . . .

Renewal, Mr. Neall, as in “Be ye transformed by the changing of your mind.”

What else do I need to know today—other than to perhaps take a rest . . . and a break from having sessions with mentors and healers, and trust more in my own inner wisdom?

Be at peace, Neall—do whatever brings you peace today. Your outlook on life is changing, as you know. The childhood pain is fading. Keep praying, as you do, to be “in the right place, at the right time, with the right people, the right amount of money, the right purpose and path . . .” et cetera. We’ll be right there with you—always, in all ways. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. Your Higher Self.


September 9, 2012: Campsite 50, Miracle Beach Provincial Park, Black Creek, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall, in brotherhood.

I’m suffering a lot today—stuck in “fate thinking” rather than “destiny thinking.” I’d like to speak to the God of love; the God who forgives sixty years of mistakes in thinking.

Dear Mr. Neall: “Fear not, for I bring you tidings of great joy” . . . [tears, yawns] . . .

I’m longing to experience joy . . . and love . . . [yawns, burping] . . . and innocence and empowerment . . .

Dear Mr. Neall: You want to “change your thinking, change your mind” and you’ve come to the right place. Congratulations on deciding yet again to trust that your Higher Self has answers to these kinds of issues. For it is joy itself. It is peace. It is wisdom. It is abundance. It is the Big Picture. It is “the eternal givingness of life to itself” (as you write in the introduction to your photo art book about flowers). . . . There is no lack here—of anything. Pull from the source, Mr. Neall. Take what you require—morning, noon, evening, night. . . . Unlimited—we are unlimited.

The Good News . . . still here.

Never-ending. . . . Ready to fill every nook and cranny of your cranium.

Please do—whatever it might take for me to relax tonight, to feel hopeful of experiencing the joy you speak of. It seems like a distant memory: it’s there somewhere—but either very small or very far away, or both. How can I grow it; bring it nearer? It seems essential to start to do this now.

Dear Mr. Neall: You’ve reached out: that’s the way. Feel the “big energy” of the stars coming into your consciousness here and now. You’ve been praying every day to know the Great Force that encompasses these lesser forces: Ursa Major (the Big Dipper; Sky Bear), the awesome Milky Way; to know the Big Picture; to become free from fear and worry . . . [tears, sobs] . . . Now it’s happening; now we are here . . . [yawns] . . . in love; in light; in compassion . . . [yawns, burping] . . . in healing . . . because you’ve let us in. . . . And because we are not separate from you we can always be invoked—even though at times we shrink in your consciousness to the size of an atom.

Thank you. . . . Is there anything else I need to know tonight about my health / healing / recovery?

Your faith is what “sets you free,” Mr. Neall—your choosing to make time for this writing, this communication. Blessed be the communicators—always, dear one, in all ways. . . . Your friend forever. Your Higher Self.


September 13, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self. It’s been four days—too long; I’ve been missing you.

We’re right here where we’ve always been, Mr. Neall—in your heart; part of your mind; a piece of your consciousness that you can tune in to.

The challenge (for an introvert) of building a new life in a new town continues: how to find suitable accommodation; how to meet creative and compassionate people; how to start enjoying myself; how to increase my income. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today?

Dear Mr. Neall: Congratulate yourself for having found your geographical place in the world; for coming up with ideas to propel yourself forward (counsellor, support group); for turning to the resources of your Higher Self; for keeping up your disciplines of morning and afternoon prayers; daily walks in nature; gym visits recently; sessions with healers; catharsis sessions on a local stretch of freeway to reduce built-up tensions.

Now I’m asking to be filled with love and light; to experience this new power I feel in an integrated way; to know that I’m “on course.”

Of course you’re “on course” . . . [yawning] . . . you’re talking to your source! Our love never ends, Mr. Neall. As you’ve written previously, there is no situation in which this love does not apply—“homeless or not . . . in pain or not . . . introvert or extravert,” et cetera. . . . “Be love and be loved”—what else would you want? Be gay; be happy. Be joy, lightness and ease; fun, laughter and play.

. . . and you never go away . . .

We can’t, Mr. Neall—we’re part of you. See if you can relax into it. We’re always available: No end of help—for eternity.

For eternity. . . . That bears repeating. “I am taken care of for eternity.”

Yes. For always and ever: “forever friends.”

I want and need to let that sink in today . . . because I know the corollary: freedom from fear and worry.

Exactly. Just as Jesus teaches, especially in the book you like, Walking Through Illusion by Betsy Otter Thompson.

He seems close by . . .

He’s never far away, Mr. Neall, with his message of love and self-love; compassion; non-judgment; inclusivity; self-responsibility; empowerment; the physics of emotional action and reaction; life as a self-chosen assignment in soul expansion.

A man after my own heart” . . .

Well put, Mr. Neall. “Put yourself in the picture,” as it is said.

That’s my plan.

It’s a good one. . . . From one heart to another: Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


September 15. 2012: Tyee Spit Park, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self—my source.

We are here, Mr. Neall, sunshine or rain. [It’s been unseasonably warm, sunny and clear for six straight weeks here on the Wet Coast, and there’s still no rain in sight; hours-of-sunshine records are being set.]

What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today? Is it possible that, with the attending of my first Campbell River 12-Step type of group yesterday, that I have found a “family of the heart” such as I have been seeking for years? Or is this going to cause me more stress than I can handle?

Dear Mr. Neall: The important thing is that you are trying things out; seeing what fits; seeing whether the rewards of telling your story, of being known, of finding like-minded companionship outweigh the stress that they cause. People who are living from their hearts [the focus of this program] don’t want to cause you any stress. Their lives have been changed by knowing Jesus—as yours is in process of being.

Indeed. . . . I’m reaching for more maturity.

Your goal is a good one, Mr. Neall. We offer no end of help for peaceful growth, for healing, companionship, mentoring, humour, friendship—whatever it takes.

Again, I’m trying to let this aspect of abundance—our relationship—“soak in.”

Take the time you need, Mr. Neall—there’s no pressure. You are learning to love yourself—the most important task of your life; the ground from which all true success springs.

I will “do my best and leave the rest.”

Wise words, Mr. Neall. . . . Vaya con Dios from your Sunshine Superman, your Higher Self.


September 18, 2012: Wendy’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall—without fail.

I just had an image pass through my mind—of myself as a connected, relaxed, strong, successful, smiling artist: a complete reinvention of myself. Being at the gym for a good body-building session this morning had something to do with that, I believe, as did several friendly e-mails today and a new therapist. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?

Dear Mr. Neall: You are “working it out,” one day at a time. You are believing in self-love and love, getting help and support, intensifying your health disciplines—transforming yourself. Know that we will never let you down, on your path. As you know, when you are happy (free from guilt and shame and anger and hurt), we are happier. Don’t quit, Mr. Neall: Don’t stop arriving in present time, free from your past; don’t stop challenging the status quo, the pain you live with; don’t stop learning about love and communication, to bring you out of isolation; don’t stop contacting your source of upliftment and inspiration, through prayer and this writing; don’t stop seeking stillness and solitude, for integration; don’t stop developing your art and writing and musical ideas, or studying books like the one you’re reading now [Morning, Noon and Night: Living the Creative Life by Judy Collins] . . .

. . . Don’t stop forgiving yourself for every ‘mistake’ of the past sixty years; don’t stop reaching for joy. You deserve it; you are worthy of it. You are worthy of being loved, cared about and getting more attention for your skills and talents. . . . And when you fall down, we are still here—no judgment in this school you are in: the school of unconditional love; the school of inner peace; the school of abundance; the school of happiness; the school of “good enough.” Remember that you are a student, Mr. Neall, and claim those qualities for yourself. They’re “in the air, everywhere”—always available.

I can imagine these qualities being all around me. I grow into them.

Indeed, that is the way. Those are the rewards of diligent study. Claim your place as a student, and then you’ll be able to claim your place as a teacher.

And this goal “pulls me forward,” rather than the pain pushing me.

Yes. . . . Comprenez, our friend?

I do . . . [yawning] . . .

Blessings for a safe trip home [to the campground]. Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self (Wendy’s version).


September 22, 2012: Campsite 35, Elk Falls Provincial Park, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my friend, my Higher Self.

We are here, dear Mr. Neall, without judgment, without struggle or effort.

There’s a shakeup going on inside me. I’m discovering the positive part of my childhood—through music. Finding a new CD at the thrift store this week [Red White and Brass by the Canadian Brass] and then playing it, I was reconnected to my boyhood five years of playing in Surrey Brass Band in the Lower Mainland of BC, from age ten to fifteen. We made good music as we marched in parades, including the Pacific National Exhibition parade in Vancouver, and put on concerts in the community. I played tuba (also known as “double B-flat bass”). Five of the songs on the CD are ones we used to play, among them the lively marches of John Philip Sousa. Listening to this music feels like an honouring of the boy I was. . . . I also had a two-hour coffee conversation with the facilitator of the Twelve-Step group meeting, which covered much of my childhood and adolescence. . . What’s the most important thing to know tonight about my health / healing / recovery? Am I truly moving forward out of my past now?

Dear Mr. Neall: Honouring your boyhood (or your out-of-control adolescence) by sharing it this week with another adult male, or in any other way, is always a positive activity. Ending a pattern of self-criticism can bring nothing but good, and help clear the path to a happier future, to more love and light. . . . Don’t quit, Mr. Neall. Don’t stop seeking to learn addiction recovery; communication skills; the heart-centred life. Don’t stop seeking to expand your knowledge of art and music and writing and literature; . . . [yawning] . . . to grow in wisdom and calmness and inner peace; in capacity for relationship. We are always available to teach—24 / 7 . . . [yawning and tears] . . . “No end of help,” Mr. Neall: help to expand your soul; to grow your maturity.

That is amazing to hear. I am grateful for this “permanent partnership” . . . [yawning] . . .

It’s what love does. . . . It’s the language of the heart that is being taught and learned here; the language of “freedom from fear and worry.”

I’m all for that kind of freedom—having felt constricted by worry and fear for decades.

Diligently doing your (life’s) homework is all that is asked of you, Mr. Neall, in return for our teaching.

I accept the student role. I am willing to learn my lessons.

Well done, Mr. Neall. You are acceptable in all ways. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self, Saturday night edition.


September 24, 2012: Campsite 35, Elk Falls Park, Campbell River, BC [5:00 a.m.]

I wish to speak to my friend, my Higher Self.

We are here, dear Mr. Neall.

I have to ask: Why isn’t my path easier? What am I putting in the way of finding a home in Campbell River? I suppose it is always the same answer: my own negativity; lack of faith; lack of trust. . . . So, I have come to you once more, dear Higher Self, to trust once more that your ideas are better than mine; that your principles will get me “home” faster than my own distorted thinking and will bring me the peace and the love, the freedom from fear and worry that I am seeking. What is the path today?

Dear Mr. Neall: Welcome back. You are infinitely, limitlessly welcome here, without judgment or criticism. Please “make yourself at home.” You are safe— period. Let these thoughts and feelings percolate into your whole being; fill you up. Let this be your filling station, as you learned much earlier—your station for filling up with love and light; for nourishing yourself, nourishing your spirit . . . out of which your conditions can change.

I think I’ve become emotionally burned out once again. Too much “excitement” for me with an intense support group and long talks with its facilitator, a “conventional Christian,” like my parents became. Can I trust this group? Can I trust that I am “at home” in these writings?

Dear Mr. Neall: Find a way to love yourself today, as you are so good at doing, with your experienced “inner health detective.” Accept that you are experimenting with what works for you in your present, energized self—someone who has already changed a lot through diligent attention to his well-being; through his disciplines and courage. . . . Sometimes when nothing else works, spend a few hours thinking about everything you have to be grateful for—including hands that work so well for doing writing, and driving, and eating, and creativity, and healing, and signalling to others, and touching others; how extraordinarily well-designed and beautifully complex and capable they are. Then move to your eyesight, your hearing, your brain, and so on; and your skills and talents. Whatever it takes to move into a higher frame of mind; to a place free from fear and worry; free from recycling the same old thoughts over and over; free from the self-negating habits of a lifetime and more.

Thank you. Time for more sleep. [6:00 a.m.]


September 24, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my friend, my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall—always ready to communicate.

What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today? How could I love myself more? How could I live more in the heart of God? Live more effortlessly . . . more happily?

Dear Mr. Neall: You took an important step today: showing your mandala images to one of the graphic design agencies in Campbell River. Congratulations. You will have three framed images in a Courtenay art show for a month. Feel how “effortless” it is to do this; how pleasurable to talk about beauty and creativity; to receive compliments like “stunning” or “I like this one” or “Look at that fish!” or “You should charge more.”

I think I’m emotionally tired still from last week’s meetings, plus a long therapy session this morning. I want to use our conversation to get recharged; to help my lower back feel better; to become peaceful in my mind. There’s been quite a few good changes in the past week—connections with people after my long summer of solitude; and reconnection with my wonderful inner “marching boy” of the Surrey Brass Band.

Be blessed, Mr. Neall—morning, noon and night. The smiles and laughter (as you’re hearing from nearby tables tonight) will come when you feel safe and rested and empowered. No true God has anything against laughter and feeling good. Let go and let God, Mr. Neall. Let yourself be fathered (and mothered) tonight; let yourself feel safe, secure, supported, sufficient, taken care of . . . “safe in the arms of God”—and not only tonight, but forever. It is one of the options in a limitless universe that operates without effort.

I surrender to effortlessness . . . and laughter . . .

Good plan, Mr. Neall. And you’ve already surrendered to beauty and creativity. Try out love and inner peace whenever you feel like it—and the constant companionship of a “forever friend” who will never, ever abandon you or let you down.

I give . . . I give . . .

Is that a smile? . . . [yawning] . . .

I believe it is.

So you’re feeling better? . . . [yawning] . . .

It appears so . . . [more yawning] . . .

Then our job is done. Call on us at any time, Mr. Neall. We truly are a “forever friend.” . . . Vaya con Dios, amigos. Your high-speed Campbell River connection—your Higher Self.


September 30, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall—your “forever friend.”

This lack of a home and money is becoming a problem. The nights are getting colder. I want to be able to cook good meals, and use the Internet for writing and photography and researching wellness. The Wal-Mart parking lot (free camping for travellers) doesn’t really cut it any more. I’ve got the solitude I want, but nothing else. What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, from the friend who judges me not?

Dear Mr. Neall: Good things are happening, as you realize from your dreams [sitting with the Dalai Lama and other honourable and empowered Buddhists in a powerful, low-flying jet plane]. You are getting more energy, are in less pain, and are feeling stronger and lighter. You are understanding that you need to supplant the dysfunctional religious beliefs of your past with new beliefs that make sense to you and that speak to the Good Life you long to live. The book you ordered from the library last year that finally arrived last week has information that resonates with your soul [Bodhisattva of Compassion: The Mystical Tradition of Kuan Yin by John Blofeld]. It speaks to the end of the negative, foundational Christian archetype that hurt you so badly [“the son must die to appease the wrath of the father”].

I wept, reading one of the beautiful stories of faith in Blofeld’s book.

Cry on, Mr. Neall. It’s your healing, your empowerment, your happiness that you’re growing.

I need you to supply hope regarding finances and a home, the problem being that with my Union Bay house-sit scheduled for November this year rather than early October, I have a gap of over a month to fill between now and then. Help!

As you are learning, Mr. Neall, the problems (and the solutions) exist in Mind. The bigger you can think, the more opportunities can arise. The universe contains infinite possibilities, so when you practise (as you are at this moment) being part of an infinite universe, you are declaring that something besides your small, conditioned mind is operating in, around and through you. . . . And it is a universe based on love. It is love that is available (as freedom from fear and worry) as you enter uncharted territory as you progress on your healing journey; as you learn to communicate in ways you haven’t known how to; as you embrace life from a stance of empowerment rather than victimization; as you learn to live in present time and experience emotions other than numbness, lust and rage. . . .

. . . It’s a new world, Mr. Neall: Celebrate every victory, no matter how small; be grateful for every good that comes your way; forgive yourself every mistake; study, study, study; pray often; embrace Nature and fresh air; find a reason to smile and laugh.

It all sounds good.

It is, Mr. Neall, and it is available, here and now. . . . Blessings. Vaya con Dios. Your (celebrating) Higher Self.


October 2, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall, always available: the Good Parent (and much else).

I’m out of ideas and lacking money for a home. I don’t know whether I’m not worrying, or just unconscious of my own survival needs. I’m sleeping fairly well, and my regular workout sessions are creating new strength. How can I move forward now? Create income through photography? Solve my home issues? Stay positive and empowered? Live from my heart?

Dear Neall: We are with you, in love and in light. Your discipline is improving and you are learning to turn to your Higher Self at any time of day. Your reading is teaching you more about people who live with faith: you are becoming one of them. You have engaged a counsellor to help you deal with old patterns that have surfaced as a result of your stepping out to change your life. You understand “inner figures of power” more clearly (e.g., Barack Obama, about whom you discovered a fine magazine article at the library today [Vanity Fair, October 2012]); you confronted with a friend your fears of appearing needy and received a positive response . . .

. . . You are becoming more mature, Mr. Neall. You are “doing the work” of becoming happy and peaceful. . . . Please know that we will never leave you. We are your partner in growth, healing and change. We welcome this dialogue, and are always available to you, night and day, as we are to all sincere seekers. Please remember that there is no judgment on your life; that unconditional love is available to you 24 / 7; that living from the heart creates a most wonderful journey, one you will never regret. . . . Blessings, Mr. Neall. Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


October 6, 2012: Tyee Spit Park, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, Mr. Neall, without fail, happy or not.

Thinking of you tonight brought tears of joy. I’ve felt good all day after my 6:00 a.m. catharsis during a drive on the freeway. Yesterday I challenged myself to once again attend the Finding Freedom program at a local church, for survivors of dysfunctional families [www.findingfreedom.ca], after missing a week and deeply debating whether to continue. Having faced the challenge, then spending two hours at the gym, I’m feeling stronger not only physically but emotionally and mentally. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?

. . . [burping] . . . Dear Neall: Please know that we love you, no matter what, and that we fully support your inner-peace-and-happiness program, and we always will. Please believe that it is possible to rebuild your health and strength. Know this to be true. Know that the life of the awakened heart is well worth living; it is the key to everything you want: fearlessness, compassion for yourself and others, and self-esteem: no more self-criticism or self-sabotage; more feelings of wholeness and joy, fewer feelings of brokenness.

I’m all for that, dear one.

It’s the product of discipline, a notion that has to do with discipleship. As Carl Jung wrote to the “hopeless alcoholic” Bill W. [a founder of Alcoholics Anonymous], “Put yourself in a spiritual environment and hope for the best.” . . . Change is possible, even for people like you, Mr. Neall, who felt broken, burdened and hopeless for decades, and beyond. . . . “Follow your heart; do what you love” is the path to the freedom you are seeking. And with a “silent” partner who knows nothing of failure the load begins to lighten; opportunities appear; there can be a New Dawn—just as you enjoyed this morning after your empowering catharsis session. . . . Don’t quit, Mr. Neall. Don’t ever quit learning, studying, trying things out. . . .

. . . Know that you are endlessly blessed—just as you too have begun to (engage in) bless(ing) others. Know that you are loved unconditionally and that this love is always available—always. It will never end. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


October 10, 2012: McDonald’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, Mr. Neall—endlessly, effortlessly, gladly.

What’s the most important thing to know tonight about my health / healing / recovery?

As you are getting to know, Mr. Neall, you are navigating a midlife crisis, seeking new attitudes, new approaches, new direction, new energy, new ideas—reinvention, in a word. Bless you for taking this on and for not giving up. . . . You are getting help, as you know, from your dreams (the Dalai Lama) in this new direction; help in developing compassion (affection) for yourself and others, in building a future unlike your past, in dissolving chronic fatigue and other illness states, in transforming pain into useful energy. There is nothing more important to be doing, for anyone on this planet, Mr. Neall. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


October 13, 2012: McDonald’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, Mr. Neall.

The challenges continue, dear one: to feel more peaceful, more abundant and deserving and worthy of a good life. What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing/ recovery tonight?

Dear Mr. Neall: Know that you are loved—unconditionally. There is no judgment on your life, your lifestyle, your progress or lack of it. You are sorting out your life at a deep level, letting go of ‘failed’ relationships, embracing the positive parts of your boyhood through the musical therapy of listening to brass band recordings. Feel how much more personal power you have after your intense grieving of the woman you met in Toronto when you were twenty-seven and couldn’t get a relationship going with—whom you dreamt about recently and realized that she had been “the one.” She can live in your heart forever, Mr. Neall. You can speak to her, spirit-to-spirit, at any time, as you can with anyone. . . .

. . . You are learning self-care, self-love and empowerment—prerequisites for happiness. You are learning to believe in yourself, to trust in life—in you, around you and through you—and to know a bigger picture, one that makes life easier. You are learning to live a future unlike your past—one based on love and respect, hope, creativity, communication, compassion and (occasionally so far) conviviality. . . . We are with you as anything you need in order to move forward: teacher, mentor, friend, mother, father, brother, sister, wellness expert, force of inspiration, wise elder. We will never let you down or abandon you. We are not too busy—there is nothing else that we do—

My ‘forever friend.’

You’ve got it, Mr. Neall: your ‘forever friend.’

It’s taking me a long time to truly believe in this type of relationship.

We are patient, Mr. Neall. It doesn’t matter how many times you need to hear it or rediscover it—ten times, sixty-four times, one thousand times . . .

You are the one I’ve always been seeking—The Nameless; ‘the circle whose centre is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere’ [Blaise Pascal]; the ne plus ultra; the Beloved . . . [yawning] . . . the One in All / the All in One . . . [yawning] . . .

We are The One . . . [yawning] . . .

What’s the most important thing to know, then, about finding a good home (on my budget)?

You are doing the right things, Mr. Neall—the inner work of changing your consciousness; asking for help; living from your heart as much as possible; “sniffing around” on Internet and newspaper classifieds and on local bulletin boards, et cetera; keeping all options open; having friends pray for you.

Above all, to not criticize myself . . .

Indeed. . . . Love, love, love [café sound system song: John Lennon singing “Imagine”].

I didn’t realize till now how gentle John’s voice is on that song . . .

That song has touched a lot of hearts . . .

He’s singing from his empowered soul—John is a teacher to me.

Good to know that, Mr. Neall—just as we are: a teacher who will never quit. . . . Explore music to your heart’s content (note the word ‘content’). . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


October 22, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall, always ready to connect.

I’ve lost touch with you. It happens so subtly. I think I’m in a forward-looking, positive state, and then all of a sudden I realize I’m not, and things look hopeless and dark again. What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?

Dear Mr. Neall: Our most important attribute is love, which includes freedom from self-attack, blame, shame, guilt, self-doubt, self-criticism, self-punishment, self-pity, self-righteousness—or any other state you may be caught up in. We teach purpose, path, possibility, perspective, perspicacity, perseverance, patience and empowerment. We do more than teach this, in fact, we are this—morning, noon and night . . . [yawning] . . . Believe it, Mr. Neall. Believe that these qualities are in you as well. Believe that you are involved in a blessèd partnership that can be rediscovered at any time; resurrected; brought back to life. Reconnecting with your Higher Self can change the bleakest outlook, and you have already done it many times. This book is testimony to that. Your sitting down to do this writing tonight is testimony to your desire for change, and your acceptance that discipline is required to do so. Congratulations. You are becoming more mature. . . . Please know that we will never fail you; will never not show up when called upon. It is impossible for that to happen, as we have said previously. We are part of you, and will always be, though at times we become as small as an atom in your consciousness.

That’s what it feels like (again) now. How can I expand the part of me that is you? How can I give you a bigger role in my life . . . my plan for happiness?

Dear Mr. Neall: This is the way . . . loving yourself back to health. Accepting help. Reaching out. Surrendering to not knowing; to not having all the answers. Being vulnerable, open to change. Considering life as an adventure—an adventure in change, or healing; in self-acceptance; in letting someone, or something, else “take over” for a while—like your Higher Self.

Again?

Again and again and again . . . [yawning] . . . any day of the week, any month, any season. Every moment is a good one for opening the heart . . . [yawning] . . . of having compassion for oneself and one’s struggles; for being at peace with one’s past—and one’s future.

Compassion for one’s struggles’ . . . that stands out . . .

We don’t judge you, Mr. Neall. Never have, never will. We are your eternal, permanent partner in change—nothing can change that fact. We are also your friend, your compañionero, who doesn’t want to see you suffer, who is happier when you are happy, who loves to see you peaceful and ‘on the road to recovery,’ who loves to have you be cheerful.

My eternal friend . . . [yawning] . . .

Your eternal, always-forgiving friend.

Pace, pace, pace . . . peace, peace, peace.

And why not? It’s one of the options in an unlimited universe. . . . And suffering is truly ‘optional.’

All right, let it be so. Let it be so. I surrender the suffering. I accept your wisdom, help and guidance. You’re having a better time than I am. I am grateful for your presence. You never fail me.

That’s our specialty—“specialty of the house”: love and light that never fails, will never fail, cannot fail, shines on and on, has a sense of humour, uplifts, inspires, is patient and persevering, gentle, sure, true, abundant, appropriate to the situation, kind, available. . . . Take us with you wherever you go, Mr. Neall. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


October 24, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear Mr. Neall, in love and light.

I’m getting the peace of mind I want, through solitary living, sleeping deeply; trying not to judge myself for living in my van through chilly late October rains, studying fate vs. destiny in the Robert Ohotto book. What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?

Dear Mr. Neall: You are reaching out to people again, after a lot of solitude. You have a weekly support group (still new, granted) that includes at least five men (unlike anything you’ve previously experienced), where you are not judged. You have found an affordable counsellor who understands the spiritual search, who seems able to be of help. Your photos have been welcomed by the city’s art gallery. You are understanding the need for discipline in your life and are turning to affirmative prayer (and EFT) many times a day if necessary, knowing the help it provides. You are building your faith. You are getting to know the forces of love and light. You are doing the most important work there is to be done: inner work—freeing yourself from the ‘the binds of lifetimes.’ . . . Acknowledge yourself, Mr. Neall. Pat yourself on the back . . . [tears] . . . [yawning] . . .

. . . We are always with you—always. That’s the guarantee. You are never alone. Knowing that one thing changes your life forever. And we are glad to help you do that—anywhere, any time. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


October 27, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall, always with you.

I’m having intimations, the result most likely of my weightlifting workouts, of what it might be like to actually feel strong; to be living in a body that likes to move, that’s not full of aches and pains. This goes against everything I learned growing up: The body can’t be trusted; think only of spirit or God and not about the body, et cetera. Yet on a radio program this week I heard an author relate how in a Muslim teaching the body is moved during spiritual exercises, so that the teaching becomes a lived part of one’s whole being. This makes sense to me. Many men working out at the gym appear to be almost in a state of one-pointed meditation. And I feel so good after an hour and more of cardio training on the stationary bicycle plus weight training, that there is almost something spiritual about it. . . . That is, if one counts feeling good, feeling happy, as a spiritual state. It’s a holistic way of life: mental / emotional / spiritual / financial / social / AND PHYSICAL. . . . What’s the most important thing I need to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, dear one?

Dear Mr. Neall: Congratulations on your insight and your progress. You are learning how to keep hope alive. You are learning your own way as distinct from the ways of the culture you grew up in; disagreeing with your parents’ path in order to claim your own path, your freedom. You deserve all the health and strength and good feelings you can develop, Mr. Neall, and we offer endless, unconditional support to do so. . . . Blessings. Your Higher Self.


October 31, 2012: McDonald’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall, always with you.

I exhausted myself again last night in chatting with the woman and her husband who sell the Immunocal product that boosts the immune system. (I haven’t understood clearly how much smaller-town people [and Island people] like to chat). Then I feel like a wreck again. I need to learn to cut conversations even shorter. And I’ve been to two mechanics for van repairs and still the problematic “clunk” is happening. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, dear one? How can I grow in feelings of well-being, deservingness and abundance, and feel more strongly on my path?

Dear Mr. Neall: You are doing the right thing in consulting with your Higher Self, which has a bigger perspective. Remember, as we’ve said before: Never give up. Look how far your perseverance and disciplines have brought you: a new town for a new start; photos that attract interest; a camera to pursue your joy; understanding of the healing journey; courage to attend a support group of mostly males; friendships; understanding / accepting that life for you requires being in school forever, willing to learn; relationships of trust; new relationship with a spiritual teacher—Dalai Lama; inspiring books to read like Walking Through Illusion [sixth time now]; powerful healing techniques such as EFT and Tonglen breathing; a new, life-changing health routine in body building; an affordable counsellor; new appreciation of music as therapy / force for healing (brass band music).

That’s quite a list. Thank you.

We are here to help, Mr. Neall—anyone, anywhere, any time.

Indeed. It is good.


November 3, 2012: A & W Restaurant, Discovery Harbour Centre Mall, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, Mr. Neall, no matter what the weather, inside or out.

Thank you. I could use a friend tonight—too much change going on, after my deep “public” grieving session in my support group yesterday. I’ve never let go that much with anyone, nor ever felt that much unconditional support. . . . What now?

Dear Mr. Neall: Now you experience life with less pain. This is your year to move forward. 2012 is the year of spiritual cleansing, in preparation for “easier” spiritual connection in subsequent years—the real significance of the year 2012, beyond the fear and hype. . . . Do everything you know how in order to stay balanced, Mr. Neall: bodybuilding / yoga, prayers throughout the day, EFT, nature time / walking, connecting with friends, with your counsellor . . . loving yourself. As you are noticing, your sleep is now more peaceful than it’s been in years. And you’ve received the “miracle” you needed around your vehicle, a.k.a. your home: seemingly major brake / structural problems solved for $80.00. Plus having found an experienced mechanic, one you can relate to, who charges less than market rate—part of your abundance system.

All good things, plus a new photographic idea in progress: shooting illuminated night scenes through the rain-spattered windshield of my van during rainstorms. I am pleased with the outcome, with having this form of creative expression, with being able to artfully document my new city in a unique way.

Understanding and accepting your ‘need to create’ is an important aspect of your growth, Mr. Neall. “Never quit,” we say again. Keep reaching for your goals, your happiness, your joy, your health, your peace of mind, your empowerment, your freedom from the past, your ‘filling up’ with spirit as you doing here now.

I’d almost forgotten about the ‘human being filling station.’

We never go away, and we don’t judge you, Mr. Neall. We’re ‘good to know,’ as we will never let you down—ever. We are part of you forever—the ‘forever friend,’ the Good Parent, the Answer, the Way—as you’ve written earlier. Trust, trust, trust; open your heart—to yourself first, Mr. Neall, in self-affinity, self-acceptance and self-approvement—out of which being with others will get easier and easier; out of which doing what you love will become a natural way of life. “Let go and let God,” Mr. Neall, until your dreams come true. We’ll be with you for all of it—without fail. . . . Vaya con Dios. Blessings. Your Higher Self.


November 4, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall.

I am lightening up. It’s easier to smile, after my deep release of grief and pain on Friday. Years of tension have disappeared. I usually try to suspend all important decision-making for about three days after an experience of such intensity, allowing my mind to come back to balance. Fortunately I have that space. Tomorrow I will pick up my framed photo prints in Courtenay and bring them to the Campbell River Art Gallery, to be part of the Christmas show for seven weeks. A pleasant experience. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, dear one?

Dear Mr. Neall: You are finding your heart—an accomplishment that brings with it both courage and compassion. You were excited last week to read about a male life of great courage in the book The Elephant Whisperer and experienced it rubbing off on you. It’s the secret to life, Mr. Neall. It’s everything you want: love and empowerment and inner peace.

Yes, that is what I want: being creative as a career; feeling supported to make the changes I need to make; no longer feeling like a victim; living in a reality that works for me; feeling filled up instead of empty; looking forward to the next day, the next week; being able to laugh.

Love, Mr. Neall—it’s all available through love; through self-care and self-love and self-nurture; through being responsible (response-able) for how much love there is in your life; through taking responsibility for everything that happens to you, including how your unconscious acts out on the world around you through unusual events, slips of the tongue, accidents and so on. That’s why daily periods of self-examination are so important. . . . Keep going, Mr. Neall—into love and light. The Sufis have a saying: “If you want to awaken, nothing can get in your way; if you don’t want to awaken, you will get in your way.” . . . Blessings, Mr. Neall. Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


November 6, 2012: McDonald’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall, available for relationship.

Thank you. Just what I need and want tonight: a friend—someone who knows me well: an old friend.

Whatever your needs, Mr. Neall, we can provide—through this discipline of automatic writing . . . [yawning] . . . helping you to wake up; to become happier and healthier; to live with less fear and worry.

Love is what I’m interested in tonight—love as the antidote to fear and worry. Love to help me heal and to put a smile on my face. Love to make life easier, more connected; to bring me into present time.

Dear Neall: We will never let you down. This teaching has been available forever and will always be available. It never goes away. It is an eternal teaching: love and light—available to all, without judgment. The alpha and omega: beginning and end. The ne plus ultra: “that above which there is not other.” . . . Fill yourself up with it, dear one. Feel the connection; experience being accepted just as you are. No more struggling to be understood or recognized. Just unconditional love: someone “in your corner”—forever; “true blue.” Just feeling safe, secure, supported, sufficient, empowered, free from the problems of the past; looking forward again. . . .

. . . Looking forward again, Mr. Neall. Looking forward again. How great is that? No self-doubt, self-criticism, self-punishment—that’s what you’re building, brick by brick (actually thought by thought). Claim all good that’s meant for you, and never stop claiming it. Claim your positive mind, as when it’s singing “Love Can Build A Bridge.” Feel the upliftment you receive from this writing, from your prayers, body-building sessions, singing, your photography, walking or running in nature . . . [yawning] . . .

. . . Never give up, dear one, precious star—never give up. More light is coming . . . [yawning] . . . Be ready to receive. Be ready for friendship . . . [yawning] . . . morning, noon and night. We are . . . [yawning] . . . always with you. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


November 9, 2012: McDonald’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall, without fear or favour.

Thank you. What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight? I’ve got a long way to go to recover my health and strength and feeling of belonging in this world. As I take positive steps, with a unique support group, regular gym workouts and expanding my photography activities and connections, living from a position of empowerment, I wonder just where I have been for the past couple of decades . . . not present for sure. . . . Okay, no more self-criticism or self-punishment. . . . Still, you’ve promised to be with me “through everything” . . .

Dear Mr. Neall: There is no question of that. We are always available—we abandon no one. We have nothing else to do than to be of help: to uplift, inspire, heal, bring humour and energy and hope and an end to conflict—whatever is needed, wherever it is needed. We never quit—we can’t, we don’t know the term. We are love and light—forever . . . [yawning] . . .

And you have no judgment on me or my lifestyle . . . ever . . .

You’ve got it, Pontiac!

Some days it seems hard to believe. I guess it’s those times when I’m stuck in “everyday mind.” But to know that there is that much goodness in the world! But then, I know from observation that there are loving families, loving work relationships, loving friendships everywhere. There’s just not much of it where I am (yet).

Stay in school, Mr. Neall . . . see what you can build. Your teacher never tires of you. Your mentor is always at hand. This partnership is a permanent possibility.

So I can’t screw up when I’m in relationship with my Higher Self.

You’ve got that right.

Incredible.

That too. . . . Is that the beginnings of a smile?

It is . . . and I laughed in my Finding Freedom group today—where just last week I had grieved my “lost life.”

It’s happening, Mr. Neall . . . [yawning] . . . it’s happening. And we are glad to be of help in any way. . . . Love and empowerment: the end of most of your troubles. A God of your own understanding—everyone wants that, every day of their life.

I agree.

Go with God, Mr. Neall, always. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self. Your friend. Your Beloved. . . . Be at peace, blessèd one.


November 10, 2012: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear one, always close at hand.

I wish tonight to know the barriers to me having a home and to receive some hope that this is achievable now. I understand that I have made progress in changing my life: a new town, focus on my artistic and creative joy: photography, with a new series of ‘night rain’ shots; an effective support group / healing community the likes of which I have never found anywhere. The next step must be a warm and dry, affordable home. It’s coming on to winter, and my “indulgence” in outdoor living / camping is merely that now: an indulgence—and an uncomfortable one at that. Please help.

Dear Mr. Neall: Welcome to the real world, where most people live in homes and have neighbours, and many feel some connection to their community, sometimes for generations. Welcome to accepting yourself as an ‘unfinished’ human being. Welcome to a new opportunity to love yourself unconditionally and to being someone who can admit to needing help in his life—and someone who can accept it when it arrives . . .

. . . Empowerment, Mr. Neall. The issue is a lack of empowerment—manifesting as that painful knot of tension in your solar plexus area—another level of male victimization from your father and older brothers come to the surface, asking for attention.

That calls for a catharsis session, so I’ll head out and do that now.

We are with you in everything, Mr. Neall. Be safe, secure, supported and sufficient. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.

[Later that evening] . . . That was a good session. It is liberating to shout from a place of strength what I always wanted to say: “Stop pushing me around. Stop hurting me. Stop punishing me. Stop scapegoating me. I’m a human being with feelings—treat me like one. Stop mocking me for having feelings. Stop taunting, torturing, tormenting, terrorizing me.” . . . These words need to come out, to be expressed so I can be free, so I feel empowered enough to take better care of myself than I have been doing. The feeling in my whole body has shifted; the tension has decreased. I feel powerful again, renewed, refreshed—though with a somewhat raspy voice. That always fades in a day or two. . . . I no longer feel oppressed, repressed, suppressed—or depressed.

That is the path of healing, Mr. Neall. Freedom from guilt, shame and anger is your birthright. As is freedom from fear and worry. As is happiness.

Things are still looking tough financially and regarding transportation, with wobbling wheels, and I need to get to Union Bay for house-sitting for Monday morning. I’m asking for your guidance and support for the rest of this weekend, and for Monday morning, getting settled at the house.

Dear Mr. Neall: We will always do our best for you, to help bring you into love and light, into strength, confidence, fearlessness and an abundant, smooth-flowing life. We wish it for everyone, always.

I’m asking for your blessings tonight.

Oh, dear one, you have them—without hesitation. Please know and believe this. We have nothing more important to do. You are loved more than you know. You always will be. Claim it. Own it. Be it. Live it.

Thank you, dear one.

Blessings. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your eternal Higher Self.


November 21, 2012: A Step Above Restaurant, Second Floor, Quality Foods, Driftwood Mall, Cliffe Avenue, Courtenay, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, dear one.

What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today? I’m once more caught up in an exhausting situation, house-sitting an attention-seeking dog (the cat is not far behind in the attention-seeking department), a job that I committed to six months ago. This doesn’t bode well for my health, and I’m stumped for a response (the homeowner is in Australia for a month). I’m wanting to talk to a friend.

Dear Mr. Neall: Don’t give up. Think of your vision of last Saturday, during which you imagined yourself having returned to your old healing circle in Burnaby (facilitated by Gerry Lynch, spiritual channel for Jesus / Sananda), having made great progress: standing tall, back problems healed, being happy, radiating light from a smiling face. That’s where you’re heading, dear one—into love and light.

Meanwhile I’m exhausted, concerned again about losing strength in my legs, and the back pain—triggered by overstimulation from giving attention to the animals—remains a constant irritant.

Dear Mr. Neall: You’ve made a good decision to bring your issues to your Higher Self. We know nothing of lack . . . [yawning] . . . We are connected to a limitless source that is concerned with your happiness . . . [yawning] . . . We have nothing to do but give you the attention you have been craving all your life; to congratulate you on making the time for a visit at the human being filling station, where nourishment is the order of the day. . . . We cannot fail, Mr. Neall. Please remember that. Please know that knowing us is the most important part of your life, and that you are on the right track to develop this relationship with the eternal and the infinite.

How could I know you better today—in such a way that worries and fears begin to dissolve? . . . [yawning] . . .

Dear one: Think about love—starting with yourself. Give yourself the time you need away from the house today. Have one of your favourites—a Chinese food meal—from the good selection available here . . . [burping; yawning] . . . Consider a catharsis session in the car on the drive home [12 km] to let go of feelings of victimization—the sense that “other people are doing this to me.” Pray more. You know what it does for you—frees you up; relaxes you; energizes you. Do yoga / stretching: The body thrives on attention too. Talk to your friend in White Rock, as you have planned. Think about a holiday getaway idea for when you’re done house-sitting. Read over again the beautiful letter of acknowledgment you received today from a minister in Florida regarding your illustrated blog essay “Confessions of A Vancouver Cloud Watcher.” Book a Reiki healing session, as you’ve done.

There’s always a way . . .”

There is always a way, dear one. If you forget . . . if you think of us in no other way, think of us in this way: “We exist to remind you that there is always a way.”

That’s the Good News; the words of someone “in service.”

Indeed. In service to a Higher Calling . . . [tears; yawning] . . . The calling called “love and light”: . . . [yawning] . . . The light that never fails. “The light that shineth in the darkness.”

You’ve shone in the darkness today.

We are glad to be of help, Mr. Neall—“doing our job.”

Don’t quit.

We can’t—we’re eternal. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. Your “Quality” Higher Self.


November 27, 2012: House-sitting, Fifth Street, Union Bay.

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear Mr. Neall.

I am approaching crisis, unable to keep my lower back from tensing up. Living in this home this time around seems to be causing me huge health issues, and I feel I need to quit this house-sitting commitment and leave immediately . . . or is this a “learning situation”? Dear Higher Self, please communicate to help me find my way to feeling better very soon. I’ve become toxic: Union Bay, the neighbours here, the animals in it, all seem to have become an exhausting burden to me, within my two weeks here. What’s happening? Dear Higher Self, please enlighten me . . .

Dear Mr. Neall: Peace be with you. We will not abandon you in this situation, as you begin to recharge your batteries—just as you recharged your cell-phone’s batteries last night . . . you plugged it into a source of power and, once again, everything is working fine. . . .

. . . Let us be your source, Mr. Neall—of something besides suffering. Let us be your guide to happiness, just as the two men were that you heard on a YouTube video discussion last night [“Deepak Chopra: God and Buddha” with Robert Thurman <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vljyLoJfaes>]. There is a way out of suffering—that is the purpose of true religion or spirituality: to free you from your torments, your mental and physical pain, your doubts and uncertainties, your ignorance.

I want some happiness to arise out of my present situation. How can a seemingly innocuous activity such as spending a month caring for two pets in a pleasant, artistic, seaside home—a job that I’ve done six or seven times before—turn into a cause of such torment and uncertainty and health crisis that I barely understand? Again, please enlighten me.

Dear Neall: First of all: We love you—as a friend; as a fellow “student of love and light,” a seeker. Remember: There is no judgment on your situation . . . [yawning] . . . as you seek to ascertain the best course of action: the one that leads to the most happiness and peace of mind . . . [yawning] . . .

I believe this could be the “toxic (or negative) father complex” that “acts up” (more like “rears its ugly head”) every time I rise to another level of success—social, financial, “standing on my own two feet,” geographical (finding my own community [i.e., Campbell River]), artistic / career . . . [burping] . . . It’s the voice that says “You’re no good. You’ll never amount to anything. Nobody wants or likes you. You’ve got to do everything yourself; you can’t trust anyone. The world isn’t safe, and isn’t responsive to you.” . . . Perhaps this is the rejection my father encountered during the Great Depression [1930s], when for five years after graduating from high school he couldn’t find work . . . [tears] . . . [I stopped to light a fire in the airtight stove in the basement—as my father trekked early each winter morning down to the basement to fire up the wood-burning furnace to warm the home for his family. No options, but no lack of dignity or purpose either . . . [tears] . . .

. . . My mind is singing “Land of Hope and Glory.” . . . It seems there is no way past one’s own father—good and not so good—when seeking to grow up, or grow into the world.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, not. . . . Do you think God’s love left him out? . . . [tears] . . . [more tears] . . . Those images in your mind of your father kept you stuck in the past, Mr. Neall—and being stuck in the past is one of the greatest barriers to human happiness. You see that clearly now.

I do. . . . Stuck unable to love myself, or anyone else. . . . This is what’s called healing. . . . Please help me fill up with love and light now.

We do so gladly, Mr. Neall. As friend, mentor, guide, source of unconditional love, or anything else that can be of help today, or any other day. We never quit; the light never goes out here. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. Your friend, your Higher Self.


November 28, 2012: House-sitting, Fifth Street, Union Bay, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always with you, Mr. Neall.

What’s happening with all the stress? [I’m bailing out of the house-sitting commitment halfway through the month.] How did I get so ‘off course’ again? How can I return to love and light? To peace of mind? To hope for my health?

Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that we love you—as a friend; as one who judges you not. Know that we will never abandon you, even in your darkest hour. We are highly knowledgeable and, with patience, can help to restore balance . . . [tears; yawning; burping] . . . [yawning] . . .

What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today?

Dear Mr. Neall: Life is about change. You are being asked to change, in order to find peace in your heart and your body and mind; to find happiness—the path you have been working on for a long time and have a ways to go on yet: the path to find your own power: the ability to speak your truth as a spiritual being, as a teacher. We wish it were easier. When the truth has been suppressed for a long time it creates health problems. That’s what you are suffering from. . . . As Nelson Mandela has said: “Out greatest fear is not that we are powerless, but that we are powerful beyond measure.” [check] . . . Life is catching up to you—and it’s about time, wouldn’t you say?

I would. No more depression; rather expression.

Exactly . . .

Can you fill me in a little more on what the plan is that’s in operation here?

The plan is “empowered soul living on planet Earth” . . . [song in my mind: “The Rose.”]

I don’t want to go to sleep at night with the back pain and dreams of cancer. What do I need to know or do?

Stop living in the past. As you realized today, your Facebook “friends” are mostly acquaintances from your past in Vancouver, where things did not work out for you. Think of the new life you have here on the Island and who in it brings feelings of newness and excitement to your heart and soul. Contemplate those relationships, rather than past ones. Imagine yourself as you like to be: creative, empowered, happy, free, intelligent, balanced between your solitude and socializing, communicative, relaxed, standing tall rather than stooped.

I recognize all that you’re saying. . . . Will I ever have fun again?

You know how to have fun with your photos. Keep developing your physical strength to have more time with them. Pray to know God’s love in your heart and soul every day, just as you’ve been doing. We are not far away.

Thank you.


November 29, 2012: Quality Foods Cafeteria, Driftwood Mall, Cliffe Avenue, Courtenay, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall.

I’ve ended my house-sit commitment (a replacement showed up within 24 hours); stood up for my own needs; transformed my client’s initial response of shock and upset to complete understanding and support for my decision. A day of change. . . . How can I best begin to heal this state of exhaustion? Restore my health? Build the positive, creative life that has been denied me for decades? Move more into present time? . . . What’s the most important thing to know about transforming fate into destiny?

Dear Mr. Neall: As you are sensing while writing, the answer is to grow your capacity for love and empowerment. No more victimization; no more reactive raging; no more “Mr. Lone Wolf”—as symbolized by your new photos of the tame wolf at Campbell River Library surrounded by children eager to touch it being printed in the local newspaper, and you successfully negotiating permission from the wolf’s owner to display and sell them [see http://www.flickr.com/photos/neallcalvert/sets/72157632077540104/],. . . . Connecting to supportive and like-minded others as you begin your new, empowered life “north of 50” will serve you well [first Campbell River home successfully arranged]. . . . Continue asking for help through prayer and through this writing; continue making friends with your Higher Self, with your mind, with your body and with anyone who can love you unconditionally and who understands the necessity of personal growth, soul development, living in reality rather than illusion or depression, repression, suppression or oppression . . .

. . . Peace and happiness are available to everyone, Mr. Neall. Claim your share; claim your love, respect, creativity, talents and skills, caring, attention, hope, intelligence, perseverance, knowledge, wisdom, communication skills—everything . . . and pull yourself forward now.

Dear God: That is my prayer.

Let it be so. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


November 30, 2012: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall, participating in your Great Experiment, your Great Leap Forward.

Great Experiment indeed. After paying the security deposit on my first living space here, I’ve run out of money and it’s just the beginning of the month. Dear, dear Higher Self: Help me to believe in myself; help me to push back the darkness; help me open to abundance and the communication skills and energy levels necessary to expand my giving / receiving function.

We’re right here where we’ve always been, Mr. Neall: in the centre of your being, in your heart: the best giving / receiving organ in the universe.

I surrender to your wisdom. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight? The chronic pain in my lower back and the fatigue are taking up all my attention, making me think of my body, rather than my spirit, where the good things in life are: lightness, ease, creativity, fun, love, connectedness, flow.

Dear Mr. Neall: We will help you in any way we can to heal yourself and become more centred and happier, to take care of yourself body, mind and soul: home, finances, career, relationships, health. . . . This morning you repeated a Buddhist mantra for the duration of the drive from Courtenay to Campbell River [45 minutes]. That’s the kind of discipline it takes to change a fearful, negative or suffering mind. And the journey passed in nothing flat. You’ve driven that road many times and it was your best trip ever . . .

. . . Never quit, Mr. Neall. Never stop growing your soul. You will look back one day and thank yourself—that you developed a partnership with your Higher Self that changed your life for the better; that you solved the “problem of your life”: the problem of being a suffering soul in a body on planet Earth.

I accept this partnership—for my highest good. I am willing to be uplifted, inspired, reached out to and enlightened—today . . . [yawning] . . .

And we offer it unceasingly morning, noon and night, no matter the weather [rainstorms for the past two days here] . . . [yawning] . . . Believe it, Mr. Neall. Believe in the light, the right, an end to the fight. Believe in the awakened heart, the sine qua non, the Bodhisattva of Unlimited Mercy and Compassion, the Wise One, the One in All / All in One. S / he is with you now . . . [burping; yawning] . . .

I am grateful. Thank you and goodnight.

Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. Your Higher Self.


December 2, 2012: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are always with you, Mr. Neall.

I’m experiencing, through reading the Ohotto book again (it bears many re-readings), that I am mired in deep levels of victimization that preclude joy, happiness and having a functioning inner guidance system that will keep me moving out of the Fate of a shortened life through illness and into a Destiny of peace, contentment, health and happiness. . . . What’s the most important thing I need to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?

Dear Mr. Neall: You have found a powerful guide. Be grateful for him and his talents and for all those who help to uplift humanity. As it is said, “For the lack of a teacher a life is lost.” As Ohotto explains, making good choices day by day is essential to change. And then you realized that you could turn off the long, Sunday-afternoon radio news dialogue show (such as your [disempowered] father in his retirement endlessly listened to), and switched to a CD of beautiful, uplifting music. That’s one step in “a future unlike your pas”; in Destiny rather than Fate. As Ohotto explains, such choices need to be made over and over again. For those needing to change, the Good News can be found all around them.

I want all the Good News I can handle right now.

It’s available, Mr. Neall, freely and fully, as love and light. Forgive everyone; let go of your past; increase your disciplines; embrace change; remember your beautifully succinct dream of Australia: “Hope > Home > Perth”; never quit; never give up on yourself. We don’t know the word “quit.” We are eternal, and eternally available to all who seek. We are available as a “human being filling station”—to you and everyone else—simultaneously. . . . Think about that for a moment . . . [yawning] . . .

There is nothing more that I need. . . . I am being filled up . . . [yawning] . . . The youthful, spiritual Ohotto is here with me!

He did promise [at the end of his book] to hold your hand . . .

A powerful man . . .

One of the best.

I feel the need for a stronger vision: something more clearly pulling me forward. I have “fun with photography” and this writing. I had a vision three years ago: “Peaceful and happy at 72” (six years left to go). I’m looking for some kind of spiritual context, with others, I believe, even if I don’t see them often: others who know the path I am walking: the necessary path of soul recovery / development.

You have a home, Mr. Neall, owned by like-minded others. Acknowledge your progress. You will be warm and dry this winter—through your own efforts. The plan is working: Neall has developed survival skills.

Good to be reminded. This is a big deal for me. I have only two more nights out in the van, which is also warm and dry (sort of), but not so spacious or comfortable.

There is no judgment on your lifestyle, Mr. Neall. Now you understand more about those homeless people in Vancouver that you used to see pushing a shopping cart holding all their possessions, and think: “That guy, without anything, seems more aware and alive than I am.”

Thank you.

You are welcome. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall—forever. Your Higher Self.


December 7, 2012: McDonald’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always with you, Mr. Neall; always part of you.

Glad to hear it. . . . I’m learning from Deepak Chopra these days, watching videos on YouTube. Here is a man well-acquainted with the God of wisdom and happiness—a genius who can speak extemporaneously for an hour on seemingly any aspect of personal growth, mind / body medicine or spirituality, encompassing Christianity, Buddhism, Vedanta or Islam—combined with the latest scientific research, the history of the universe, the minute details of quantum physics or the life of Einstein. . . . It turns out to be a pleasant 1.5-mile walk (on a sunny day like today) from my new home to downtown Campbell River. After my writing I’ll walk back. It’s taking a while to get used to being “located somewhere,” after months of travelling and camping. It’s a relief. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today?

Dear Mr. Neall: Don’t stop studying and seeking, finding teachers who inspire you. Upliftment and inspiration are what will help move you forward now, into the future unlike your past, into love and light, into wisdom and peace. Patience, dear one, as you change your consciousness out of victimization through discipline and “working at it”: yoga / stretching, walking, Higher Self dialogue, prayer, study, relaxation / contemplation, listening to music, catharsis, self-love.

This has become my life now—rather than thoughts of “going to the office.” It’s a happier life—today, anyway.

We will never stop being available for the learning of happiness, Mr. Neall.

That’s one thing I definitely like about you: your “unquittability.” I can call on you at any time. That’s one of the qualities I want in friendship. My friend the creative writing teacher and inspirational writer never quits writing and studying wholeness / holiness; never quits expanding her soul. . . . What else could I know about my health / healing / recovery today?

Dear Mr. Neall: . . . [yawning] . . . Good to have you in a better mood today than the past few. Just as this change was possible, so are other changes and forward movement off “the plateau of stuckness.”

I will appreciate that change.

We’ll be with you for it. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


December 10, 2012: Home, Lonsdale Crescent, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here for this wish, Mr. Neall.

Well . . . this is big crisis: Fate vs. Destiny. Will I make it through this? Find a new strength or figure of power within myself . . . a centre of well-being and wholeness? It doesn’t seem possible. I’ve been exhausted for too long; had to withdraw from the world; still my health hasn’t been restored. Perhaps the situation is exactly as a Buddhist teacher told a student monk in Thailand in material I was reading today [an Ajahn Brahm story]: “You’re either going to die or you’re not.” . . . This morning I dreamed of a tall, healthy Oriental man who shook my hand in greeting, but remained silent. I have felt at times that only a complete break (departure) from the West and its Christian-based philosophies will address my soul’s needs for healing after my experience with Christianity in my family of origin. . . . What, dear one, given what I’ve said here, is the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today? What is the “new path,” the “new way”?

Dear Mr. Neall: First of all: We are with you—the universe was not built without a force for compassion. Feel it; claim it; own it; know the truth . . . [burping] . . . Second: As soon as you get mobile, do a catharsis in your van to deal with feelings of powerlessness that have built up again, the symptoms of which are the tension in your stomach area [third chakra: power centre] and pain in your upper back and shoulders. . . . Remember, the ‘keys to the kingdom’ are love and empowerment. And the kingdom is coming closer as 2012 completes its cycle. The “old stuff” needs to be cleaned out. “No baggage on this trip.”

That’s helpful.

It’s our ‘job’ to be helpful for you. We’re your Higher Power.

How soon I forget. . . . What else could I know that would help raise my spirits and nourish me today?

Love Can Build A Bridge.” Connect yourself to like-minded others. Empowerment first, then love, so you don’t get overwhelmed.

I’m understanding these days that I haven’t felt real since childhood; haven’t stood up for myself in the world. Felt oppressed, repressed, suppressed and depressed. I missed out on a lot. I’m truly in “unfamiliar territory” with my spacious home full of thriving green plants and lots of books. What can I do to relax more, perhaps “enjoy the ride”?

Talk to your Higher Self. . . . Sort out your priorities, plans, health needs, dream of Australia, finances, connections, vision of peace and happiness. . . . Love yourself. Ask yourself: “What would love do?” That will help avoid the creation of new problems.

Thank you. Feels like nap time.


December 12, 2012: Home, Lonsdale Crescent, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self—my Higher Power.

We are here, Mr. Neall.

I feel a long way from my spirit. My body and its pains have taken over my life; peace of mind is gone, and God is nowhere to be found. When I talk to my friend, M.D., I “see” her spirit; I see that she is living a spiritual, mostly happy life—and that I am not (though I am grateful for my peaceful, plant-filled home). Where is love and light today? Where is hope? Where is healing? Where is my support system? How can I find my heart?

Dear Mr. Neall: . . . [tears and burping] . . . We are as close as your breath; we never leave you. We don’t want to leave, and we can’t leave you: we are you—your breath, your brain, your backbone. Let us fill you, nourish you with unconditional love—you need do nothing to receive this. You are worthy just as you are. It is friendship. Therein lies hope for you—seen, recognized, known—and loved . . . [tears] . . . Try to see past your own fears today, Mr. Neall—beyond self-punishment, beyond the “worthless piece of shit” scenario that lies seemingly branded on your soul, on your nervous system. . . . Remember how big God is: bigger than all the beautiful mountains of Lillooet, British Columbia—all the mountains of the world—much bigger. Infinite. Eternal. A Master Intelligence.

Can this master intelligence infiltrate and neutralize the deep levels of my self-negation? Restore my nerves? Illuminate my path?

As you know already, your path is being illuminated. You are seeing yourself clearly now: ‘the unlived life’—and the reasons behind it. . . .The master intelligence, as a force of love and compassion, can indeed reach every nook and cranny of your being: greater than the craziness, the dysfunctions, the grief, the mental instability, the poverty thinking, the ‘homelessness.’

That would be the kind of partnership I am seeking.

It is here: love and light—in a package custom-designed for you that speaks your language. It is a part of you. Know it; believe it; be it. It’s bigger than all your problems—believe that too. That’s the one you have most trouble with: bigger than your problems. . . . We are with you, Mr. Neall, and we are bigger than your problems. Period.

Yes, that is hard to believe today, a day in which my problems seem insurmountable. What do I need to do, to know, to keep you front and centre in my life?

Keep up this dialogue, this discipline. Try to have fun. Study your spiritual teachers on the Internet. Manage your finances as best you can. Get more support in the here and now. Stay creative. Become fearless and empowered.

Thank you. Please don’t ever leave me.

We can’t, Mr. Neall—we are part of you: the part of you known as your Higher Self. . . . Vaya con Dios, partner—forever.


December 14, 2012: Home, Lonsdale Crescent, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall. Carry on.

As you know, I’ve pretty much lost all faith here. Nothing is going to pull me out of this black hole of self-negation, this self-pitying “I’m dying,” “fuck you, I’m out of here” cowardly behaviour. I need to depend on your mercy and compassion and wisdom and master intelligence at this point. What can I do? Thankfully you are part of me and we are in a partnership here, one with considerable shared experience at this point.

Yes, we are, Mr. Neall. We have a relationship of trust—not something you knew much about the first half of your life. Congratulations on having broken the old spell; on reaching for something better. . . . You know from this experience that we are always with you; always available; always caring; only uplifting—just like your new Internet spiritual friend Ajahn Brahm, the British scientist who became a Buddhist monk in Thailand and now is respected in the many countries where he travels to teach [from a home base in Perth, Western Australia].

. . . One of the kindest, most open-hearted teachers I have ever come across, who speaks effortlessly out of the emptiness and stillness within him. . . . I’m getting tired, so will shut this down for the night [2:00 a.m.]


December 15, 2012: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my friend, my Higher Self.

Always with you, Mr. Neall.

My internal feedback system has given me a message: take a holiday. It came via a “wrong number” phone call—someone in Hawaii trying to reach California ending up talking to me on Vancouver Island. Two holiday destinations in one message. . . . This will be an interesting challenge for my creative nature, which has in the past week manifested an abundance of new images in the series I call “Raining Glory: Campbell River by Night” [http://www.flickr.com/photos/neallcalvert/sets/72157632002364751/] . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight? How can I truly find the peace of mind of the Christmas carol playing in my head a few minutes ago, “. . . sleep in heavenly peace”?

Dear Mr. Neall: Love is the way—love in your mind and heart and soul. And faith in your Higher Self—connected to the Great Intelligence of the Universe that dwells also in your heart. . . . Don’t quit, Mr. Neall. Don’t stop seeking to transform yourself; to love yourself and others; to be your own best friend; to get more connected; to feel more abundant, more spiritual / lighter; to have more fun. Don’t quit on your talents and skills, Mr. Neall; don’t quit on your friends or on your heart, wherein resides the courage and compassion that make life worthwhile . . .

. . . Use all of your multifaceted guidance system to bring you peace and happiness (and holidays). Remember, we are only here to help—there is nothing else that we do. We are spiritual teachers with vast resources. Use us for all you’re worth. Use us to find the shining jewel within you—the diamond, created through heat and pressure; the empowered soul being; the man with a heart. He’s there, as you know: the man of light; the man of joy; the man of talent; the man on a path—the path of love and light.

That’s me.

Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. Your Christmas Higher Self.


December 20, 2012: Home, Lonsdale Crescent, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always ready to be with you, Mr. Neall.

What is the most important thing to know about building my health today? The stress in my lower back is nearly intolerable and it seems to have sunk so deep that it won’t release ever; I start to believe I won’t ever be able to feel good again, to know the happiness and peace that are my goal. Where is the resurrection for me? How could I avoid tragedy and connect with such a force . . . today? O great, grand intelligence—friend, mentor, compañionero, beloved God of my own heart, show me the way. I will listen.

Dear Mr. Neall: You are loved. Period. The resurrection happens through love. Upliftment happens through love; through a changed mind: a mind free of the past; a mind full of hope and forgiveness; a mind free of illusions and complexes, free from hatred, anger and resentments / thoughts of revenge.

That would be called “the mind of God”?

That would be called “a mind full of peace and kindness”; a non-reactive mind; a “mind of light”; a mind able to uplift others, able to experience joy as well as pain and suffering.

What are the steps from here to there?

You are at it. This is the way to change your life: integrating the vast, unlimited, eternal energies and ideas of your Higher Self.

When my body is in too much pain, it takes up all my attention and I feel unable to connect with my spirit, with “love and light.” It seems a great loss. That is a definition of tragedy right there: loss of spiritual connection. I felt close to happiness a few times in the past few weeks: dancing to Indian music; listening to Ajahn Bran speaking on videos on YouTube. How do I actually get to know the “God of Happiness”? Believe in it? Live it? Live free from guilt and shame . . . free from the self-punishment that has infiltrated my soul? Free from my soul’s “sickness unto death”? . . .

. . . (In Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard’s 1849 book The Sickness Unto Death it is not physical death but spiritual death he is talking about. Spiritual death is what is to be feared. It has another name: despair. “To not be in despair is to have reconciled the finite with the infinite, to exist in awareness of one’s own self and of God. Specifically, Kierkegaard defines the opposite of despair as faith.” [<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sickness_Unto_Death>. Accessed on this date] . . . So it is my faith that is being severely tested right now. . . .

You’ve got it, Pontiac . . . [yawning] . . .

Faith, as in “Following An Ideal That Heals” . . .

Yes.

. . . And what will heal my deep-seated despair is to “reconcile the finite with the infinite,” in Kierkegaard’s words.

Again, yes.

And this dialogue is exactly that—a reconciliation of the finite with the infinite. . . . This despair, this unhappiness goes back a long way, it seems to me. Even more reason to learn to rejoice—as I did after a session at the Healing Rooms Christian Ministry in Campbell River today. It put a smile on my face for several hours. I want more of that—and less tragedy. Please guide me. I am ready to surrender. I will learn to rejoice—to be happy—because my saviour, my Higher Self—the Divine—is with me—morning, noon and night.

You’ve got a good plan, Mr. Neall. Don’t stop. Don’t stop seeking, learning and growing. Don’t stop reaching for eternity. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self, eternal spirit.


December 25, 2012: Home, Lonsdale Crescent, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear Mr. Neall, always awake—Christmas Day too.

I want to connect; to experience more love and light, freedom from fear and worry, hope for my health and feelings of abundance—‘less past and more future,’ dear one.

Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that we are always with you; that we wish for you happiness beyond your wildest present imaginings; and peace—including relaxation and a smile on your face. Please be reminded that it is “no effort” for us, that we are always available and that “love and light” is all we do. We are never in fear, anxious or worried. We are “the light that never goes out.” We know our job, and have all the resources necessary for it. There is “nothing missing” in us. We are everywhere and in you, simultaneously, as a force of mercy and compassion, strength and flexibility, empowerment and love, intelligence and simplicity, wisdom and peace, humour and harmony, laughter and conviviality. Why be in only one mood—seriousness—all the time?

Probably because I’m scared. Any other mood brings up back spasms and other “dire consequences.” . . . Writing that makes me think that that is the past speaking. There were “dire consequences” in the past; there wouldn’t be any now. I am free—except for the “mind-forged manacles” keeping fear and other negativity in place.

Exactly . . . as we explained in your previous session, which bears re-reading many times. . . . The upliftment you seek comes through love and light, which is always available through your source, which you are contacting now. It is “the source of a changed mind,” of renewal, of “the waters of life”—like a brook in a mountain meadow rippling and splashing its way down the slope; or a mature river, calmly but assuredly making its way to the ocean; the source of an expanded mind—one able to encompass great ideas, fresh ideas, alternative paths, new types of relationships, fearlessness—and thus hope . . . [burping] . . .

Thank you. You’ve come through for me again.

We always will, Mr. Neall. That’s what forever means. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


January 2, 2013: Home, Lonsdale Crescent, Campbell River, British Columbia [3:45 a.m.]

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall, always close by.

Reliable friend: What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery at this hour of the morning? I’ve used the Buddhist tonglen breathing technique for probably an hour in bed to move through back pain, and was able to move the stuck energy and bring my mind to a better state.

Dear Mr. Neall: We are glad to be with you again and to be of help in any way we can. Please know that you are never alone, and that this communication requires no effort on our part, and no guilt on your part. It’s just “forever friends”, engaged in a dialogue . . . [burping and yawning] . . .

How could I strengthen my end of the dialogue? Become more strongly connected to “The Path of the Rose” (the name that was given to me a few days ago while in an intense EFT self-session)? I thought at first that this path symbolized Mother Mary, but Internet research reveals Jesus is called the “Rose of Sharon—the Lily of the Valley” (from the book of Solomon). The rose is a symbol of that which is undying . . .

. . . In September I found a beautiful reddish-pink rose with one bloom and two budson the sidewalk in Campbell River—first time that had ever occurred. So something good is happening here: I’m on a path—at long last. And now I have had a powerful meeting with a couple from the Healing Rooms ministry, with decades of experience in abuse recovery and spiritual study. . . . So now things can change. I can grow out of the isolation patterns of lifetimes; heal my “orphan spirit”; become happier. . . . There is a plan at work here.

You bet there is. A plan for the saving of your soul, for your healing—body, mind and spirit.

I’ve “been away,” it would seem—for the past twenty years or so.

You are always welcome in this “community of the heart,” Mr. Neall—always. Keep moving forward now. Yesterday morning you woke up dreaming you had won a new red Corvette in a lottery. Didn’t that feel good!

Indeed, it’s good to feel like a winner. Whatever your hand in this, I am grateful. I keep forgetting that it is your self-chosen “job” to uplift; to bring hope; to nurture well-being and happiness; to shine a light in the darkness; to be a nonjudgmental source of spiritual sustenance.

You are getting to know us. That is good (for you). Whenever you forget, take the time to reconnect: through prayer or this writing. We can’t be stopped. It’s a light that can’t be turned off. Nurture your soul here—forever and ever. Guaranteed: infinite life; peace and happiness.

Thank you.

Vaya con Dios. Your (early morning) Higher Self.


January 4, 2013: A & W Restaurant, Discovery Harbour Shopping Centre, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall: teachers of love and light.

I wish to feel happier, more hopeful, today. The dull, nagging pain in my lower back brings my spirits down. I also wish to feel hopeful regarding finances for this month. What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery?

Dear Neall: You are connecting with the infinitely wise part of yourself, which has nothing else to do than be helpful when asked, and for whom it requires no effort. Plugging-in here recharges your spirit—just like what happens when you plug-in an electric vehicle . . . [sleepiness] . . .

This morning, despite feeling tired, I was singing and dancing to ABBA and continued my vocal toning exercises begun again a few days ago—a good sign. I’ve been listening to sublime virtuoso guitar music on the Internet (Ana Vidovic) as well as Buddhist teachers including Robert Thurman—one of the most knowledgeable yet easy-to-understand teachers I have encountered. He’s a gift to the world. Two days ago I solved my vehicle’s “wobbling” problems at a local tire shop—effortlessly and at no cost. My faith returns when such things occur. My mind was humming Pachelbel’s “Canon in D” a short while ago—my guidance system telling me that peace is at hand.

Your disciplines have an effect, Mr. Neall. Living one day at a time, first-thing morning prayers, exercise and stretching (making friends with your body), EFT self-sessions, singing practice, this writing—they’re all part of a life “on purpose”; a life of being pulled forward; an endlessly creative life; a hopeful life; a heartful life. . . . Don’t quit, Mr. Neall. Don’t stop developing your inner peace, your love and empowerment. We’ll never stop helping to bring about happiness—just as the Buddha (“the awakened one”) taught. . . . Your researches are paying off; you are encountering empowered, knowledgeable people with the skill of teaching. Gradually you are learning the language of happiness—just as you asked for in your poem of many years ago [“Land of Hope”].

Deepak Chopra, Oprah Winfrey, Gregg Braden, Robert Thurman, Ajahn Brahm—all are bringing hope to my developing soul, which often feels fragile and close to overwhelm. I’m sure I will find others as well. Then there are the comedians like Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert, as I watched last night. . . . After their very successful one-day fun event, “Rally to Restore Sanity and / or Fear,” in Washington, D.C. in 2010 (200,000 attended), Stewart declared to the media, “I just want to go home and hug my kids.” . . . There it is again, what I’m seeking in a nutshell: love.

You know what you want, Mr. Neall. Love is the answer to the unasked question . . . [yawning] . . .

I’m yawning—waking up to love.

There is no better activity to be involved in, friend. Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self. “Your forever friend at Hamburger Heaven” [I indulged in the “Two for $7 Teenburger Special” (skipped the cheese, though)].


January 15, 2013: Home, Lonsdale Crescent, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall, always available.

Higher Self, it’s been too long—ten days. I wonder what my resistance to contacting you is—as if I don’t want to feel good, safe, supported, sufficient, uplifted, inspired, et cetera. It must be that I lack faith—as I discovered again yesterday during a session with an experienced healing couple from Healing Rooms Christian Ministry. And trust. As we’ve talked about earlier, when it comes to parental figures I always think I am going to be mistreated or abandoned. On top of that, I don’t think I am worthy and deserving of being loved—so that pretty much leaves me being alone. . . . I’m asking for help from my “forever friend,” the one who never leaves me. I am willing to overcome these deep, old patterns; willing to learn a new way; willing to surrender to love and light, to more happiness and more confidence, to being uplifted and inspired more of the time.

Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that you are loved—endlessly and unconditionally; that there is nothing you need to “save” us from [by staying away]—we give effortlessly and gladly, and we always will. There is nothing else that we do. When you believe this to be a truth about the universe your life will change immensely.

What can I do to bring this about more quickly; to accelerate the process of “feeling good” / relaxed / healthy / hopeful / helpful . . . and yes, humorous?

You’re doing it—as we’ve mentioned previously . . . [burping] . . . This dialogue—as you relearn whenever you reread it—is your path to the life you seek. There is nothing hidden or arcane in it; no ages-old writings that can be mistranslated or misinterpreted; no political agendas at work or axes being ground; no personality clashes or psychological complexes or filters to try to discern through. Just the truth: (1) There is no judgment on your life. (2) God loves you just the way you are. (3) God is love and light. . . . You’ve earned this wisdom, Mr. Neall. You have sought and you have found. Claim it as your Good; as the Good News. . . . Trust that this is the case; that Good News fills the universe and lives in the human heart—simultaneously . . . and will do so forever.

So I can relax, “let go and let God” as they say, stop needing to be hypervigilant; feel safe and secure . . . and thus happier?

That’s the plan, Pontiac. Will it work for you?

Better than the alternative—a state of chronic misery that I know too well . . . [burping and yawning] . . . I’ll “take a chance” here that you know better than I do on this issue. I guess that’s called trust—as in “trust in a Higher Power.”

We cannot fail, Mr. Neall (as we’ve said before). We know nothing on the subject of failure. Not worth reading about or talking about. . . .Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self. Be blessed in your new town and new connections . . . always.


January 23, 2013: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall, always close.

I noticed I’m going into a worry state, so instead I will dialogue with my Higher Self. I’m worried—now that I’m no longer living “in hiding” (victimized), oppressed, repressed, suppressed and depressed—that I will say the wrong thing, act inappropriately, provide evidence to others that I am imbalanced. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today?

Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that we are with you. Not only that: We like to be with you. Unconditional love, remember? You are worthy and deserving of it. . . . As you heal your past, you (no longer a victim) will become someone that you don’t recognize. It will be important to maintain your balance through meditation, prayer, exercise, toning, singing, this writing, nature time, holidays and so on. As you proceed further into being a representative of love and light; as your painful past disappears; as your happiness and peace and empowerment grow, you will have a smile on your face more often. The air will smell fresher as your nose and sinuses heal. Being with people will seem normal again. Get ready for it. Get ready to like yourself more than you ever have for lifetimes . . .

. . . That’s the fruit of spiritual growth, of effort and discipline, inquiry, study and contemplation, of forgiveness (of self and others), of developing courage and compassion (an awakened heart). That’s the fruit of a relationship with the master known as Jesus, with whom you have been seeking a renewed, revitalizing relationship for the past month [counselling with a mature Christian couple; reading books like Deepak Chopra’s Jesus: A Story of Enlightenment; Barbara Thiering’s Jesus and Riddle of the Dead Sea Scrolls, Elizabeth Clare Prophet’s The Lost Years of Jesus]. Know that it is happening, dear one. Know that you are loved beyond measure; that your ‘sins’ are being forgiven, your lifetimes of burdens being lifted, your worries being dissolved. . . . And for all of it—for these promises of spiritual life, for this upliftment, available to everyone, Mr. Neall—we are there . . . all of it—forever. . . . Remember, as we sign off, that this dialogue is available at all times, and always will be. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your forever-loving Higher Self.


January 29, 2013: Lee’s Famous Recipe Chicken, Brant Road, Quinsam Crossing, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall—always

I’m tired but close to love and light, it seems. The back seems unmanageable, legs are weak, yet I feel close to love. And I’m willing to do my disciplines. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today?

Dear Mr. Neall: You are celebrating your new income level by dining out [received a housing supplement of $125 per month]. Good for you—keeping the inner child happy [who loves good food, but not always the cooking of it]. Self-care, Mr. Neall, is an essential part of your program.

I can ‘read the signs’ most the time to know when I’m tired of cooking. Pleased about that. . . . How else can I rebuild my health . . . build ‘a future unlike my past’ . . . connect with others despite the fatigue?

Dear Mr. Neall: You can connect with us at any time, at the ‘human being filling station.’ When you are filled up, then you know what to do: move forward, rest, create, be social or solitary, make plans, et cetera. Do what is easy, fun, light and effortless and brings a smile. Do what enhances your dream of the Good Life, free from guilt or shame.

And you are always with me . . . ?

You got it, Mr. Neall: We never go away. We are eternal and infinite and always available. This is all we do—help to uplift humanity, night and day, year after year (though we’re not counting). . . . We are partners in transformation—just like Jesus; teachers of love and light, of freedom from fear and worry, of holistic living—from an unlimited source.

I am grateful. Thank you. Please keep teaching me and guiding me. You are what I’ve been looking for.

Vaya con Dios, friend. Be love and be loved. . . . Your Higher Self.


January 31, 2013: McDonald’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self, source of love and light.

We are with you, beloved Mr. Neall.

I’d like to put a couple of good days together, dear one—days without back spasms. I’d like to feel some progress, but it’s “one step forward and one back” . . . or is it that I don’t recognize the progress: stable home, extra income, stable transportation, a feeling of lightening up, friends who remember me, keyboard out of storage and set up in my home for musical enjoyment, good books to grow with on Jesus and Mary Magdalene . . . and visited an art opening tonight, introduced myself and my art to the featured artist. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?

Dear Mr. Neall: Stay the course, dear one. Everything you say is true and good. You are growing in love and light—“doing the work”; finding your new path; toning / singing every day for weeks now; communicating with your long-lost younger brother; standing up to “friends” who treated you badly in the past; seeking an updated, more mature relationship with Jesus Christ . . . All good.

And you are with me, to keep it going . . .

You know it, Mr. Neall. Always . . . in all ways.

Thank you.


February 11, 2013: A & W Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always with you, Mr. Neall—unconditionally.

I am out of sorts today, unsure about anything after a dynamic meeting with my life coach four days ago and an energetic few following days. It’s exciting to spend an hour with someone who advertises “love, hugs and laughter” and actually delivers [J.B. is a New Thought minister: spiritual director of Campbell River Centre for Spiritual Living]. I have “the usual” money woes, and beginnings of worry around where my next home will be (probably in April). And I’m still alone too much, but attended a “spiritual cinema evening” on the weekend. . . . In this transition into spiritual life I hardly recognize myself any more, so socializing seems awkward; my new strength hasn’t completely arrived. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today?

Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that we are with you, and that we will never leave. Taking time for this dialogue can produce results for you. Know that self-criticism, self-punishment and comparing yourself to others (especially extraverts) can wreak havoc on your self-esteem . . . another step in your learning as you move forward out of depression and self-loathing. You don’t have a chance for a Good Life when you’re in that mindset.

Thank you for that awareness . . .

Doing our job, Mr. Neall: Keeping you in the Good Life: in partnership with your Higher Self . . . [yawning] . . . where there is freedom from fear and worry, from difficulties of every kind . . . [yawning] . . .

I had forgotten once again . . . forgotten that I am in a partnership—for eternity—with an always-available source of wisdom and love and nurturing; with a ‘human being filling station’ . . . [yawning] . . . The questions of the moment appear to be: “How can I become more social?” and “How can I know my path more clearly?” Dear one: Thank you for guiding me regarding these questions today.

Dear Mr. Neall: You forgot one question and that is: “How can I love myself more?” For that is the essential question—especially for survivors of abuse and broken families. . . . Treat yourself well, Mr. Neall—and then treat others as you like to be treated. Keep up your disciplines so you stay “in the zone”; in the love and light; in the “sweet spot” where there is energy and fearlessness and flow . . . so you stay connected. We love to be connected with you—just as your “love, hugs and laughter” life coach does. Recall that she said on Thursday that she had been wondering how you were doing.

That’s how I want to live—knowing that I am in more people’s thoughts more often: remembered.

It’s possible, dear Mr. Neall. Stay “turned on and tuned in” to our channel.

Love is available . . .

It is, and we wish nothing more than to bestow it upon you day and night and to have you receive it.

I accept—to the fullest extent possible.

Then, as Leonard Cohen sings, “I ’ m y o u r m a n.”

More humour . . . please . . .

We never quit, Mr. Neall. You do the same. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


February 12, 2013: Wendy’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

No problemo, Mr. Neall.

Dear Higher Self: What happened last night? I went to bed feeling pretty good about my day. Several hours later I woke up with my mind telling me I’m dealing with cancer in various parts of my body. I did tonglen deep breathing for several hours and changed my mental state for the better, and got some sleep. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today?

Dear Mr. Neall: Good that you have the tonglen breathing technique in your repertoire. Being able to change out of any problematic mental state is a skill you have developed, and one you will be able to teach others, when you begin to teach. You know well its power. . . . The level of health of the body is a direct result of the health of the mind, Mr. Neall. When you change your mental imagery, you change your whole being, including your body. Feel the strength you are experiencing today—freedom from fear and worry; empowered and assertive. Two hours of focused deep breathing created that.

What else could I know to become more balanced today? . . . [yawning] . . .

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind.” . . . Remember: Love dissolves problems and fears or doesn’t create them in the first place. Imagine that state for yourself. You’ve experienced it already a few times recently: energized, empowered, free from fear and worry, free from your past, full of light and love. . . . Don’t quit, Mr. Neall. Don’t give up. As Crosby, Stills and Nash sing so harmoniously (as you heard on the radio the other day): “C-a-r-r-y on, l-o-v-e is coming. L-o-v-e is coming to us all [“Carry On”]. . . . You see now how there is no room for laziness in the kingdom. It’s “get busy or suffer.” . . . [passing of gas] . . . .

No kidding. . . . Thank you, dear one. You are a treasure.

Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. Be blessed. Your Higher Self, your best friend.


February 13, 2013: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Right with you, Immortal Beloved.

Thank you for that. My dreams during my nap today told me that my health situation is much better than I thought. I will continue with my high-powered nutrition (basically, Paleo diet: 80 percent fruit and vegetables), toning, prayers, exercise and efforts to socialize and create a market for my photographs. Today I watched a heart-warming video of two aging former circus elephants, reunited after twenty-two years at a Tennessee elephant refuge, who then became inseparable companions. I need to keep finding the good in the world; avoid cynicism. Thank you for any help you can provide with that. . . . What’s the most important thing I need to know about love and light, about my health / healing / recovery tonight?

Dear Mr. Neall: Congratulations on your dedication to your growth; on your discipline for this writing; on finding a way to access your heart today; on developing a “one day at a time” philosophy; on progress with your artwork [fine-tuning the quality of my images; creating a CD of the best ones to show others]. . . . The path of love and light is not easy sometimes. But, as you know, a path that is meaningful to you is developing, as you are discovering while attempting to communicate with your (newly heard from) younger brother. Art, music, literature and spirituality do indeed provide meaning to life (as you wrote today); provide access to soul expansion, and that is the reason you are here (by your choice). . . . Never forget this, Mr. Neall. . . . We are glad to teach this; to enlighten; to provide answers and awareness. And we sing again with you the C, S & N song “Carry On”: “C-a-r-r-y on, l-o-v-e is coming. L-o-v-e is coming to us all.” . . . Vaya con Dios. Your friend. Your Higher Self.


February 18, 2013: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear one.

You seem closer these days. It’s as if some barrier has been removed. Whatever it is, I am glad for it. . . . I seem to be finding an opening, from listening to / watching Ajahn Brahm videos online. I see the lack of stillness in my own mind and the presence of it in the minds of Buddhist teachers. The good news is that it seems to be transferable during a dharma talk. I get it by osmosis. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today?

Dear Mr. Neall: Being in the presence of high-minded people as they espouse spiritual wisdom is a recommended activity: you do get their happy, peaceful state of mind eventually. The “encounter with greatness” you are seeking, through Jesus or an enlightened Buddhist master, in order to transform your mind and your life, is getting closer. The more you see what is possible, what others have done, the more you see possibilities for you. . . . Don’t quit, Mr. Neall. We will never abandon you—only encourage and uplift, nurture and nudge. . . . Vaya con Dios, dear one. Your Higher Self, your coffee break today.


February 22, 2013: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear one, never far away.

Latest wrinkle in living in a house: unexpected hydro bill of $500 instead of $200 for the previous two-month period. . . .I made excellent progress today with getting males into my life, through the Finding Freedom recovery group at the Vineyard Christian church. Also, sent out photographs of the tall communications tower on Dogwood Street that I took when I walked by in the expansive evening light. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery program tonight? What would best serve my growth?

Dear Mr. Neall: Blessings to you on your courage and perseverance. As we’ve said many times: Don’t quit; don’t look back. Love and light (and peace and connection and wellness and feeling good) are what you’re after. Nurture your growth. Be grateful for all those who help you in any way. Pray lots for compassion and forgiveness. Live one day at a time. Develop a healthy partnership with your body (fresh air / exercise) and your spirit (this writing / watching Ajahn Brahm talks / listening to or reading the Kryon material online). . . . You are “becoming the kind of person you always knew you could be.” We can only stand and applaud. Congratulations, dear one. Take the time you need to regroup—as you did after the intense Finding Freedom group today with two hours in the welcome winter sunshine, including a restful nap in your van and a long walk. . . . Remember: We will never let you down or abandon you; we are always available. “We never close”—just like Timmy Ho’s restaurants. That’s the security you want, isn’t it?

That’s why I asked, at each successive restaurant I visited, “What time do you close?” and then received the answer I was seeking: “We’re open all night.”

Indeed . . . and then you felt “in the right place.” . . . You’re in the right place with us, Mr. Neall. It’s called “love and light”: eternity partnership: forever friendship: soul recovery: peace and happiness. We will never ever quit on you, never abandon you and we never close. That’s our guarantee; our promise: the peace that passes understanding; . . . [yawning] . . . the freedom you seek.

You are the answer to my seeking; the light at the end of my long, dark tunnel; my ‘human being filling station’ . . . my miracle.

. . . And much more. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. Go with the God of love and light forever.


February 24, 2013: Home, Lonsdale Crescent, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall: the Infinite. “Before Abraham was, I am” . . . et cetera.

A crisis is brewing regarding my home and I want to avoid it. I will speak to my landlord’s agent this evening regarding the surprise hydro bill of $511. There are signs in my life that I could be sleeping in my van again, so I’m wanting to turn my thinking around on this issue as soon as possible. Thank you for helping out here: guide me to my highest and best good.

Dear Mr. Neall: Know that we love you, as do others like your minister, J.B. Know that the eternal forces of love and light never fade, never fail. They dwell in your heart; and when you keep your heart open in situations like this, you are the one who comes out the winner . . . which is very good, correct? You only like your sports team when they’re winning—because that is what you want to learn. ‘Winning’ is the language of the awakened heart, without a doubt.

I’m descending into hopelessness and despair—plus there’s my younger brother to learn to communicate with right now, who has reached out to me from a state of tragedy. I want to ‘change the script’ here. . . . At the spiritual centre my mentor directs, this (Sunday) morning I experienced moments of laughter and happiness. Then I ‘lower the boom’ on myself again with the internalized voice of my father, in one of his violent rages, shouting: “How dare you be happy when I am so miserable?” What a wretch he was oftentimes, and I have become one too at times. . . .What’s the way out, dear one?

The way out is love: first yourself, then others—as a ‘first priority.’ . . . Do whatever it takes to feel good, to not be in a reactive state of mind—as you just did with an invigorating three-mile walk through wind and rain. The weather was nothing, right?

Indeed. I prayed and growled and walked steadily, and now I am more peaceful; I feel more in charge.

And you feel determined to do whatever it takes to not feel so hopeless around domestic matters again—including making a point of seeing your mentors and others who care about you more often.

Yes. Perhaps that is the lesson here. Once again, I have to ‘grow up’—to grow. This is pretty tough sledding, dear one.

And we are with you for it—as we have promised, Mr. Neall: “Always and in all ways.” Comprenez?

. . . God as brother / sister / mother / father / compañionero / forever friend? . . .

. . . And more . . .

And this is the best way to contact you?

What do you think? You know about ‘creating results.’

My ‘adult self’ knows this is what I am doing.

Good. Let the games . . . er, sorry, the teaching . . . begin.

I don’t want to be without you.

As you know, you can’t be without us: We’re part of you. . . . Vaya con Dios, friend. Be blessed. Be at peace. . . . Your Higher Self.


March 2, 2013: Home, Lonsdale Crescent, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, Mr. Neall, wherever you are and whenever you choose.

I wish this journey were easier . . . that I could stay balanced more easily. Every time I expand or open up to more—support, connection, deeper feeling—then I have to deal with this state of chaos, or back pain, or the internalized voices proclaiming doom such as the one that says, “How dare you be happy when I feel so miserable?” . . . I’m asking for your help in sending the “toxic father voice” packing for good and to fill myself up with the Good Parent, the Answer, the New Dawn, the Acceptance and the Way—your way, dear one.

Dear Mr. Neall: You are doing the right thing by stopping all activities and turning within to your Higher Self, who loves you unconditionally and for whom “no request is too extreme” [I had been singing the song “When You Wish Upon A Star,” of which this is a line, during my walk a few minutes ago]. . . . You haven’t quit, Mr. Neall. You are stepping out in many ways: attending Finding Freedom group; male companionship; musical development [redoing my singalong songbook by adding anecdotes for each of the 130 songs and changing the cover photograph]; better diet; good disciplines: prayers, walking, exercise, voice practice, listening to uplifting videos on YouTube; catharsis / growling session when you feel victimized or powerless.

I’m a pretty busy guy, it sounds like. I could use a holiday—a holiday from my own judgmental mind that never seems to let up on me: “You’re not good enough . . . Nobody likes you . . . You’ll never amount to anything.” . . . Help! . . . [burping; yawning] . . . I could use a friend . . . [yawning; tears] . . .

Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that we are with you. We have nothing else to do than help uplift humanity in its woes . . . [yawning] . . . one at a time, in present time. We will always help you to feel better, Mr. Neall, or to fulfill your need, whatever it is. Love and light is what we bring—eternal, unconditional love and light: the Big Picture; freedom from fear and worry; spiritual nourishment; humour . . .

Dear one, I believe you. How do I keep you “in the forefront” of my life so things go easier? So I laugh more often, feel at ease, relaxed, more confident, more hopeful? More connected and without so much stress / back inflammation?

Dear Mr. Neall: By taking as much time as possible to love yourself, just as you’re doing now—“as long as it takes.” Do gratitude practice sessions on what you have accomplished, rather than keep looking at what’s lacking—calmly . . . and again—“as long as it takes” to feel at peace inside yourself . . . [burping] . . . [Taking a break for a gratitude practice session] . . .

I am more peaceful; emotionally calm. The back pain has subsided. Thank you. I experienced being truly grateful for those who taught me automatic writing, and all those who support me in becoming healthier and happier. . . . That’s quite a change—in about an hour.

We are experts, remember (been doing this a long time). . . . Vaya con Dios, dear one. Enjoy your calm. . . . Your Higher Self. Your “lucky star.”


March 7, 2013: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are always with you, Mr. Neall.

Is it possible my health is actually changing? That the back inflammation is going away, since starting on a new health treatment (the immune-system rebuilder known as ‘low-dose naltrexone’)? . . . Life feels more liveable than ever before. It’s easier to look forward; easier to know who I am; easier to be assertive. I’m less self-critical. I realized some of these things during my hour-long talk with my friend and former singalong-leading partner from Vancouver (M.D.) two days ago. Now we appear to be becoming “lightworker partners.” I am filled with light after talking to her. . . . It’s going to take all the courage I can muster to make money with my photography. Having energy (and doing without the voices of self-negation) is the first step. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about moving out of a survival level of existence, embracing more abundance, from here on . . . the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery?

Dear Mr. Neall: You are starting to understand why we say, “Don’t quit.” The quality of your life is improving: every aspect. You are getting clearer about “spiritual life” and what it entails; your disciplines are paying dividends as you face head-on your struggle to overcome isolation. We are with you every step of the way, and will be for every struggle you face. (It’s our job, recall.)

I have so many shortcomings and addictions and health and abundance issues that it seems no one would want to stick with me through “all of this.”

No one . . . except . . . your Higher Self—who is a part of you . . . [yawning] . . . who is limitless, eternal, and a source of unconditional love . . . [yawning] . . . who is with you “no matter what” . . . who abandons no one; is gentle, kind and sure; never lacks for confidence; has no self-esteem issues; is a patient teacher of transformation, of converting problems into soul expansion. . . . Make no mistake what’s happening here, Mr. Neall: school—remember? You are learning to overcome your problems with the help of your Higher Self in order to be able to help others to do the same.

. . . My career, my calling . . . the end of illness . . . the end of self-doubt, self-criticism, self-punishment, small thinking, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

You’ve got it, Pontiac. This is a “partnership in (making) progress.”

It is a partnership—and a powerful one. I “forgot” again. . . . Keep reminding me, dear one. Playing victim is no fun—especially once I’ve experienced a bit of the alternative. Thank you for not giving up on me.

We can’t. We don’t know how to . . .

I’m beginning to appreciate that, and to be grateful for it.

We’ll be as helpful as we know how. . . . Vaya con Dios, dear one. Your Higher Self, Thursday version.


March 12, 2013: Alder Clinic, Birch Street at Evergreen Road [check], Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always with you, Mr. Neall.

I’m waiting for my doctor appointment (as you know)—first one in Campbell River. Thank you that I stay relaxed and that I ask the right questions; that I leave feeling better than when I arrived, and so does he. . . . My back is sore; I feel in near-terminal embarrassment over two photo-art submissions to magazines from which I did not even hear back from the editors / publishers. I seem to be in the midst of a personality change; perhaps my communications have been a little ‘off.’ I’d like to stop worrying about this and enjoy myself more; have more fun; play more.

Dear Mr. Neall: We support all of that, dear one. You are wise to turn to your Higher Self when confused or in doubt or in pain. As you know, we have no judgment on any aspect of your life. We welcome you into the world of love and light—as much of it as you can handle. [Called to my appointment.]


March 17, 2013: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear one.

Life is changing. I attended a movie night (“spiritual cinema”) on Friday evening and service at the Centre for Spiritual Living today. These are real people, interested (as I am) in spirit. I’m not “falling through the cracks of society” any more. My “brokenness” is not a problem; everyone around me is “living and learning,” as I am. . . . I can sing easily for 45 minutes now. I have redone my singalong songbook (“brought it out of mothballs”). I’m listening to great music on YouTube (Brothers Cazimero; trumpet concertos). I’m disciplined. . . . I’m still concerned with losing strength in my legs, and my left foot dragging. Thank you for guiding me to healing in this area, through changing my DNA, perhaps? . . . What is the best thing to know regarding my health / healing / recovery this evening, dear one?

Dear Mr. Neall: We applaud every step forward out of unhappiness—just as we have compassion during every fall-back. Growth is possible here in Campbell River, as you already know from your experiences with your life coach; with your becoming part of a healing community; with not looking backwards much any more.

What a breakthrough of the spirit! No wonder I sit in awe in my van for an hour after each Sunday morning service.

Awe is good, Mr. Neall . . . as are fun, laughter and play—as you pray for. And joy, lightness and ease. Get your fair share—you’re overdue; grow these aspects of your soul as well. . . . We are with you for all of it—never-ending partnership, available for the asking. . . . Today you thought about the notion “music is home,” as we mentioned earlier in these pages. As you create music for yourself and others you will feel more at home. You are well on your way with it—close to “going public”; inspired by the Brothers Cazimero. You know what music is for people: therapy, healing and play, ‘everyone on the same page’ for the time they are singing together.

It’s “an honourable calling.”

You’ve got that right . . .

I’ve also been thinking about how “love solves problems, or doesn’t create them in the first place,” as you have stated. This is such a wonderful truth for me; one I want to grow with. I wore myself out with conflict—decades of it (mostly unconscious). Hopefully I can resurrect my body as I do. Perhaps I’ll need a lot of raw juices as well. Thank you for guiding me in this. I will be ever so grateful to feel more strength in my legs and pelvis and lower back.

Dear Mr. Neall: You know what you want—that’s always the first step. Gratitude is a good second step. Knowing that we are always here to help is a good third one. Discipline a fourth one. Loving yourself, fifth.

That’s a plan worth remembering (but then, good ideas are your specialty). Once again, I realize I am in partnership with a wise being, My Higher Self . . . and I surrender to it. Perhaps that’s the sixth step.

You are on your game today, Mr. Neall. . . . Vaya con Dios. Have a pleasant walk home. Your Higher Self.


April 1, 2013: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, dear Mr. Neall.

So . . . progress is being made. I’ve encountered several males I know over the Easter weekend, and made other contacts regarding creativity at the spiritual centre. These are essential to my happiness. Today I felt your presence as I walked in nature. I thought of some of the “good times” we’ve had, such as the day I was singing “Jingle Bells” driving to downtown Vancouver and recognized your hand in that joyous experience. My disciplines are giving me the courage to “hang in there” for social contact; to be patient and ‘let things develop.’ . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today?

Dear Mr. Neall: You are learning surrender. Congratulations. Please know that we are with you for everything—health, finances, relationships, career or life path, creativity, home, transportation. Not to mention unconditional love and humour and freedom from worry and fear—the way your favourite Buddhist teacher, Ajahn Brahm, lives and what draws you to him: a man who can think outside the box; who knows about freedom, peace of mind and the power of the stilled mind (he speaks extemporaneously from it every week, on a wide range of spiritual topics); who feels at home in his body; who knows the power in friendship . . . a man who teaches—and lives—kindness; who is not afraid of anyone; who is not afraid to make mistakes or to laugh at them. [I’ve watched dozens of his hour-long Friday evening talks on YouTube.]

Acknowledge yourself for your ability to find teachers you can relate to, who speak the language you want to learn: the language of happiness and peace.

He is the happiest and most peaceful man I have encountered.

Again, Mr. Neall, we say: Congratulations. You know what you want and you recognize it in others. . . . Compassion, ‘thinking outside the box’ and self-acceptance are powerful steps towards happiness. And we are with you in every step. As you know, we know nothing about failure—we don’t speak that language.

Thank God for that. I’m pleased to be acquainted with such a level of consciousness. It’s an environment in which I can start eliminating the notion of failure from my own mental patterns. And to build a higher level of self-acceptance—one of my goals . . . [yawning] . . . Thank you . . . [yawning] . . . And I know you are with me for this as well.

Indeed, Mr. Neall. You are not alone any more . . . [yawning] . . .

I have a “partner in progress,” a “forever friend” who abandons no one.

Right on again. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall, from the “human being filling station.”


April 9, 2013: A & W Restaurant, Merecroft Village, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, dear Mr. Neall—glad to be communicating.

. . . [yawning] . . . Changes, changes. . . . I’m making steps to be more involved in a spiritual community via a health and fitness support group that my minister has initiated. I’m going to make more efforts to get involved as a singalong leader. But I want to make sure that I get enough solitude and time with my Higher Self; time of restoration and healing and renewal, of filling up. . . . What’s the most important thing I need to know about my health / healing / recovery today? How can I make today a holiday (holy day)?

Dear Neall: Please know that we are with you; that we like to be with you; that we are ready to do our “job” of uplifting and nourishing your spirit; our job of filling you with love and light, ease and amusement.

I can’t think of a more welcome set of qualities. You are a gift to me.

And gladly do we give—eternally and unconditionally, with no judgment, free for the asking.

And I need do nothing special to deserve this—no pretzel-like yoga positions or fasting or self-flagellation . . .

Especially not the latter!

That’s where I get stuck often: thinking there must be a hard work or self-deprivation involved; thinking I don’t deserve to feel good or to feel supported—old, deep childhood patterns.

And we can help, dear one. You pray nearly every day to feel “safe, secure, supported and sufficient.” We are that force. We are that love. We are that (invisible) strength. We are the effortlessness, the hope, the humour you seek. Surrendering to this force makes everything easier. Surrendering to this partnership connects you to a bigger perspective than the scared child can provide.

I know that’s what you provide . . . it’s just that some days I find it hard to believe that there exists a positive force greater than what my suffering and abandoned child can know . . .

. . . and yet you bring yourself to these writing sessions over and over again . . .

That’s called faith, isn’t it? . . . [tears] . . .

You’ve got it, Pontiac. You are building your faith. You are willing to see life from another point of view; you’re doing what it takes. That’s how you get stronger—by developing a more flexible mind; by being willing to move off of your positionality, once you discover you are stuck.

I want the Good Life.

We’ll do everything possible to bring it to you, Mr. Neall—no hesitation, no questions asked, no admission fee, no dress code. You’re “in the club.”

What I’ve longed for . . .

We know. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. Bless you always on your “French fry holiday” at the A & W. [An order of French fries with ketchup is what I was eating; it is a “holiday snack” because I usually restrict myself to having this as a treat when I’m on vacation.]


April 13, 2013: Timmy Ho’s, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always close at hand, Mr. Neall.

Exciting week, and then a tough day today—emotional overwhelm and discouragement about my health. I’ve been uplifted about my writing success: 850 visits last month to my Internet essays and poetry, up from an average of about 300 up to this month; discouraged by a lack of progress in photography; uplifted by Buddhist teacher Ajahn Brahm (hundreds of videos on YouTube) and by my Higher Self; struggling with isolation / connection issues and money issues. . . . What’s the most important thing I need to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?

Dear Mr. Neall: There is no judgment on your life. Please remember this—as you wrote so effectively in your excerpt #1. Give yourself a holiday from judging yourself—peace of mind. T-R-U-S-T in your Higher Self. We will always help. We never go to sleep. We offer endless compassion, forgiveness, mercy, the end of struggle, win / win situations, love and light, humour, wisdom, mentoring, brothering / sistering—whatever you need in order to feel whole and nourished and free from fear and worry.

. . . and there is no charge for this teaching . . .

As you know . . .

What else do I need to know tonight?

Do your best and leave the rest,” Mr. Neall. Get off the wheel of self-criticism, self-doubt, self-punishment, self-loathing. . . . You are making progress. Acknowledge every step forward. Pray ceaselessly. Exercise. Remember to smile. Take it easy on yourself. Pet the neighbour’s cat that comes and sits on your back porch, and likes your attention. Enjoy the spring flowers you planted, and the magnificent magnolia tree blossoming in your backyard that you photographed today. “Be of good cheer,” Mr. Neall. Life is changing; you are changing. Though it’s chilly today, warmth will soon be here. . . . Love yourself, dear one. As you understood today, it’s self-care you need when you are out of sorts. Take all the time you need. Once again: There is no judgment on your life: never was, never will be . . . we don’t speak that language. We speak the language of hope. We are home, Mr. Neall. This will never change . . . [yawning] . . . “Forever home,” Mr. Neall—Eternity, the Big Picture, the Answer, the New Dawn, the ne plus ultra, the sine qua non. It doesn’t get any better than this. You have found your way to the Source, to the Sun. There’s nothing behind you, Mr. Neall. Don’t look back (as we’ve said before). Your path is love and light. Is there anything else you want?

There nothing else I want than peace of mind, freedom from fear and worry, happiness, friendship, meaningful connection, sufficiency.

That’s exactly what we offer . . . [yawning] . . .

Please . . . keep offering—especially on days like today.

It is “no effort” for us. Please remember this too. We have nothing else to do—nothing else to do. This is our “job”—uplifting humanity (at least, those who want to be uplifted). We will never quit. We can’t quit. We know what perseverance is—and how you have learned it. We know all about you, Mr. Neall—we know your soul’s history. We are perfectly positioned to be of assistance in your development.

So you are. And I am struggling to let you in tonight.

No worries, Mr. Neall. Still you are loved.

Thank you. I will “do my best and leave the rest” . . . forgive the rest . . . [yawning; tears] . . . Nothing else works.

You’ve got that right. . . . Vaya con Dios, friend. Tomorrow is another day.


April 16, 2013: McDonald’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

With you forever, Mr. Neall.

Tough morning, dear one. After e-mailing regarding a positive-sounding potential new home for June 1 last night, I didn’t get a response by 10:00 a.m. and immediately I went into painful self-attack. I analyzed my e-mail message over and over: What did I say wrong? What impression had I left? I condemned myself (yes, to hell!) for my supposed lack of communication skills; and for opening a dialogue with a potential new landlord when I was feeling tired and close to overwhelm.

This morning, glad for the sunshine and the warmth (14 deg. C), I’ve come for a long walk to downtown. All the way I prayed, as with a mantra, “I forgive myself” over and over. Now I am more peaceful. And hopefully, by the time I finish this dialogue, I will feel spiritually nourished—filled up.

Dear Mr. Neall: You are getting wise—going into “repair mode” as soon you recognize the problem. You are moving into new territory spiritually as well as physically—expanding your level of trust and faith to get a good home on your budget—so there are bumps in the road at times.

What’s the most important thing I need to know about my health / healing / recovery? Teach me how to fill myself up, to nourish myself, through my Higher Self today . . . [yawning] . . .

Dear Mr. Neall: The forces of love and light, of unconditional love, never sleep. We are always available. We hear every call. We know who you are; we know the “orphan spirit” seeking the Good Parent; the seeker searching to know himself and to renew himself, to reinvent himself as a happier person, as a spiritual person, as a lightworker with a new career, a true purpose, being pulled forward by a vision of a happy and peaceful (and sun-filled) life; a life with a smile on his face, free from fear and worry, free from the effects of karma.

That’s the story in one paragraph. Thank you. Please continue to guide me. I’m going to walk home again in the sunshine. I am fortunate to know you.

You are indeed, Mr. Neall. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Sunshine.


April 26, 2013: A & W Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, with birthday greetings to add to those from your friends and well-wishers. Dear Mr. Neall, let them in: celebrate—and know that you are loved.

Thank you. May our partnership continue forever.

It is an eternal partnership, Mr. Neall, and we are glad to be with you in it. Your openness to receiving love and thus happiness is expanding, and we celebrate this with you as well. . . . No fear, Mr. Neall, as you grow your Campbell River “New Horizons” [my new landlord owns a seniors’ residence in CR called “New Horizons]. Keep asking for our love; keep up your disciplines; keep growing your faith, your art, your love, “the path that cannot fail” . . . We will not fail you, Mr. Neall. You can “take that to the bank.” . . . Be of good cheer, be of good career, be in the eternal: the Source of All. . . . Blessings, dear one. Vaya con Dios [song in my mind: “Love Can Build A Bridge”].


May 2, 2013: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Merecroft Village, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are close by, Mr. Neall.

One would think with all the benefits to be derived from this dialogue I would engage in it more often [six days since the last one]. But then I remember that self-criticism and self-judgment accomplish nothing, and I can relax again—all is well; I am home. . . . What is the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, dear one?

Dear Mr. Neall: Know that you are loved endlessly. And that you are free to grow at a pace that works for you—always. Celebrate your changes: male companionship / exercise / bike riding / new home / offer of place to stay if you need it / Vancouver friends are coming to visit / photography and writing are getting attention / spring warm weather has arrived. You are meditating, exercising and praying almost every day now; running for part of your daily walk. You have more energy. You understand yourself better than ever, and can communicate from a place of strength and courage and heart, as you are with your new landlord / landlady.

This is the result of my disciplines, as you’ve mentioned. Devotion to my Source, to “the God of Rumi” and to the Good Life is working. May this partnership in love and light and learning continue.

Dear Mr. Neall: Gladly we nourish souls like you—like in the poem you sent off today (“River Love”). Never stop learning and growing. Stay in school forever. Why not? It’s what brings you hope and happiness.

I want your help in cleaning up the house tomorrow and for the holiday that I’m starting on the 4th. Once again I’m on a tight budget; once again I have some resistance to doing the housework and “moving on”; feeling the loneliness of a peripatetic lifestyle . . . [burping] . . .

We are with you for the asking, Mr. Neall, as you may recall from your Monday trip to Courtenay to close out your storage space. Loading and unloading the van was effortless because of that.

Indeed it was. I am grateful for such experiences: help with the everyday drudgeries that can’t be avoided or put off. Another area to “grow my faith”; to grow my happiness.

No problemo, Neallerino. Upliftment for the price of asking—through surrendering. You’re getting better at it.

I could spend some time patting myself on the back.

Indeed. And “patting yourself on the mind” as well, as in meditation—changing the old neural patterns. . . . Keep it up, Mr. Neall. We know you love to create results, and we are with you for all of it. . . . Vaya con Dios, dear one. Be blessed; be nourished. Become real; become peaceful—free from worry. It’s looking good on you.


May 6, 2013: Oceanside viewpoint on Highway 19A near Campbell River

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

No problem, Mr. Neall, to be with you—any time, anywhere: “a friend for the asking” . . . [tears] . . .

Thank you . . . [burping] . . . When I went to set out from my campsite at Miracle Beach Provincial Park this morning, the battery was dead [interior lights and radio on for hours last night]. But that’s how I feel: in need of a recharge. . . . Thankfully, within minutes I found the campground operator; he had a “booster pack” in his pickup and in minutes I was on my way. So my van has had a boost, and now I turn to “my personal booster pack”—my Higher Self—to get my personal batteries recharged. I make it my priority to stop everything else rather than continue going through my day feeling tired or out of sorts. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today? How can I get recharged?

Dear Mr. Neall: Making us a priority (and Jesus, as you did in reading a chapter in your favourite Jesus book, “Walking Through Illusion,” first thing this morning) is what can change your life. Turning to love and light for answers, becoming peaceful before starting your day, is a recipe for success, and we wish you nothing but—and all the happiness you can stand, on these exceptionally warm spring days that you enjoy so much.

How can I become more real, dear one? “Walking Through Illusion” is a superb training manual in becoming real, with a first-class teacher. I’m still a long way from being able to relax while being connected to society—thus the need for this holiday, my back being in spasm once again. I’m asking for help; for recharging.

Please know, Mr. Neall, that there is no judgment on your situation. You have the right to “self-care” in any way that works for you. As your friend M.D. stated wisely in a recent e-mail to you: “There is no one way to do life.” . . . Let that liberating message in, dear one. Acknowledge your uniqueness; acknowledge your progress in getting your feet on the ground; in making progress creatively, socially, physically and mentally. Know that you are loved—by your mentor / minister and by your Higher Self. We will never abandon you. And, as you learn to trust us, so you can develop other relationships of trust—as you understand is happening now: part of the “heaven on earth” you are building, step by step.

Thank you. I had “forgotten” the progress I am making in that regard. No wonder I’m stressed: it’s “the stress of success”—including being in “the right home” for the past five months; the owner is connected to people at the spiritual centre.

Let it happen, dear one: the right books, the right home, the right people, the right guidance (“take a holiday”)—even the right weather for a holiday (warmth and sunshine predicted); and the right timing: campgrounds not crowded or noisy at this time of year; right new friendships through Facebook . . . all through learning to “love and be loved”; to stop judging yourself; to accept your calling as a lightworker; to accept the ability to bless and be blessed—as you shared on Facebook last week [W. B. Yeats poem excerpt]:

My fiftieth year had come and gone;
I sat, a solitary man, in a crowded London shop,
An open book and empty cup on the marble table top.
As on the shop and street I gazed
My body of a sudden blazed
And twenty minutes, more or less,
It seemed, so great my happiness,
That I was blessed
And could bless.

Many changes . . .

Indeed, dear one. The forces of love and light are always busy.

And for that I am grateful . . . [tears] . . .

Go with God, Mr. Neall. Go in your new maturity, your new level of wholeness, in light and in love, always. Never quit, dear one. Signed: “The love affair that never ends.” . . . [burping] . . .


May 7, 2013: Black Creek General Store parking lot, Highway 19A, Black Creek, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are present, Mr. Neall—lightworkers always available.

Worry, worry, worry—it seems to be all I do. How do I get enough money so I don’t feel deprived? How do I balance my health needs / tendency to overwhelm / sensitivity with my need to be social? . . . I am on a three-week vacation till the end of the month, when my new home will be ready. How can I best use this time without thinking I am off on an imbalanced isolation kick again, like last year? How can feel my path more clearly?

Dear Mr. Neall: No one is left alone in the world. Help is always available. Unconditional love is the framework of the universe. It’s like tuning in to a radio station, or finding the right channel on a TV—the one that resonates with light and love nonstop 24 / 7. It’s about getting your self-negation out of the way: self-punishment, self-humiliation, self-criticism, self-judgment.

Life without them is basically unknown to me, and seems almost unbelievable—like living in heaven . . .

Exactly—“heaven on earth”: the outcome of spiritual cleansing; of inner work; the language of Jesus, of Rumi, of all the great teachers. You are a student, are you not—a student of the Good Life?

Yes. One who is stuck in survival issues . . . primal fears and terrors of “standing on his own two feet,” of becoming fully healthy.

Recall, Mr. Neall, that we are with you in everything—as we have promised many times. You have no evidence that this plan has changed.

No, I don’t . . .

Then tune in to this “unchanging God,” who always was, is, and also will be: the infinite, the eternal, the source—and your friend and companion; the ne plus ultra: “above that which is no other”; your “partner in transformation; “the one who fears not”—does not speak that language; the one you know as a gentle but sure guide to wholeness, completeness, happiness and peace. . . . Let us nudge your mind once again out of complication, confusion, chaos and self-criticism and into unconditional love and freedom from fear and worry: your birthright; everyone’s birthright. Get to know this territory, Mr. Neall. Study this road map. It’s your most important journey.

I am willing. “Help thou mine unwillingness.”

Gladly, dear one. We have “all the time in the world”—and far beyond it. There is nothing else we do.

Once again, my lack of faith shows up; my unskilfulness in navigating life . . . [yawning] . . . my stuckness . . . [yawning] . . .

It’s part of the process of learning—as you saw in the book you finished reading today [Soulshaping: A Journey of Self-Creation by Jeff Brown].

Once again, I need to believe that you truly are always available, as you promise: a “forever friend.” Seems like quite a stretch sometimes.

Remember The Beatles’ album Rubber Soul? Perhaps they were on to something about stretching . . .

I seem to be lightening up . . . or, rather we seem to have lightened up. Music: therapy, healing and play, as a former choir leader of mine used to say . . . [burping] . . .

Whatever works, dear one—whatever works . . .

I believe. I believe. I believe.

We never quit, beloved. We never quit. We never quit. . . . We never quit saying “Vaya con Dios.” . . . Go in happiness and peace, always. . . . And remember us. We remember you.

Thank you . . . [yawning; tears] . . .


May 10, 2013: The Forbidden Zone Pizza and Coffee, Oyster River Plaza, Hwy 19A, Oyster River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, Mr. Neall.

After my intense catharsis session while driving the rural back roads around Black Creek on Thursday afternoon, I seem to have moved out of depression and into anxiety. Now that “a future unlike my past” seems more available to me, what shall I put into it? How does one become a “representative of love and light”? And should I take the part-time job detailing automobiles that has come up, to supplement my income? Is my energy system functioning smoothly enough yet for me to take on something like this?

Dear Mr. Neall: You are asking good questions. . . . First of all, congratulations on your successful catharsis session. Your new feelings of strength are testament to that. The resulting disappearance of feelings of victimization leaves you temporarily confused and uncertain. Patience, dear one. You are overcoming the problems of lifetimes. . . . Fill up with our love and light; accept our mentoring, our security, our knowing. Fill your heart . . . and then follow its longings for a happier life; for freedom from fear and worry; for everyday courage.

You are always positive and supportive. I am glad to have you in my life. You are my teacher of happiness.

Exactly—available to all, all the time.

If I didn’t know you, I would have had to invent you,” as it is said.

Creativity is also available to all, as you know.

Is there anything else to know about my journey of health / healing / recovery today?

Dear Mr. Neall: The path of peace and happiness is widening. As stated in your dream last week, you are “three-quarters of the way clear of your childhood.” Time to start celebrating, knowing that it is safe to lighten up; to move more quickly; to more easily “think on your feet”; to have good outcomes; to believe in yourself as a man of God and a friend to those in need—based on a foundation of self-esteem and empowerment. Again: congratulations. Many happy returns of the day, friend. You are not forgotten, ever. . . . Vaya con Dios. . . . Your Higher Self. Your Essence. Your compañionero.


May 13, 2013: The Forbidden Zone Pizza and Coffee, Oyster River Plaza, Hwy 19A, Oyster River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always with you, Mr. Neall.

After a most expansive Mother’s Day yesterday (special service at the spiritual centre); lunch with two mothers—friends from Vancouver), I am still camping near Campbell River, waiting for a cheque (return of security deposit), and notice to come for an interview for the auto detailing job. Rain is pouring down outside; the forecast is for four more days of it at least, so camping is a bummer, and I hang out in coffee shops . . . and converse with my Higher Self. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today?

Dear Mr. Neall: Speaking of friendship: “forever friends”—think on that for a while. The all-encompassing, nonjudgmental conversation you had over a tasty restaurant lunch yesterday after service is available forever. That is what you have begun with this pen-and-paper dialogue. . . . Let your trust in this tool bring nourishment to your soul. Let your self-care flourish, erasing the toxicity and despair of the past and bringing hope for the future.

I definitely have more strength. I noticed the new clarity in my voice while speaking at lunch yesterday; the growth in self-acceptance; the allowing of people to care about me. “I’m so glad you’ve found your home (town),” B.W. enthused. My journey has been witnessed—vital for one who spent years feeling separate and alone . . . [yawning] . . .

We celebrate every victory with you, Mr. Neall, and we always will: endless support, endless nourishment, endless heart. We cannot fail, dear one—we know nothing about it. Unconditional love is the language we speak—as did Jesus. Reach for it, Mr. Neall; reach for your happiness and peace. We will never let you down.

Love and light, eternally . . .

You’ve got it, Pontiac . . . Hope. “Dreams come true.” “Sunshine mind.” “Being in the flow.” Active. Connected. Smiling. Fearless. Loving.

Thank you for our connection today.


May 14, 2013: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Hwy 19A, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Right here, Mr. Neall—no hesitation, no effort, no lack of love, no worries. Eternal, infinite caring; love and light; peace of mind . . .

The full meal deal.”

Indeed.

So . . . after my special Mother’s Day, and now living temporarily with another male, all my well-practised habits of life-avoidance seem to be up in my face: reading newspapers, listening to sports-talk radio, involvement in political machinations, solitary travelling, snacking. . . . The lack of a vision pulling me forward is most pronounced. I’ve got two-weeks-plus till my new home is ready. Dear friend / guide / mentor / Higher Self / divinity within me / Big Picture—what do I need to know to proceed . . . through this day; this month; this year?

Dear Mr. Neall: Please accept our unconditional love and caring. It is available forever. To live free from worry and fear, as your friend B.W. does (as she told you at lunch on Sunday), is also one of the options in life. . . . You are reaching for your personal power—something you haven’t lived from for lifetimes; reaching for self-esteem, self-affinity, self-approvement: the language of the heart. . . . Dear one: Please accept these changes; this new style of living in which you feel nourished by those around you; in which you feel uplifted and inspired and connected; in which you feel seen as a spiritual being at last; in which your gifts and talents can shine; in which “the power of love” reigns rather than “the love of power.” . . . Claim it and it’s yours, Mr. Neall. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


May 15, 2013: Roadside pull-out on Georgia Strait, Hwy 19A south of Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, Mr. Neall, in gladness and peace. “Struggle is optional.”

Gladness and peace”: two of my favourite words. . . . Due to a camping rainout, I’ve ended up staying for two days with a man from the spiritual centre. Despite having a lot of space, I have developed a painful back strain. It’s time to leave, to once again find my solitude, my “silent retreat.” . . . How can I best return to “gladness and peace” today? How can I best love myself? . . . What is the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery?

Dear Mr. Neall: You’ve already begun: by seeking a place close to nature with a pleasant ocean view, going for a long walk and then pulling out your writing book and pen—in the process finding the quote by [renowned local artist] Sybil Andrews that you posted at the back of your writing book—the one that states:

An artist, a Creative Artist, cannot be confined within the bounds of one culture or another culture. He must work in eternity, in God, in Divine Mind, the one Creative Mind which we reflect and express.

His work will be universal, individual—not regional or national—not this or that culture or civilization.

But
ONE,
HIMSELF,
entirely individual expression,
not derivative,
but
HIMSELF,
YOURSELF,
YOUR THOUGHT,
YOUR IDEA.

[Artist’s Kitchen, page 63; R. K. Hudson, London, 1985]

That is you, Mr. Neall: creative artist and unique person. You have found your way home again. Keep going and keep growing. We know you will do what it takes, through self-care including exercise, prayer, Higher Self dialogue, meditation and solitude, to bring yourself back to beautiful balance. You’ve done it many times . . . [burping] . . .

With your help . . .

the power of relationship, Mr. Neall; of trust and faith that you have been working on through perseverance . . . [burping] . . . and love—beginning with self-love . . . [yawning] . . .

. . . the gift to oneself—of peace of mind; a peaceful heart.

You’ve got it, Mr. Neall: the sine qua non—what you have been seeking.

I accept you as my teacher—and Jesus too. I am willing to learn this language: peace, bliss, happiness, health, clear conscience, connectedness, maturity . . .

All available, dear one, from the infinite flow of the universe, which gladly gives to all who seek, who persevere, who take the time to connect, who understand the limitless resources of spirit—who are the lightworkers.

So I do have a calling—becoming a lightworker . . . which I keep forgetting about. What’s the best way to stay connected?

You’re doing it: daily disciplines; like-minded companions; attending service; staying focused and present; study; this dialogue. We will never lead you astray (as you have learned). You’ve got a solid partner here.

Partner”—a beautiful concept, especially for a solitary. . . . And you’ll always be with me . . .

Always, Mr. Neall . . . [burping] . . . that’s a promise.

May God prevail, may good prevail—now and forever.

Go with your good, your God, Mr. Neall—Vaya con Dios. Be blessed with the spirit of peace—in you, as you, around you and through you.


May 22, 2013: Parking lot, Robert V. Ostler Park, Shoppers Row, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, dear Mr. Neall.

What’s happened? I left on a two-day holiday feeling hopeful. I went down-Island, camping, swimming and water-sliding, and was feeling expansive, healthy, and looking forward to returning to Campbell River rested—and now I’ve returned and my back is hurting more than ever. Was it the half hour I spent in the hot tub after swimming and water-sliding? Once again I am discouraged and despairing . . . and so I turn to my Higher Self. What is the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today? How can I re-establish our connection?

Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that there is no judgment of any kind on your activities; that God’s love and light are always available—endlessly and unconditionally. Know that you are loved both in your pain and without it; in sunshine or in rain; travelling or at home; self-critical or self-caring; at ease or under stress; focused or scattered; feeling hopeful or hopeless . . . [burping] . . . [yawning] . . . Think of all your progress, dear one: Upgrading of your technological world with a new touch-screen cell phone (that came with a very favourable rate plan, plus a $100 gift certificate); return of your security deposit with no hassle and in cash; new rechargeable camera batteries at a 40-percent discount—all as a response to a five-minute prayer treatment at your spiritual centre that morning. Then the understanding hit you, with exhilaration: “I have found my church! My belief system!” . . .

. . . You have met the people who will help you change your life; who have the skills and knowledge and maturity and discipline that are required. Your hard work, your detective work, your years of seeking are paying off. . . . And your response to this feeling of liberation is to go, once more, into self-attack, self-punishment and self-negation—the “old energies” resurfacing. . . . “Be kind, be gentle,” as Ajahn Brahm would say in his voice full of compassion. Are there any other words you want to hear at a time like this? . . . [burping; yawning] . . .

No—they are just the right ones . . . beautiful, welcoming words . . . and part of my “vision of hope”—a home in Western Australia [Ajahn Brahm is spiritual director of the Buddhist Society of Western Australia near Perth, WA] . . . [tears; yawning; burping] . . .

Empowerment, Mr. Neall—empowerment is what will get you to Australia . . . [deep burping] . . . Empowerment is what is happening to you. . . . You are learning the skills of a new game. Today, instead of continuing on in physical and emotional pain, you stopped and began this dialogue. Congratulations. You are “laying the foundations of self-creation” through this powerful tool—part of the infinite world of “self-healing through love and light” . . .

. . . through “The All That Is” . . .

Indeed . . . through the force that declares “We will never let you down”—and delivers on that promise every time it is asked to.

My “permanent partnership”; my “forever friend” . . .

You’ve got it, dear one. . . . You are loved. . . . Chew on that one for a while, as you have your lunch. . . . Vaya con Dios, in peace, dear one—all the way to the sunshine of Australia.

I am grateful for your presence and your unfailing help and guidance.

*** POSTED ON MY BLOG TO HERE ***


May 25, 2013: Site 81, Elk Falls Campground, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always close by, Mr. Neall.

Thank you. Major healing is occurring. I had a beautiful healing session two days ago at the Healing Ministry offices on Pier Street: a powerful personal encounter with “God’s love”—no other way to explain it—after a day of pain and confusion. A gift of money has arrived and I finally have new, high-intensity headlights to replace the old bulbs that weren’t bright enough to make me feel safe. I successfully socialized today at the Vineyard church’s “community dinner” and had an intelligent one-on-one discussion afterwards. I am getting known and connected in ways never before experienced. I am no longer invisible. . . . I exercised today and I walked in the sunshine, taking time for myself to recharge. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today, dear one?

Dear Mr. Neall: We applaud your skill at interpreting your needs and then getting them met—and on your (expanding) budget. We applaud you becoming someone you like. We applaud you accepting partnership in healing—partnership on the path of love and empowerment: the path of the heart . . . on opening to “juicy life.” It looks good on you, Mr. Neall. Don’t quit, ever—as we‘ve said before. The doors of spirit are always open to you: the doors of enlightened living; the doors to a “lightened up life”; the doors to joy and happiness. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. “Saturday night’s always all right” for those who love discipline, a.k.a. discipleship.


May 31, 2013: Timmy Ho’s, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Glad to be with you, Mr. Neall, in partnership and brotherhood.

My support group (Finding Freedom) is working. I experienced support today like never before. And I’m in my new home—first real home in years—for the first day today. Moving my boxes I strained my back. Thank you for your help in relieving that. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?

Dear Mr. Neall: Blessings on your accomplishments in bringing your spirited self successfully down to earth; in joining with others through your courage and perseverance. And now once again taking up the discipline of writing . . . [yawning] . . . in order to raise your spirits . . . [yawning] . . . to express yourself . . . to become whole . . . [yawning; burping] . . . to experience love and light, peace and happiness, upliftment, inner strength, hope, wisdom and communication with the universe and its truths . . . [burping] . . .

Beautiful—thank you for reminding me. Thank you for always being available; for being the Good Parent I never had; for invoking wisdom and inner peace. You are an essential, invaluable, irreplaceable part of me . . . [yawning] . . . I am being recharged through this dialogue . . . [yawning] . . . That is as it should be . . . doing your job of uplifting humanity. . . . I look forward to being connected with you 24 / 7—as some of the healers and ministers I’ve met are. . . . More growing to do; more happiness to be won; more connectedness to achieve—keeps me engaged with life instead of alone and separate. . . . I am glad to have a teacher “on call.” The “novelty” never seems to wear out—because the results are always profound, growth-invoking and satisfying.

Dear Mr. Neall: This dialogue can go on forever. It’s limited only by your level of willingness. As we’ve said: We are always glad to do our “job”; glad to watch you grow. It’s effortless for us—a quality we know you are attracted to, especially as you unpack your boxes after four years and put everything in its place, move furniture and set up healthy relationships with the hobby farm’s owners. Please accept our blessings as you proceed through this process, one you had become unfamiliar with.

Indeed. Your support here is very welcome. “Ask and you shall receive” seems the appropriate principle to apply here . . .

Your instincts are right on, Mr. Neall. Your “permanent partnership” is functioning as it should. You can indeed carry us everywhere you go. . . . Vaya con Dios, starseeker.

Amen.


June 9, 2013: Timmy Ho’s, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, Mr. Neall—master of the new Android cell phone.

Thank you, Beloved. . . . New phone, new home, new hoe. Less past, more future. . . . Tomorrow morning I have X-rays and ultrasound at the hospital, due to a small lump on my right breast—that has been shrinking and is basically gone, after several weeks of focused prayers on it. I’m asking for your presence, though, during the whole process.

Dear Mr. Neall. We are glad to be with you—now and then; in love and in light; in compassion and courage. It is no effort for us, and we like to be with you.

Thank you. . . . What is the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?

Dear Mr. Neall: You are putting yourself into environments where you can grow. Congratulations on your courage. You are becoming recognized in more corners of town—church, spiritual centre, the library, shopping mall, at your home. Your dream of a better life is manifesting . . . [yawning] . . . your disciplines are paying off; you see that a lifestyle of constant growth bring happiness and peace. . . . Be love and be loved, compañionero. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


June 13, 2013: Tyee Spit Park, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

. . . [tears] . . . Dear Mr. Neall: We are glad to connect with you once again. It is no effort for us; and you deserve all the Higher Self connection you can generate; all the love and peace and honourableness and purposefulness . . .

Thank you. I’m not sure whether to take a holiday or not. I seem to be lacking in direction. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today? . . . [burping] . . .

Dear Mr. Neall: Know that you are loved, cared about, guided, held in compassion—forever. There is no lack of anything in your Higher Self. You are wise to spend time in dialogue with it; to open your heart / mind / soul once again to the infinite forces of renewal and hope, of light and love.


June 19, 2013: Timmy Ho’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Never far away, dear Mr. Neall.

I’m back at Timmy Ho’s with my writing book, seeking guidance from my Higher Self—friend, mentor, guide, compañionero, “the one who never fails.” . . . I am exhausted and in pain, deeply unhappy, in near-crisis regarding my home—too tired to say what I need to say to my landlady to get “back on track”; to feel empowered in my new home; to reach this new level of skilled, adult communications in which I can no longer be lectured to or “wiped out” / obliterated / punished by authority figures, or treated like a child or adolescent. . . . What’s the most important thing to know tonight?

Dear Mr. Neall: Please accept our unconditional love and support, our nourishment and guidance. Please know that there is a way through this painful conundrum, and we are glad to be your partner for this journey, this change, this healing, this return to self-love, this growth. . . . As you know from experience, we have a limitless—infinite—array of techniques, limitless patience and a willingness to help.

I need a lot of help, as I head into the “unknown territory” of an empowered and loving lifestyle in a new city. I barely recognize myself any more. But my “long face” and back pain reveal to me how deeply out of touch I am at the moment. Somewhere there is ease. . . . I take all of this to my Higher Self, “forever friend” who knows me better than anyone. . . . I need new words—a new language—to describe what I am going through. I have a deep, deep longing to be peaceful and happy. I experienced some of it during my long phone call with M.D. the other evening. If I can have that enlightened a conversation, what else is possible? And I don’t want to go back to old ways of relating, for sure. This is true “divine discontent.”

Dear Mr. Neall: You know we are always with you; that we are bigger than any problem you may be in; that we have “compassion big as the sky” . . . [yawning] . . . that we never punish; we abandon no one; and will do what it takes, for as long as it takes, to help you change your mind . . . [yawning] . . .

I accept. . . . What do I need to know?

That you are deeply exhausted. You have been socializing at levels never before engaged in, for several months now, including at the spiritual centre on Sundays, and meeting people from there on the street for long chats at McDonald’s, or like at the Japanese Festival on Saturday, for hours. This, plus your new home situation and contact with your Japanese friend in Vancouver and M.D., has worn you down. You’ve been caught off guard through the exhilaration of being accepted so completely almost everywhere—the result of your disciplines of prayer, meditation, exercise and “living one day at a time” opening you up to new levels of self-acceptance. You are “learning the lessons of life.”

So what now? . . . How do I recover? Show me the way—please . . .

You are doing it. Talking to your Higher Self—the Divine within you—is one of the best things you can do. You are taking the time to get in touch with the Big Picture, the place of freedom from fear and worry and discontent . . . [yawning] . . . taking the time to contact your “Buddha nature.”

That is my goal—for every day of my life.

A worthy goal, dear one. In that place, you can be truly useful to others.

another of my goals. . . . I accept this teaching tonight; this relationship of learning and nourishment . . . [yawning] . . . My faith has grown.

That’s the plan, dear one. And there’s no end to it. You can keep growing forever.

And with a teacher like you, I want to. I want my forever friendship; my permanent partnership in growth. This writing is the most important thing I do.

Indeed it is, Mr. Neall. You are wise to understand that. . . .Vaya con Dios. Your anytime, anywhere Higher Self. Your Beloved. Your Buddha.


June 24, 2013: Parking lot, Quinsam Crossing Shell Station, Willis Road and Highway 19, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always with you, Mr. Neall.

I want to decide by the end of the week whether to stay on in the coach house at the hobby farm. I feel empowered once again; yet I have to ascertain whether I think it possible to develop a healthy relationship with the landlady (her husband works out of town most of the time). If I’m leaving, I’ll want to give notice on June 30 for the end of July. This is an important decision, so please help me make a good one—the one that leads to my highest happiness.

Dear Mr. Neall: Please believe that we are with you, and that we love you. Please know that there is a source of love greater than your current conundrum; that we will not neglect you in your time of need.

I’m having difficulty establishing a connection or tuning in to you, Higher Self. Perhaps it’s my excitement still over the musical evening last night, including eating and socializing with eight others—my first experience performing and songleading in Campbell River. I was well-received, with my repertoire of 130 songs, and this was my first experience of jamming with more than one other. I stayed for four hours, immersed in music. Today I’ve been unwinding, meditating, exercising. This is a different style of life than what I’ve known.

Congratulations, Mr. Neall, on the growth in a positive lifestyle. Take all the time you need to regroup. Recall that we are endlessly patient with those we love . You are doing your best to grow and change and heal yourself, to establish love and light as the operating principles of your life. You will find us a constant ally in this process: the permanent partner, the forever friend, the Beloved you have sought and now found—the one that never sleeps. Allow yourself to feel the excitement of this new growth—of being “met in the eyes of others,” the mirrors of your enlightened life.

Thank you for that . . . [yawning] . . . What else could I know tonight to expand my wellness; to eliminate pain and suffering (upper front teeth; right arm below the shoulder; left rotator cuff issues; hip joint problems, and the lower back inflammation).

Dear Mr. Neall: Your inner guidance system has brought you many benefits. Let it continue to guide you to healers; to finances to pay for them; to taking holidays when needed; to finding inner peace and happiness—a smile on your face; a feeling of warmth (“sunshine mind”); fearlessness; freedom from worry; empowerment; the love you seek. . . . We will not let you down, Mr. Neall—ever. . . . Vaya con Dios forever. Your Higher Self.


July 1, 2013—Canada Day: Parked in a shady spot on Airport Road near the airport, Campbell River, BC [hottest day of the year]

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always with you, Mr. Neall.

I’m feeling tired today. The past two weeks have brought me into a larger flow of life—ten-page letter composed over eight weeks and sent to my younger brother (after forty years of not connecting); stood up to my “dragon lady” landlord, letting her know it was unacceptable to me to be treated like a misbehaving child; made an art book proposal to a real-estate company. Today I looked at a new place to live. I can feel the need to recharge my batteries, and I’m going into “worry mode” about housing. What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today?

Dear Mr. Neall: Rest and be blessed. Yesterday you spent several hours relaxing in nature by Elk Falls. Today you spent a nourishing hour reading about literature and writing in your borrowed book The Christian Imagination. . . . It’s a holiday weekend—join the club . . . [burping; yawning] . . .

I need you to be both a “holiday coach” and “mind-holiday mentor” to get me out of struggle today.

No job too large or too small to take on, dear one. As you know, we have nothing else we need to do. You have our full attention for as long as you want, for as long as it takes.

Your generosity is uplifting—and free for the asking too!

Wonders never cease,” as it is said.

Since I’ve given my notice at my residence for the end of July, I may make August a vacation month and go camping, I know you’ll be with me for that as well.

No end of help, dear one. “Love beyond measure” . . . [yawning; burping] . . .

And I need do nothing to deserve this, except get my feelings of undeservingness and unworthiness—my “bloated nothingness,” as a former minister described it—out of the way . . . [yawning] . . .

You’ve got it—good for you: . . . [yawning] . . . “Mr. Neall, student extraordinaire.”

With an excellent, patient coach.

We are whatever you need, dear one, whenever you need it. Just get out your pen and paper.

A simple instruction that I can manage.

Of course—that’s how the Universe is set up.

Awesome . . . (a word I don’t use often).

Awesome indeed. . . . Vaya con Dios, friend. Be blessed in your rest by the best—your Higher Self.


July 7, 2013: Merecroft Village parking lot, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Glad to be with you, Mr. Neall.

I’m allowing myself to be more supported by my minister, the spiritual director of the Campbell River Centre for Spiritual Living, by admitting to a deeply held dysfunctional pattern, never shared with anyone before. I simply didn’t want to carry that around any more—even though I might not “look good” in her eyes. If she is a true representative of the Divine, she will understand my motives and have no judgment; she will understand my desire to grow (up). . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?

Dear Mr. Neall: We applaud your courage and acknowledge your deep longing to feel whole . . . [yawning] . . . and happier . . . [yawning] . . . and stronger. As we’ve said before, we are with you for everything, and we’re certainly not going to quit now.

Music to my ears,” dear one. Last night I dreamed of learning to drive a large and solid 4-wheel-drive pickup called a Power Wagon that was unwieldy and required double-clutching every gear change, up or down, and with its steering barely manageable (a turning radius of about 100 feet). This seems like new strength coming in. I welcome it.

Love and empowerment,” Mr. Neall—your growing edge. Note that your disciplines are getting easier—morning prayers and a walk; evening exercise / yoga and prayers; going to Sunday service; accepting the pleasure of a long, hot shower at home (with no cost, as hydro and hot water are included in the rent) . . .

. . . Two days ago, in an “expanded-mind moment,” I imagined hearing from my landlords that they were sorry for how they had treated me, and they would like me to stay. It was a 180-degree shift from what I had been thinking lately. It reminded me to always remain open to all possibilities—that’s what the spiritual warrior does: especially possibilities that are beneficial, like a happy home on my budget. That would put my home-search struggle at an end for good. Thank you for your presence and your help in this area as the days pass.

Gladly, Mr. Neall. You are our friend and we like to see you happy and contented and feeling abundant.

That’s the language I wish to speak.

Your goal is a worthy one, Mr. Neall. Freedom from the chains of self-criticism, self-punishment, unworthiness, shame and guilt is an event to be celebrated—and we will be with you for that too, as part of this all-encompassing, eternal, spiritual partnership in well-being that you have developed.

A partnership of hope—

You’ve got it. Compassion and courage as well—in fact, everything you need for the Good Life. . . . Vaya con Dios, Mr. Neall. Your Sunday-best Higher Self.


July 11, 2013: Tyee Spit Park, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Right here with you, Mr. Neall, always on call.

After months of good sleeping, I’ve had a couple of tough nights; more back pain than I want. And the unresolved issue still regarding this home. Yet I woke up this morning and did 45 minutes of exercise and sang for 45 minutes. It feels good to be developing some muscle in my upper arms and shoulders using the fitness tube. And my ‘living one day at a time’ discipline seems to be paying dividends. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today? How can I best grow in love and light and empowerment at this time?

Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that we love you and that we support anything and everything that makes you feel stronger and happier. There is nothing else that we are here to do. And when you are in pain and suffering, we are with you then too. We abandon no one, ever. . . . And we are patient with our friends, letting them learn at a pace that is right for them . . . [yawning] . . .

I realize that this dialogue is my most valuable tool for growing in love and light and empowerment (I can answer my own question today). . . . And I realize that I also want to put inner peace on my agenda: freedom from fear and worry. And also a good home, so that I feel grounded on this planet at last.

Dear Mr. Neall: Knowing what you want, as we’ve said before, is ‘half the battle.’ Expressing your desires in this dialogue places them in ‘the greater flow’ known as the Universe, which is unlimited in scope.

This universal presence is what I have been told, years ago, by my intuition, will heal my lower back—and thus my life. One day last week when I was being ‘scanned’ by my quantum (distance) healer in Ontario, Dr. Adam, I experience being completely free from all pain, and also empowered and connected to the whole universe—what I now understand as one of my goals.

You have created effective ‘helpers,’ Mr. Neall. Acknowledge yourself for that—for every bit of progress physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially and financially. You begin to see that growing is part of being happy . . . [yawning] . . .

What else would help grow my happiness today? . . . [yawning] . . .

Believing in this dialogue, Mr. Neall; believing that this is the ‘the road home’ . . . that you have ‘found your way’ . . . that there is a way through the deepest suffering, pain and darkness . . . that there is light always available: the light of Buddha nature, the light of God, the non-denominational light of awakening . . . [tears; yawning; burping] . . . thus, inner peace is possible.

Your message is clear and profoundly heartening, and I am grateful. This has been ‘time well spent.’ . . .

With your ‘timeless well of nourishment.’

And eternal as well—you never go away.

We can’t, Mr. Neall. We’re part of you.

Again, I am grateful. May peace prevail, may good prevail—throughout the Universe.

It does, Mr. Neall, it does. . . .Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


July 15, 2013: Parking lot, Quinsam Crossing Shell Station, Willis Road and Highway 19, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear one.

Thank you. I had a beautiful, deep healing today while listening to Buddhist scholar and teacher Robert Thurman, head of Tibet House in New York City. I was looking on YouTube for the dialogue between him and Deepak Chopra called “God and Buddha” and ran across Thurman’s response to the self-immolation of Tibetan monks in protest over the Chinese cultural genocide being practised in Tibet. Thurman, a former monk and a thirty-year friend of the Dalai Lama, filled his eight-minute presentation with deep Buddhist wisdom, including an honouring of these “warriors of non-violence” for their “sacrifice and heroism,” while insisting such behaviour is not encouraged by any Buddhist leaders, as the Chinese propagandize. The Dalai Lama’s attitude was made clear, Thurman said, in the words he spoke to one badly burned monk in a hospital: “Do not die with hatred or anger towards the Chinese in your heart.” The Buddhist teaching echoes that of Jesus, Thurman said—to love your enemies. “To love someone means you want them to be happy,” said Thurman. “If your enemy was truly happy they definitely would not wear themselves out being your enemy [chuckles]. They would cheer up and be friendly.” [See: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XEEohjzAZQ]. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, as I sit in my van and enjoy the bright summer-evening light of Vancouver Island, British Columbia?

Dear Mr. Neall: Truth is truth, wherever it is to be found. The truth hit you today, and your soul responded by releasing its pain. Congratulations, Mr. Neall. You are finding your way; finding the light; empowering yourself.

And I have you to share my journey with. What an honour and a blessing and a comfort!

You are catching on, Mr. Neall, to the limitless, eternal, infinite qualities of Spirit, a force that will never, ever let you down, only build you up, and that does so willingly and effortlessly—and always will.

Thank you, friend.

You’re welcome. Vaya con Dios, sunshine sitter. Your Higher Self.


July 24, 2013: Timmy Ho’s, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are present, Mr. Neall: awakened spirit.

I am packing up (thank you for your beautiful presence during this process yesterday). My time is up at the hobby farm, and I will go camping for the month of August. One has to be very patient with oneself on the spiritual journey: no judgment. I am getting grounded by showing up at my spiritual centre on Sundays, a coffee meeting midweek with a man from this centre, plus my Friday Finding Freedom group at the Christian church on the western edge of the city—and my daily exercise / yoga and long cycling trips. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today?

Dear Mr. Neall: Day by day, you are learning love and empowerment, in your various environments. We are glad to participate in your development; in your growth program, your schooling; in your “surrender to sanity.” Be of good cheer, be of good career (path); be love and be loved; be a strong and self-expressive soul being; a truth-seeker and wellness researcher. We are with you for all of it.

My back condition is telling me it’s time to get away; to go on walkabout; to get closer to God by becoming relaxed and peaceful; to get in touch with a vision of how I want to live here in Campbell River—and farther on, in Australia—and how I want to develop my writing, photography and music. What else could I know about healthy personal development today?

Dear Mr. Neall: Spirit never sleeps. You can check in with us at any time for support on your journey. We promise we’ll be there to uplift, nurture, guide, inspire, encourage, or whatever else is required. We are your friend, and that’s what friends do. We are here to ensure that nothing gets missed; to fill up all the empty nooks and crannies of your being; to help you become whole and real and connected and purposeful and peaceful and happy . . . [yawning] . . . That’s what our relationship is about. It is a powerful connection that you have earned through your earnest seeking. Don’t look back any more, Mr. Neall (you’re getting clearer about that). Forward into happiness and peace, love and light, friendship and wisdom, feet on the earth. . . . Vaya con Dios, dear one. Your teacher forever: your Higher Self.


July 25, 2013: Parking lot, Quinsam Crossing Shell Station, Willis Road and Highway 19, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are glad to speak with you, Mr. Neall.

I’ve been studying the extraterrestrial origins of humankind; absorbing the “ancient astronaut” ideas of Michael Tellinger and Zechariah Sitchin and others; ideas that move me out of the repressive, fundamentalist “Bible-as-the-only truth-about-God” belief system . . . moving out of my painful past . . . believing in myself more . . . exercising harder . . . using Tonglen deep breathing when I can’t sleep . . . integrating the strength I demonstrated when I stood up to my landlady. . . . Sunbathing out on my deck today was a special treat. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery, dear one?

Dear Mr. Neall: We will be your friend forever and are glad to listen to stories of your development. We don’t judge you and there is nothing to fear in us or from us—and never will be. You are working hard for your happiness, your enlightenment, and we notice such things. Remember, we will be your partner in growth forever, your partner in becoming balanced physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially and socially; your partner in laughter, love and light, and empowerment.

This is what I have longed for: an always-available, nonjudgmental teacher / mentor with just these qualities.

So have many others, Mr. Neall—if only they could admit it to themselves.

[yawning] . . . What else could I know about my health / healing / recovery tonight? . . . [yawning]

That you are a beautiful soul, Mr. Neall—someone well on his way to finding the answers to the problems of his life. You have taken up the journey—thus the helping forces approach nearer. . . . Welcome, lightworker, compañionero, fellow traveller, friend. Your struggles are lessening; dawn is approaching. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


August 1, 2013: Wendy’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Right with you, Mr. Neall.

Thank you for being with me at the dentist this morning. In your presence, I was able to relax. . . . And as I proceed on this holiday month and continue to build “a future unlike my past,” thank you for continuing to guide me. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery? I want to relax my back on this vacation.

Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that we enjoy your company and enjoy watching you grow. Congratulations on all the positive steps of the past few months. As you recognize, you are becoming someone you always wanted to be: someone you like; someone who is going somewhere; someone with a backbone; someone who lets people into his life—people who can help you on your journey of growth into love and light.

What I want is to balance this journey with a capacity to manage my material world: enough money, good home and vehicle, technology working properly, in an environment of communicative people.

Dear Mr. Neall: Through love, what you want is possible. Through accepting our love, change can occur—the past and its traumas fade away. Through empowerment, a new style of life is created—a smile appears on your face more often. Through meditation, you make friends with your mind—the clouds part and sunshine can enter. Through positive connections, a life of peace and respect manifests—and money will begin to flow. . . . Never give up, dear one. You have enough tools in your toolkit to deal with any situation. And you have our love—endlessly, for the asking. . . .Vaya con Dios, Beloved. Go with the God of your growing heart. We will never leave you. . . . And so it is.


August 4, 2013: Roadside stop near Osoyoos, BC
I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Glad to be with you, dear one.

Today is the third day of my vacation. I’m experiencing warm sunshine as I cycle country roads between fruit orchards loaded with ripening apples and peaches, and swim in Osoyoos Lake. I have a good campsite right on the lake. I’m reading Love Poems from God: 12 Sacred Voices from East and West by Daniel Ladinsky. These are messages I resonate with: the ecstatic poetry of Rumi, Hafiz, Meister Eckhart, St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Theresa of Avila and others. This is the God I want to get to know: compassionate, unlimited, interconnected, outrageous, friendly—the Beloved. God save me from the dried-up, punishing, authoritarian God of my past. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today, dear one?

Dear Mr. Neall: We are here for whatever you need, including a changed mind about what God is—and we will be here for you forever. We are indeed unlimited, and it is no effort for us to help you, day or night, Campbell River or Osoyoos or anywhere else—

my “forever friend,” compañionero and permanent partner in healing; my guide, mentor and Beloved, who knows nothing of failure, fear or lack . . .

We are getting to know one another—that’s a Good Thing, Mr. Neall. Recall: When you are happy, we are happier . . . [yawning] . . .

How can I obtain more clarity and courage for my path? More light and love? . . . [yawning] . . .

Dear one: This is the way: this writing, this dialogue, plus your studies and your connections to spiritual community in Campbell River. And your daily disciplines: prayer, walking and yoga / stretching / exercise to feel at home in your body; to feel stronger.

And again I ask: And you will never leave me?

And again we say: We can’t, Mr. Neall. We are part of you (available to everyone)—the part known as your Higher Self.

I feel blessed to know this; to have a place that can unconditionally and nonjudgmentally receive my moods and darknesses—any problem—and come up with solutions; a Bigger Picture; love and light.

And you’ve done a good job with that, dear one. You’ve found the always-positive, always-helpful part of yourself. Congratulations. And when you’re ready, you’ll share it with others . . . [yawning] . . .

Thank you. Is there anything else I could know tonight? Do you have further words of encouragement for a mostly solitary seeker?

You have our endless love, Mr. Neall. There is no judgment in us. If you want to become happier, choose love—it never fails to produce results. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


August 6, 2013: Timmy Ho’s, Main Street, Osoyoos, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, Mr. Neall—sleet or snow, heat or cold [it’s 37 deg. C outside in the desert climate here in the Southern BC Interior, along the U.S. border].

I’m at the point in this vacation that I’ve experienced before, that seems like “hitting the wall”: I don’t know where to go next and I’ve got vehicle problems that could prove expensive, and me travelling on a tight budget. Plus, the weather is almost too hot to be comfortable out-of-doors; and the local BC Parks campgrounds, where I can camp for free with my “camping pass,” are booked up, leaving just “overflow camping.” In Osoyoos, this means a thin strip of gravel between the campground’s main road and the lake, with little privacy and no picnic table for cooking (though it’s peaceful at night, being on a spit of land a mile out into the lake). . . . What’s the most important thing to know to build my faith today, dear one? How can I “surrender to spirit” even more today? What’s the way through this to a new level of peace of mind?

Dear Mr. Neall: Here you are, surrendering your brokenness. Here you are, stretching your soul, reaching for something bigger. Please know that we will never abandon you—we cannot, ever. . . . You are experiencing new strength, through your disciplines, including high-powered nutrition [I’ve added 2,000 mcg of liquid vitamin B-12 to my daily regimen and the effects are noticeable] and relaxation time in nature for the past four days. You have imagined yourself earning $60 / hour as a counsellor / life coach—a whole new style of life; one based on self-esteem. A fellow male has called you “mature,” and your spiritual director considers you a “genius.” Your friend M.D. from White Rock wanted to visit with you on your way through Vancouver last Thursday evening—and waited patiently over an hour beyond your agreed-upon meeting time for you to arrive. Do you see the benefits of paying attention to your life?

I do. And I have you to remind me when I forget. That is the greatest relationship of them all.

It is no effort for us, Mr. Neall. Gladly we give to you, and to all those seeking.

I am growing indeed. . . . Now I must deal with solving van repair issues. I’ll begin with just replacing the fuel filter (appointment in 20 minutes). . . . Thank you for guiding this process—you who exist everywhere and in everything, including the minds and hands of auto mechanics. I’m turning it over to you, for the highest and best good of all concerned.

We will be with you, dear one. Your assessment is correct. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your hot-weather Higher Self.


August 11, 2013: Campsite 2, Silver Lake Provincial Campground, 6 km southwest of Hope, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always with you, Mr. Neall.

After a nervous night of oft-interrupted sleep in the parking lot of the all-night Tim Hortons in Hope, I’m at another campground, where hopefully the partiers won’t keep me up past midnight as they did at Sasquatch Provincial Park two nights ago. Two days before that, while driving from Osoyoos back to Princeton, after staring at a climbing temperature gauge late on another hot day, I stopped to discover that I had lost all the coolant from my engine. I spent a night at Stemwinder Provincial Campground determined to wake up in the morning with an answer to this seemingly major problem. The first coolant hose I pushed, probing for soft spots, gave way, showing me the broken little pipe on my van’s heat control valve—diagnosis complete! I approached a neighbouring camper, who the night before, seeing the steam escaping from under my hood as I pulled in, had offered to help if I needed it. He agreed to drive me the 20 km to Princeton to see if a new valve was available there. My neighbour, a retired policeman, turned out to be a singer and music aficionado (as was his wife), so was good company on the trip, during which he discovered a low tire on the nearly new, top-of-the-line Ford pickup that he and his wife towed their trailer with. The auto parts store had my valve in stock, and for just $37.00. My camping neighbour was pleased to discover that flat tires are fixed for free at Kal Tire stores in BC (and that the eight lug nuts on his heavy-duty truck’s right front wheel were on so tight that he would never have gotten them off by hand had he tried to do so at the side of the road). A lifelong practising Christian, his response back at Stemwinder when I thanked him for the ride was, “We are here to help each other.” . . . A half hour of fussing and I was on the road again.

. . . According to my dreams this week, I seemed to be clearing out old “demonic” energies through listening to an Eckankar CD that teaches the chanting of the syllable “HU” (pronounced “hue”) as the name of God, or the sound of the life force itself. As I travelled east of Osoyoos on the steep, winding highway up Anarchist Mountain leading away from the lake, at the top of the hill I spotted a huge billboard advertising Eckankar (“Soul travel”; “The sound and light of God”)—first such billboard I have seen in the province. The sign prodded me to listen to the CD I got from my naturopathic doctor ten months ago but had never played. The vehicle problems made me turn around and head west again, but on the trip from Osoyoos back to Princeton, I listened to this CD five or six times. It ends with an ethereal 20 minutes of “HU” chanting by 3,000 voices—powerful, healing music. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?

Dear Mr. Neall: . . . [burping; yawning] . . . For those who are open to “the feedback of the Universe,” as well as to new ideas, much is given; healing is made available . . . [burping; yawning] . . . Faith in humanity is restored, as yours was by overcoming your old pattern of isolation and asking for and receiving needed help from your fellow traveller.

I am grateful for this “warm (in both senses) summer adventure.” I will remember it for a long time.

Life is always giving feedback. That is part of its richness.

That is the kind of life I want—rich in positive experiences.

As you are learning, Mr. Neall, we are whatever you need. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your highway-holiday Higher Self.


August 13, 2013: McDonald’s Restaurant, SE Marine Drive at Manitoba Street, Vancouver, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always with you, Mr. Neall, ready to communicate.

I’ve had a full day, dear Higher Self. I travelled in from Hope to Vancouver (150 km) for tea with a spiritual-minded friend—part of my self-disciplinary program of increased socialization in order to end my holiday on a transformed note. Yesterday, as part of that program, I spent an hour on the phone with a powerful healer who also channels Jesus Christ / Sananda. That long phone call created back pain once again, and this morning on the freeway in from Hope, inspired by this man who said he had done catharsis sessions for four months straight, four or five days a week, I did a deep and powerful session myself. Later, traversing the residential areas of Vancouver, I kept thinking, “This is a peaceful city; more peaceful than I ever recall it being.” Then I realized it was me who was peaceful after my highway tantrum session. . . . Tonight I treated myself to an hour-long reflexology / foot massage sessions that has taken nearly all the pain out of my back. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery, dear one?

Dear Mr. Neall: You uplifted your spiritual-minded friend over tea (as she remarked to you)—just as her “spiritual mind treatments” [affirmative prayers] via email have uplifted you in the past. Your male friend / healer / channeller said “good to talk to you” after your long, spiritual-minded conversation yesterday. . . . Your courage is producing results. You are living with more energy, the result also of your willingness to take up your disciplines, such as a long walk at the riverside park and then fitness tube session on the grass in the sunshine afterwards . . . [Bathroom break: The McDonald’s washroom was a mess; I had to drive miles down the street to find an open gas station with a clean one; then sleep. Now, at 5:30 a.m., I’m back at the McDonald’s parking lot.]

Thank you for being my source of unconditional love and light; for not judging my lifestyle as I sort out how to build a home; to get more grounded in this world. I’m having trouble not judging myself, not “lowering the boom on myself” today for not having enough friends in Vancouver so that I would have a place to stay last night (I tried to sleep in the van in the McDonald’s parking lot); for not having a permanent home yet in Campbell River to return to. I need to love myself and my inner child at times like this—truly believe that progress is being made, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially and socially. That’s when I feel best: understanding that I am “on a path” of growth, of healing, of learning joy and laughter instead of fear and anger. I’m asking for your help with this today; help to experience your presence, your peace—wherever I am and whatever my level of development; to feel loved at times like this when I’m unable to love myself and feel confused and uncertain. Will you be my friend again today?

Oh, Mr. Neall, you know we will. You know that it requires no effort on our part. We are with you gladly to help raise your spirits; to help you find your heart, to feel your new level of connectedness and to celebrate it, to feel peaceful rather than judgmental, hopeful rather than discouraged, whole rather than fragmented, empowered rather than powerless or victimized. And we will never cease being available for this teaching—city or countryside, darkness or daylight, night or day. . . . Believe it, Mr. Neall—it’s true. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


August 17, 2013: Tyee Spit Park, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are always with you, Mr. Neall.

I’m getting caught up in the “the ways of the world” rather than the ways of Spirit: reading newspapers, listening to the radio. Plus, it’s Saturday evening: time for my “artist’s date” (with my creative self); time for my discipline of writing; time to “take my problems (a dull ache in my lower back) to God”; time to connect with my friend / compañionero / Beloved—the patient one; the all-seeing one; my mentor in unconditional love—about whom I wish to learn more tonight.

Dear Mr. Neall: We are all of that and much more—always ready to uplift, to help expand souls and minds, to raise vibrations, to inspire, to bring hope to, to bring home. Is no effort for us, and we ask for nothing in return. What you have always been seeking is available: a peaceful heart and mind; freedom from fear and worry; a relaxed body; a high level of self-esteem; self-approvement, self-affinity, self-acceptance; a happier life.

You know me well. I want help specifically tonight with this back situation that keeps me unhappy. The reflexology helped; a gym session with a low-back exercise machine helped last Wednesday; the catharsis last week driving in from Hope helped; 30–40 minutes of meditation daily helps. What more can I do today to transform this, heal this, dear one? How could I love myself more?

. . . [yawning] . . . You are taking your problems to the right place, Mr. Neall: to your Higher Self that sees a bigger picture . . . [yawning] . . . that knows the power of forgiveness . . . [yawning; eyes moistening] . . . Let it go, Mr. Neall: the pain of your father and his father; the toxic shame; the lack of support; the missing father; the lack of nourishment from males, so that you have to “make up” how to be male every day. Let those days be gone—a thing of the past. Let us nourish you now: the eternal givingness of the mother / father life force—glad to be with you; glad to be a parent to you forever—no strings attached . . . [burping] . . . no conditions. . . . Let go, dear one, and let God—that’s what we are for: this kind of upliftment.

I’m becoming more relaxed; more peaceful. I welcome this partnership. How can I strengthen it? What else could I know for my health / healing recovery tonight? . . . [passing gas] . . .

That you are dearly loved, Mr. Neall, without judgment—and that there is a place (this place) to take every problem a human being can encounter . . . [burping] . . . that will be available forever: “no end of help.”

It seems almost miraculous. Yet I know I am only limited by my beliefs.

Believe in this partnership, dear one—it will get you home. It will get you what you dearly want: love and empowerment; freedom from religious dogma, internalized authoritarianism and habituated self-punishment.

Yes, yes and yes, I say. . . . Let the healing continue. Let this partnership be my priority. Let love reign in “my world” and on Earth.

That is the plan, dear one: “Heaven on Earth.” . . . [I glance out my windshield onto the waters of Discovery Passage, where fishers in wooden rowboats are seeking the giant tyee, to see a 30-inch salmon leaping out of the water and landing with a big splash.]

Life is active everywhere—and you are a part of it, Mr. Neall. Never forget this. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


August 20, 2013: McDonald’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always with you, dear one.

As I get more energy and expand my social life in Campbell River (and in Vancouver), I will need to come up with a plan, so that I start using my time wisely. The “new vistas” I sought in leaving Vancouver are opening up, through my disciplines, through my spiritual home, and through following my guidance (I had dreamed of “a marathon run to Cranbrook [BC]” in which I got stalled halfway that prompted my holiday in that direction. Getting stalled is what happened: Osoyoos is exactly halfway between Vancouver and Cranbrook. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today?

Dear Mr. Neall: Once again, you are making your Higher Self a priority; taking time to connect to your wisdom, to the Big Picture. Congratulations. We will not let you down—never have and never will. We will endlessly nudge you in the direction of peace and happiness; endlessly support your path of healing—physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially and financially. We are that force that can always be counted on; the partner in creating “a future unlike your past”—no matter how difficult or impossible that past. It’s our (self-appointed) job, and we are good at what we do. You’re starting to get the picture, Mr. Neall: expanded social life; financial gifts [$700 in past week]; a spiritual community with a comprehensible teaching [Science of Mind]; being known and trusted; this dialogue—a failsafe connection that provides whatever is needed in the moment, no matter how dark that moment. . . . Again, congratulations, friend. You are “learning the ropes” of the Good Life. As we have said before: Don’t quit, ever. We will provide every possible mode of assistance—effortlessly, for the asking—

as a good friend would . . . [yawning; tears] . . .

Unconditional love, Mr. Neall—the language you are learning to speak.

And I have the greatest teacher ever. Thank you for not giving up on me (even though I know you can’t: you’re part of me). . . . This feels like “the old days” at Highways 10 and 99 in Delta, BC when I first encountered the notion of “compañionero”; when I was opening to the immense possibilities of such a dialogue; the immense comfort during trying times . . . [burping] . . .

We will be whatever you need, whenever you need it, for as long as you need it, Mr. Neall. We are, always were, and always will be infinite, eternal—and local: right where you are.

And thank God for that. I’m going to do some growling as I ride my bicycle in the summer sunshine, in order to take care of the tension in my solar plexus area.

Self-care, Mr. Neall—your ticket to wellness and success. . . .Vaya con Dios, always. Your Higher Self, Campbell River–style.


August 23, 2013: Walmart parking lot, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, Mr. Neall.

It’s getting easier to find you, dear one—reading this wonderful book Love Poems from God and on my recent holiday in the Eckankar teachings, which my dreams told me brought me some healing. Now, loving is easier, living is easier. I have more energy and less fear. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today?

Dear Mr. Neall: We are glad to be with you—anywhere, anytime. We are glad life is getting easier. When you are happy, we are happier. . . . You are learning that God can be found everywhere—including in your books and the Eckankar sign on the highway east of Osoyoos that prompted you to listen to the CD and get your healing. “There is no spot where God is not,” as your Science of Mind teachings proclaim. Please be reassured that we will never stop teaching, never stop being available to those who seek; that we are indeed the force described by the ecstatic poets in your book Love Poems from God and by Jesus in Walking Through Illusion. Love, love, love, Mr. Neall—the recipe for peace and happiness.

Thank you. . . . In that spirit, I wish now to be guided to my new home in Campbell River, to my new adventure in growth and healing: the situation custom-designed for my next step in life. I am asking for your presence in this, so that I spend as little time as possible camped in a Walmart parking lot this year (my 14 days of free camping in each of the BC Parks campgrounds have been used up for the close-at-hand Elk Falls Provincial Park) . . . though I understand from my studies that God is not like restaurant where I place orders. Still, “the power of prayer” has helped me solve many problems—including my car’s loss of coolant and overheating on my recent trip to Osoyoos. I will continue to pray, to demonstrate to myself and others that a “power greater than myself” is available for help with any situation, large or small.

Dear Mr. Neall: Faith is what will change your life and bring you the freedom from fear and worry, the freedom from unhappy circumstances that you are seeking . . . [yawning] . . . the love and support and peace and wellness that you want; the upliftment and inspiration, not to mention courage and self-compassion and connections. . . . We are part of all of that, and, as the saying goes, “The light never goes out here.” . . . Peace be with you, brother. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self—God of the parking lot, and much else.


August 31, 2013: Walmart parking lot, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, dear friend.

Dear friend” to you as well. Another day and another step (or two) into making meaningful connections in Campbell River, my first consciously chosen hometown. . . . As I spoke with a new acquaintance today, I felt all the qualities we have spoken about here coming through me, to help uplift her. I realized I am taking up “your job”: uplifting humanity. This is very satisfying, to be told that I have inspired someone. It has happened a couple of times now in the past few weeks. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?

Dear Mr. Neall: Please believe that we will never stop being available to teach, to help, to uplift, to guide and mentor. It requires no effort on our part; we simply radiate it out and let it be picked up by those attuned to this level of consciousness—of which you are one. You want answers, and we gladly provide them in a “permanent partnership of spiritual progress,” a “learning of love and light” . . . [yawning] . . . a teaching of hope. As we mentioned last week, “The light never goes out here.” Neither do wishes for your success and happiness. . . . Be well, Mr. Neall. Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self, friend forever.


September 6, 2013: Picnic table, Tyee Spit Park, Campbell River, BC [3:00 p.m.]

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always ready to communicate, dear Mr. Neall.

Dear Higher Self: I’ve had a tough night, eased only by hours of Tonglen breathing. I experienced extreme levels of prostate inflammation or stress, and in my mind heard the words “mortally wounded boy.” I realized during the night that I was self-destructing through isolation again; that I need to make people a priority. My minister had set up an introduction through email with a man who also wanted to connect with males, so I contacted him, but nothing came of it (he declined to respond to my second email). This is frustrating; things need to change. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today, dear one?

Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that we are with you; that we will never hurt you or abandon you, and are nothing like the males you experienced in the past. We are teachers of love and light with vast resources available to help change lives, to nurture hope. We can teach you how to father the “mortally wounded boy” within you; bring him back to life; restore your positive male energies. Every word of this dialogue demonstrates this: wisdom, intelligence, patience, steadiness / dependability, love, caring, maturity, spirituality / infinity / eternality / connectedness, creativity, humour . . . [yawning] . . . The father you have always wanted is here, Mr. Neall . . . [yawning] . . . offering endless presence, endless compassion, endless help at whatever level help is required . . .

. . . Bring your dead inner boy home, Mr. Neall: home to love; home to nurture; home to unconditional acceptance; home to the place where his curiosity and innocence are welcomed; where his spirit is acknowledge and can thrive again; where there is no threat of punishment or violence hanging over everything, ignorantly imposed with the authority of the bible . . . [yawning] . . . where he doesn’t have to separate himself from others in order to feel safe and sane . . . [burping; yawning] . . . where he has found a minister who says, “I like to talk to you, Neall.” . . . It can all change now, Mr. Neall . . . [yawning] . . . You’re in a new city; the old influences can fade; new relationships can begin—including new inner relationships . . . [burping] . . . with both your Higher Self and your child within. We are glad to participate in all of this change. We will help you change and heal yourself forever, Mr. Neall. There is nothing else we do. We’re a “dedicated server,” so to speak—an eternal one.

my saving grace . . .

Whatever you need, whenever you need it,” dear one.

The God of my own heart.”

Most definitely. . . . Endless love to you. Your Higher Self.

[8:00 p.m.]

Leaving Merecroft Village, where I checked my email on my cell phone with Timmy Ho’s free Wi-Fi service, I pull away when the traffic light turns green at Dogwood Street and Merecroft Road. Noticing something moving out my right side window, I turn to see a handsome, grinning boy on a bicycle, head down, pedalling like crazy—racing me on the sidewalk! He turns to face me and gives me the most beautiful huge smile. . . . There’s my inner boy, alive and well again! . . . [tears of joy] . . .


September 11, 2013: Wendy’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Glad to be with you, Mr. Neall.

Thank you. I’m feeling a long way from love and light and peace of mind, dear one—a long way from home. I’ve lost touch with you, despite my best efforts: morning prayers, fresh-air walks, gym workouts, Sunday services, meditation, uplifting reading. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight? How can I reconnect to my heart? To my friend / Beloved / compañionero? . . . Having to get fingerprinted at the police station today in order to pass a Criminal Record Check to do volunteer work was unnerving. The unskilled operator had to do many retakes and finally called in someone more experienced. My lack of a home, thus higher expenses for gas and meals out drains my resources. My energy feels drained as well.

Dear Mr. Neall: You are reaching out for help and we are listening. We are glad to teach you about becoming happier and healthier. We are as patient as we need to be in order to be effective, in order to be heard. We will never quit. We have unlimited resources. We are light (and love)—light that illuminates problems and brings solutions—effortlessly. And nonjudgmental love, to overcome the deep patterns of self-loathing and self-attack and self-judgment—all of which keep you unhappy . . . [yawning] . . . and unhealthy. . . . Give them to us, Mr. Neall. We’ll destroy them forever . . . [yawning] . . .

That’s what I want. Please do. I want my balance back; my wellness; my joy; my strength; my energy.

It’s all available, Mr. Neall. We hold out on no one, and we never will. We give to all who can receive.

Lord, make me a good receiver. Help me to grieve away the pain of the past, to renew myself yet again for this journey in Campbell River . . . [yawning] . . .

We are in a partnership of healing, Mr. Neall, and your wishes cannot be denied. Love and empowerment are available to you through your spiritual practices, including this one. The knot of tension in your solar plexus region can be released, as you know from experience, through growling and / or catharsis. Let yourself make all the noise you want—it bothers no part of the Universe. We are with you for that and everything else, dear one / friend / fellow traveller / compañionero . . . close by—always. . . . We cannot fail; we know nothing of the subject. We radiate love and light and wisdom to all. Claim your share, Mr. Neall, and watch your happiness level rise.

That’s what I want. I am grateful to be reminded of our partnership in healing; in love and light; in learning happiness and inner peace. May it go on forever.

Oh, Mr. Neall, it will. . . .Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


September 15, 2013: Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, Mr. Neall—eternally and effortlessly.

I am in emotional overwhelm, it seems, dear Higher Self. I skipped service at the Centre for Spiritual Living this morning, preferring to study and practise affirmative prayer on my own, plus a session of growling as I walked around the Walmart parking lot in the fresh morning air. In two weeks I will move into my next home in Campbell River, for which I have signed a year’s lease. It is affordable (just), spacious (one bedroom plus office), one block from a shopping centre, close to scenic walks and biking trails, and somewhat private (top floor, corner suite, concrete floor), and will be newly painted and have new ceiling light fixtures and blinds installed before I move in . . .

. . . I believe this is the solidness and groundedness I have been seeking since I left my 68th Avenue apartment in Vancouver seven years ago. I got a big push for this new development through prayer help from my Vancouver healing circle friends (who are also members of a Centre for Spiritual Living). After their prayers, I felt a surge of energy all week, and then just kind of “followed my instincts” to come up with this place. This is the benefit of spiritual community. These are people who care about me, who don’t judge me, and want me to be happy and healthy. . . . What a surrender that was to ask for prayer help a week ago, cutting through the shame and the guilt I carry—a big step in maturity.

Dear Mr. Neall: As you know, we celebrate every success with you, every step forward in maturity, and are glad to do so. Know that your body-building sessions are also helping to strengthen you in all ways, as are your disciplines of living one day at a time and morning prayers and walks. . . . Love and light are available for the asking, Mr. Neall, and you are not afraid to ask. You want to change and grow, thus you will be helped—from an infinite, eternal source that exists for this very purpose.

I keep forgetting this. I keep getting out of touch, over and over; forgetting about happiness and freedom from fear and worry, self-attack, et cetera, et cetera . . .

And we keep doing our job of reminding you . . . and will never cease doing so; never cease being available; never cease being a helpful friend, mentor and guide, teacher of peace and happiness; never cease representing the Big Picture, the eternal and infinite, the compassionate, the limitless, the wise, the source of all healing.

That is the partner I want, and am grateful to have—the one who judges me not for “forgetting,” over and over, that It exists; who helps me to rebuild when I “fall apart”; who brings me strength when I feel weak or broken, small or helpless; who has never failed me ever . . . [yawning] . . .

And never will, Mr. Neall. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your ever-present Higher Self.


September 21, 2013: Parking lot, Timmy Ho’s, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear Mr. Neall.

I did a catharsis session early yesterday while driving on the divided highway, during which I tried shrieking in the highest possible voice—as children do—because I often get upset when I hear children making such noises. My eyes watered profusely, and then they wanted to close and stay closed, so strongly that I had to pull off the highway and allow them to just stay closed for a few minutes. I became very relaxed, and fearless. Later I spent a couple of hours in conversation with a couple of males I met at McDonald’s (one of whom I knew), so there’s progress being made in this important area.

Dear Mr. Neall: You are learning how to heal yourself—finding a way; getting to love and light. Congratulations. Even your dreams are getting in on the action. [Last night I had the most vivid dream in years: I am paddling in a primitive canoe with two others in beautiful, deep, clear, blue-green tropical waters, through wind-whipped spray and large, tumultuous waves. Yet a house sits here on the water. I wonder if I should find a life jacket. Then, in calmer water, I spot the bottom deep beneath me.] . . . “Learning to navigate the deeps,” dear one—the key to happiness and success. The “water of life” is at hand. Feel the excitement of getting to know your own depths.

A big shift is occurring. Living without fear and worry is a very welcome change . . . [yawning] . . . even for a day . . . [yawning] . . . I’ve been stuck for quite a while . . . [yawning; eyes moistening] . . .

Still you are worthy of our love and our teaching. Still there is no judgment on the pace of your progress. Still you are embraced by your Higher Self—held in the arms of compassion and mercy and freedom, the arms of the diamond heart. . . . Claim it, Mr. Neall, and it’s yours. Don’t look back—only forward. Feel the tentacles of happiness beginning to gather around you—that new language you so desire to learn to speak. . . . We will never cease teaching it, dear one, so the only thing you need do is never cease learning.

I am willing, with such a patient and nonjudgmental teacher. This is the teaching I have sought in many contexts, in many places, over many years. I surrender to it once again; claim my empowerment, my strength, my ‘normality,’ my vision of peace and happiness . . . my excitement.

Be blessed, dear one. As we’ve said before, this teaching goes on forever—tune in as often as it suits you. We will not fail you, as others have in the past. Let that mental pattern go, whenever you’re ready to “paddle into deeper waters,” friend. Your guides are with you. We are the life jacket you think you need.

Thank you, friend / teacher / mentor / guide.

It is our happiness to be of assistance. . . .Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


September 25, 2013: Wendy’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, dear Mr. Neall.

What’s happening? I’ve been looking forward to getting into my new home on October 1, but I realize I can’t live in the future any more—I have to be present for each day, otherwise I feel out of sorts. What’s the most important thing to know as I continue to establish connections in Campbell River? How can I have more compassion for myself, more self-acceptance, less judgment and self-criticism?

Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that we are with you, and can help you to come out of your long period of isolation, to emerge from “living underground,” as it were. Your disciplines are all helping you: exercise / yoga / bodybuilding, morning prayers / affirmations, this writing, meditation, walking in the sunshine. . . . We cannot leave you, Mr. Neall—it is impossible. Consider this truth well. We abandon no one. Whatever you need, we can provide: empowerment, love, compassion, hope, freedom from fear and worry, inner strength, peace of mind, happiness . . . [yawning] . . .

You are that “well-situated,” so to speak? . . . [yawning] . . . There is truly such a force in the Universe? I seem to have lost touch with it (again). Despite all of my disciplines, I feel a long way away . . . [yawning] . . .

Dear Mr. Neall: . . . [yawning] . . . We can’t go anywhere; we are everywhere—infinite, eternal, caring, helping, no matter what the circumstances. We have vast experience at uplifting the downtrodden, the depressed, the lost, the hopeless and despairing, the powerless, the dis-eased, the unwhole. Recall: “We are whatever you need” . . .

All I know is that I want some upliftment tonight; to feel better: less tired, less confused, less uncertain; healthier in my lower back and pelvic region; more peaceful in my mind. I’d like to smile more often; to truly believe in happiness as a possible way of life for me . . . There, I’ve said what I want.

Unhappiness is often caused by an unhealed, wounded inner child and / or adolescent. One remains stuck in the past, unable to move forward or make progress, unable to “get on a good path.” . . . Everything you’re doing, Mr. Neall, is helping you to be in touch with your basic goodness, including the relationships with your minister, your naturopathic doctor, and the man, N.H., who facilitated your Finding Freedom group, whom you “accidentally” met at the movie theatre last night and with whom you experienced a moment of true male brotherhood . . .

. . . The Universe is now lining up in your favour, dear one—the result of your efforts and your courage. As you move forward you encounter the deep, soul-searing pattern of internalized self-punishment—the pattern of your traumatized past. . . . Know that you are healing, Mr. Neall—as you recognize at times these days. Know that your Father in Heaven is nothing like the fathers you have known throughout your soul’s long history—never was; never will be.

I need a kind and wise, guiding father tonight. Will you fill that role? Help heal my body and mind?

Since time immemorial we have been able to fill that role, and tonight is no different, dear Mr. Neall—friend, Beloved, compañionero, student of the light . . . [yawning] . . . Let the voices of self-punishment cease. Let the voices of trust and hope be strengthened within you. Let your faith be strong, in this new, non-victimized, healthy identity you are building. . . . You have a partner in recovery, Mr. Neall—eternal, unlimited, wise and knowledgeable in the path of healing. Never hesitate to call on us. We will never let you down, as those you grew up with let you down. This is “something different”; something you will like; something Good . . . [yawning] . . . something unaffected by the human condition . . . [yawning] . . . something utterly dependable, peaceful, foolproof and fail-safe, night or day; something on your side, without judgment of any kind, ready to celebrate every success with you, large or small, to nudge and nourish with gentle strength—customized to your very needs.

I don’t think I’m getting it tonight. I seem unable to receive—too much despair and powerlessness; more catharsis and growling required. I will drive to my “campground.” Thank you for trying to reach me; surely with all the yawning, some level of “waking up” has occurred.


October 16, 2013: Parking lot, Quinsam Crossing Shell Station, Willis Road and Highway 19, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, dear Mr. Neall.

It’s been three weeks since our last ‘encounter.’ I’ve been busy moving into my new place—at last “the real thing”: a compatible landlord, a year’s lease, enough space not to feel cramped, concrete floors so I don’t have to walk on tiptoe, corner suite / top floor so I feel somewhat private, warmth without needing to use the thermostat much, due to heat percolating up from the lower two floors. . . . It’s been a long journey, and here I am, landed in my new home. I am absorbing this change of lifestyle, understanding the tremendous benefit of having a spiritual-minded community, of knowing like-minded others . . . [burping] . . . of being part of a “spiritual family,” being seen and recognized as a “spiritual being,” rather than just a chunk of material stuff wandering around on the planet. This is big step to be integrating. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today, dear one, as I sit in my van here by the gas station to take in the evening sunshine?

Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that there is no judgment on your life: fast or slow, homeless or at home, with coffee or without, parking lot or highway. You are empowering yourself to take on a larger role in life, to take up a new lifestyle: one in which you feel empowered and are no longer “hiding out.” We are with you in this. We also support anything that brings you more fun and more “joy, lightness and ease.” We are here in whatever way is needed, to nudge you in the direction of more happiness.

You are my “happiness coach” . . . Why haven’t I realized this before? . . . [burping] . . . It is my very greatest need. Your knowledge, wisdom, humour—and patience—are much appreciated. . . . What more could I know that could help me feel less confused and more balanced tonight?

Know that you are loved, Mr. Neall, and that your struggle is being witnessed: You are not alone in it. We abandon no one; give up on no one. There is a shepherd for the flock, Mr. Neall, who cares for every creature. It has never been otherwise. You are a welcome member of the “flock” of lightworkers. Be nourished by this information. You need never feel “left out” again, ever. That’s the Good News we are delivering today. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


October 18, 2013: Oceanside parking off Island Highway near Rockland Road, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always with you, Mr. Neall.

I’ve been thinking that this confusion and uncertainty I’m experiencing is caused by my no longer being able to reference life from the point of view of editing / working, so I don’t know quite how to get my bearings in this new reality. Singing practice helps me, as it’s something I’m familiar with. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today, dear one? [I had a nap and then drove home to my South Dogwood Street apartment.]

Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that you are loved; that ‘love and light’ are your bearings: love and light and friendship and hope and empowerment and abundance and wisdom and intelligence and peace and wellness: a full life. Please know that we give up on no one—no matter how difficult their experience of the moment, how ‘far away’ they feel, how ’broken.’ It’s been said, “There is no problem too big for enough love to heal.” That’s where we’re coming from. . . . Whatever is needed: father / mother / brother / sister / teacher / mentor / guide / therapist / inner figure of power and beauty—we are that. And we will never quit: The light never goes out here . . . [yawning; burping] . . .

That’s what I need to hear from today: “The light that never goes out”; The Shepherd; the ni plus ultra; the sine qua non; The Eternal Friend; The Forgiving One—to help me forgive myself for years of overwork and depriving myself of joy and purpose and abundance and peace and happiness and wellness . . . [yawning; burping] . . . Can my past truly become the past? Seems almost impossible to believe . . . and so I turn again to my Higher Self—the Compassionate One . . .

Believe it, Mr. Neall, believe it. Believe in our partnership—that has never, ever let you down; that surrounds you with Eternity . . . with hope on your darkest days; that brings you peace in your mind; that nudges you in the direction of connectedness and happiness—and always will . . . [yawning; tears] . . .

How am to proceed, with the near-constant emotional / physical lower back pain that makes me want to isolate; to stay separate from others? How do I love myself more today?

Dear Mr. Neall: Take as long as it takes to get a smile back on your face. We cannot get tired; we cannot be ‘called away’; the ‘therapeutic hour’ can be stretched. “There is always a way”—as the sign you created and posted in your living room states . . . [burping] . . .

That is what I want to hear. . . . Higher Self, thank you. You’ve been a friend today—you’ve listened.

Any time, dear one. Never forget us; we don’t forget you. . . .Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


October 29, 2013: Parking lot, Quinsam Crossing Shell Station, Willis Road and Highway 19, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always close by, Mr. Neall.

I am unhappy and tense: “stressed out.” Two hours of singing practice a week ago with a woman from my spiritual community, including working up an inspirational solo for a Sunday service, plus considering training a group of singers to perform at December solstice ceremony has proven too much for me, though at the start I liked the sense of being ‘pulled forward.’ Once again there is the back tension, the painful feeling of being out of touch with myself, the wanting to withdraw and not socialize, because talking affects my back, too. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today? How can I “return to love”?

Dear Mr. Neall: What does it take to “reel in an errant mind”? . . . And so you turn to your “friends in high places”; to your source of wholeness, patience, transformation, light and love, your always-available Higher Self, your nonjudgmental partner in growth and healing . . . [yawning] . . .

whose presence in my mind and heart always brings out the best in me. Please continue your teaching today . . .

We are glad to, and there is nothing else that we do . . . [yawning] . . . When we reach the ones like you, we can prove that you are never alone; that love rules the cosmos; that there is no separation between the human and the divine; and no reason for hopelessness or despair—ever; that people can be transformed by the changing of their minds and hearts, becoming almost unrecognizable to their former selves. They find their inner beauty, their empowerment, their connection to a nourishing Spirit, out of which they find a (renewed) purpose for living and the energy to live it . . . people like you, Mr. Neall.

I’m having trouble letting you in tonight. Perhaps I have “too much change” going on—all I can stand right now. And I don’t know my next step. After what seems like the miracle of having gotten a good home at last in my new hometown, there’s so much good happening I can’t imagine any more at the moment . . . [burping] . . .

Whatever it takes to bring a smile to your face, Mr. Neall, we are here for. Feeling safe and secure are precursors of happiness and, as you have learned, you are safe and secure with us. This trust brings you to put pen to paper over and over again; brings you to your saving grace, your power of healing (or change)—the power to get unstuck. . . .Gladly we provide this service, this teaching of mastery over the physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial and social realms—by example.

I am fortunate to know you—as I’ve said before but bears repeating.

Your recognition of our power is what is changing your life and will continue to change it, as you choose to continue this dialogue to the best of your ability.

That is my plan, dear one. “I believe—help Thou mine unbelief.”

We will do so forever . . . [burping] . . .

Is there anything else that I could know today that would assist in my health / healing / recovery?

Never quit, Mr. Neall. Even when things look as tough as they have for the past few days, don’t quit. Do your best to reach us. We are doing our best to reach you and always will—guaranteed. . . . Vaya con Dios to the scribe who doesn’t quit, who no longer believes in the darkness, who always seeks the light. That is the way to grow: call your “friends in high places.” Congratulations, Mr. Neall, once again. Well done. . . . Your Higher Self.



[. . . More soon.]


* * * POSSIBLE END OF MY BOOK HERE * * *


November 2, 2013: Timmy Ho’s, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always with you, Mr. Neall . . . [burping] . . .

I am grateful for my new home situation: helpful, communicative landlord (replaced a leaking toilet before noon on the same day with a deluxe model), quiet building, government subsidy of $127 per month. The past is definitely more past now. I have a “home base” from which to proceed into the future—a future in which I want “love and light” to play a leading role, not to mention ease and effortlessness, freedom, happiness, purpose and peace of mind: especially peace of mind, including fewer feelings of guilt and toxic shame. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today, dear friend?

Dear Mr. Neall: You are demonstrating the effects of the quality known as perseverance, not to mention an expansion of your ability to live in spiritual community and to understand how connection with like-minded others increases your manifestation power and your ability to live abundantly and hopefully (and with support). . . . This surge of spiritual energy has got you off balance, trying to absorb this new, greater reality. Be aware, friend, that we are with you for all of it, and that we support you in living free from the guilt and toxic shame (read “feelings of defectiveness”) that have plagued you for lifetimes . . . [yawning] . . .

I’ve been reeling from overexposure to emotionally toxic environments seemingly forever. . . . It’s the biggest issue I’m wanting help with; the biggest place of stuckness. There seems no way through this issue, manifesting as chronic low back pain, internalized self-punishment and lack of life-force energy. What say you? Does my “unlimited” Higher Self even have an answer here?

Dear Mr. Neall: We quit on no one, ever. We say: Mastery of life is available to all—period. And we are as patient as we need to be in our teaching, and bring as much wisdom as the situation requires . . . [yawning] . . . and as much love and as much light. Forgive everyone their ignorance, Mr. Neall. The past cannot be changed—but it can be healed, as you are learning to do . . . [burping] . . . Congratulations on having taken up this path, and on constantly renewing your commitment to it—as you are doing again this very moment. “Saturday night’s all right,” Mr. Neall. . . . Blessings. Your Higher Self.


November 6, 2013: A & W Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, Mr. Neall, in love and friendship.

That is good to hear. I’ve been through deep darkness for the past week, brought on, I believe, by stepping out with my music: practising with an enthusiastic woman from the Science of mind spiritual centre, offering to lead a musical group and preparing a solo for a Sunday gathering. Suddenly it all collapsed and I had to quit; my emotional strength wasn’t there. At the same time, I’m integrating the “miracle” of my new, spacious and comfortable home, manifested with help of two experienced Science of Mind practitioners in Vancouver. This latter event tells me that I have a philosophy of life that works and that has brought me helpful and knowledgeable friendships. I’m not “falling through the cracks of society” any more. I am “standing on concrete” literally, with concrete floors in my apartment that keep sounds from beneath me from reaching upwards; it also provides some heat for my suite. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today, dear friend?

Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that we love you, and that there is no judgment on your life—never has been, never will be. We acknowledge you as a student and teacher of the light who perseveres; who never quits seeking to learn and grow, to accept the gifts that an abundant universe is always giving, to become happier, as you are, to be in a home environment that makes you feel good. You indeed have something to celebrate and we celebrate your success with you. There is nothing we would rather do. Recall that you had a “big dream” image many, many years ago that showed simply a sign with black lettering on a white background that read “Celebrate Jesus Christ”. That’s it, Mr. Neall. That’s the end of seeking. That’s what you’re learning to do. Celebration = happiness . . . [burping] . . .

No wonder I’ve been confused—I’m speaking a new language these days and I need time to integrate this new lifestyle of empowerment, inclusion . . . [burping; yawning] . . . and abundance. . . . And you are with me for all of it.

We wouldn’t miss it for anything.

The music I can let go of for now; it was a little too intense—too high a vibration for me. I can try it again in a few months. “There’s no judgment on my progress or lack of it,” as I’ve heard you say.

That is indeed the case, Mr. Neall.

Is there anything else I could know about “living the Good Life” today?

You’re living it, dear one. Continue your daily gratitude practice; continue celebrating your success . . . [burping] . . . It looks good on you. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self.


November 11, 2013: A & W Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, dear Mr. Neall—“friends forever.”

I could use some help with the lower back pain, dear one. After my gym workout and catharsis session following, I’ve lightened up some more. I’m getting glimpses that I am part of a worldwide “movement of recovery and healing”—a.k.a. “the search for God.” Please affirm that this is true; that there is “light at the end of the tunnel”; purpose and meaning in my life; that I am being “pulled forward into wholeness”—into sufficiency, connection and happiness.

Dear Mr. Neall: We never cease to be available to those who wish to grow, and we have an unlimited repertoire of qualities from which to draw upon that can help people to expand physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially and socially. Taking pen in hand means you are one of them. . . . There is no judgment on your life, ever, and happiness can grow in that kind of a garden. Purposeful living is part of that, as are connectedness, sufficiency (freedom from lack) and peace of mind. . . . Your disciplines put you on the path, Mr. Neall, and keep you there, connected to the Universe, the Good, the Light—empowered and peaceful and happy. This is a partnership that will never let you down, Mr. Neall—“the light is always on.” Wisdom, mentoring, nurturing, guidance, friendship, fathering / mothering—all part of your Source . . .

the Good News . . .

The never-ending Good News, available “for a song.”

Speaking of which . . . I haven’t been singing lately. The deep overwhelm I experience ten days ago made me think I might not sing again. Perhaps I can come at it from “a new place within me.” Anything you can do to support this will be most welcome.

Dear Mr. Neall: Spend some time contemplating what music, piano-playing and singing mean to you at this stage of your life—and then follow your inner wisdom, your own knowingness. “Coming at it from a new direction” is entirely possible in an unlimited Universe. . . . Know that you are loved, dear one, and that our love will never end. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your multifaceted, multidimensional Higher Self.


November 18, 2013: A & W Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are here, Mr. Neall.

I wish to “renew my faith” today; reconnect with my Higher Self; go to a place free from fear and worry; consolidate some plans for the future; put a smile back on my face. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery, dear one?

Dear Mr. Neall: Please accept our friendship, which is always available to you, as it is to all. As you already know, thinking about your true friends—those who love and care about you—lifts your spirits and brings you into present time. It is the Good Life. Learning to live without lack or fear of lack is what you are doing, Mr. Neall, and you are making progress. Congratulations.

This is the darkest time of the year over the next eight weeks. I ask for your presence—to keep me thinking of light and love; to keep me focused on moving forward as a writer, artist and healer.

It is no effort for us, Mr. Neall—please believe that. “Billions served,” as it is said.

Thank you . . . The Big Picture . . . [yawning] . . .

You’ve got it, Pontiac. Claim your stake in it; in happiness and peace of mind; in wholeness.

I surrender to being a (happy) student today. Teach on, wise one . . .

We never close,” Mr. Neall, as you know: We’re “an always-available partnership in healing.” . . . [yawning; burping] . . .

in love and light . . .

Exactly. And your disciplines bring that to you—even at midnight on the darkest day of the year.

And when the tension builds in my solar plexus region, I do catharsis to restore feelings of empowerment.

Right again. And we are never far away—we can’t go anywhere. We are part of you, and always will be . . .

as friend, Beloved and Comforter . . .

As anything you need when you are experiencing lack.

Again: I’m never alone . . . [yawning] . . .

You can’t be. Just sit down and pick up your pen . . . [yawning] . . .

The power of the pen . . .”—I haven’t understood that so clearly as now. Also: “Having something to say.”

That’s it. You’ve moved another writer in the last week with your words. [Esther Harrison, author of the recently published book Phoenix of Faith: From Delusional Beliefs to Discovery of the Self, said: “I read your blog with conversations with your higher self. That is pretty awesome stuff. Great work, Neall!”]

And a few years ago she bought one of my cloud photographs for the cover of that book—another moment of bliss . . .

And so today you take a day off, and communicate with your Higher Self—who judges you not.

That’s the Good Life: “Do whatever it takes to feel good first—everything else comes second.”

Wisdom, Mr. Neall—you’re learning it. It’s the way to become happier. Connection (with us) is also part of it.

And (with you) I cannot fail . . .

Said before, and definitely worth repeating. . . . Vaya con Dios, friend, compañionero, scribe, healer, artist, teacher, Man of His Word(s).

Thank you, dear one.


November 29, 2013: Home, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always close by, Mr. Neall.

I’m feeling out of sorts, dear one. Hard to find any joy these days, though I am grateful to be settled in my permanent Campbell River home, with most of the furniture I need now in place. I am practising my music once again—I like what I do with it; how it makes me feel to play piano and sing. I’ve started reading the Esther Harrison book, which she sent me. It will be good to connect with another soul who also had an abusive, angry, uncaring father and experience how she navigated her way out of a tragic history. . . . I have fresh carnations in a vase and a miniature rose plant in my living room, which uplift me every time I see their warm colours—hours of pleasure for just a few dollars. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, dear one? How can I best recharge my batteries and reconnect with light and love?

Dear Mr. Neall: You are doing the most important thing—connecting with your Higher Self: tuning in to your “human being filling station.” There is no lack in us: no insufficiency, no hesitation to be of service, no shortage of therapeutic skill or compassion. We are a steady friend and companion whose light and love never cease flowing, and a source of the highest wisdom and intelligence. . . . As you realize from having reviewed this material online today, we can help free you from fear and worry, and we will always do our best to bring a smile back to your face . . . [burping; yawning] . . .

Please do that now, dear one. Do you know any good jokes? I am deep in misery, and back pain from having moved a couch . . . [yawning; tearing up] . . . Plus, I’m still integrating the fact that I have a solid home now, one that is spacious, comfortable and attractive—full of art and music and books. And, after discovering that I am eligible for a $1200 (annual) grant to study at the local college, I’m in the process of registering for Psychology courses that start in January. This will be another step in moving forward out of my past, where I was “emotionally unavailable” for a long time . . . [burping] . . . All this change can get a bit confusing at times. And so I call on my Higher Self . . .

Dear Mr. Neall: We will never let you down, and we reiterate our “eternal availability.” You are truly building “the life of your dreams,” and we applaud your successes—and always will. Please call on us at any time . . . [burping; yawning] . . . for this type of dialogue; for growing your awareness and thus your happiness and peace of mind; your freedom from fear and worry. You are never making a mistake in contacting your Higher Self, as you are more and more realizing from your healing studies. It is a source of healing, happiness, perspective (the Big Picture), friendship, light and love that has no equal anywhere—and for whom all this is effortless. Just tune in, Mr. Neall, to receive your benefits and your blessings. As you are learning, discipline becomes a way of life that makes everything work better. Your morning prayers and walking session set up each day for you now in a way that wasn’t possible before. They help keep you in a positive mood. This keeps you more firmly on the path of happiness and peace. These are qualities we are only too glad to teach, and we will never cease doing so . . . [burping] . . . to anyone who will listen . . . [yawning; burping] . . .

That is the kind of steadiness I have sought in a “partnership in progress” and I welcome your presence at any time, as father / mother / brother / sister, teacher / mentor / guide, friend, compañionero, Beloved, Eternal Wise One or anything else.

The peace that passes understanding . . .”

Love of my life . . . My strength . . . My hope . . . My Redeemer . . . My psychopomp . . . My humourist . . . My saving grace . . . My peace . . .

And more . . .

I am willing to sing your praises night and day . . .

That will change your life for sure. Celebrating is the end of seeking, as you know.

I celebrate your presence, dear one. It is my honour and privilege to know you; to put an end to seeking. May I never forget this wisdom. . . . And so it is.


December 1, 2013: Timmy Ho’s, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always with you, Mr. Neall.

Dear one: I could use a friend tonight. Someone who accepts me just the way I am; who doesn’t judge me or condemn or criticize me for being out-of-sorts, as I was this morning and left the Sunday service not wanting to speak with others. That’s the opposite of how I usually feel at the end of service: expanded, inspired and communicative. I could use someone near me who helps me to integrate the higher levels of deservingness and worthiness involved in having a comfortable, spacious, warm and dry, affordable home; the new levels of self-esteem that have me exercising every day , as well as going for a walk (with scenic mountain and ocean views), and going to the gym twice a week at least. . . .

. . . I believe my new Monday-evening support group (ACOA: Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families) is creating some of this anxiety. It is another effective program for someone like me, who fits the description of an “adult child” in their literature “to a T.” . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, dear one?

Dear Mr. Neall: Peace be with you, friend. We are glad to visit again (and at any time). As you are getting clear about, we indeed have no judgment on your life or your lifestyle. As you learned in the important book you finished reading today [The Trauma of Everyday Life by Mark Epstein, MD], trauma is a much more widely experienced phenomenon than is commonly known. [Epstein’s major thesis is that Prince Siddhartha’s traumatic separation from his mother one week after his birth, when she died, set up the necessary conditions for him to continue seeking until he finally developed into an enlightened being known as the Buddha (“the awakened one”)]. . . . We will never let you down, Mr. Neall; rather we are available 24 / 7 for any situation you face. You are creating a “road map for enlightened living,” and we will give you all the assistance you require, anytime you require it . . . [yawning] . . . no hesitation, no questions asked, no agenda, and always available.

How could I feel good soon? How could I have an enjoyable Christmas / New Year’s season? How could I more effectively “get out of my own way”?

This is the way, Mr. Neall. This is the teaching. You already have many tools at your disposal—ones you have used today: long walk in the sunshine along the ocean; gym / cardio session; growling to feel more empowered; good food and high-powered nutrition; immersion in your writing and artwork. This week you will discuss with a student advisor at the college how to enrol for your Psychology courses for January. And today while at service you saw with your inner vision just what was needed in your life to feel whole and more normal: a new career path based on wholeness; a new level of standing on your own two feet. . . .

. . . Forgive yourself your self-judgment and self-criticism. Let the past go . . . let today go. Let your unhappiness go. Build your self-compassion and self-caring. Spend some time doing mirror work, repeating “I love you, Neall. You are perfect just the way you are,” over and over, while looking into a mirror. Believe it; claim it; become it; be it. Be love and be loved. Become liberated; become free—free from fear and worry; free from crippling self-doubt; free from powerlessness; free from sadness, sombreness, self-pity; free from your traumatic childhood.

Dear one: Light my way—please. . . . Help me reaffirm our partnership; restore my faith. Bring me hope tonight . . . [yawning; burping] . . .

Dear Mr. Neall: This is a new level of stuckness, of darkness, you are encountering. Please be gentle and patient with yourself. Cease all self-criticism. This will require great self-discipline and awareness. Fortunately you have built up your daily practices over the past few years and have learned to trust in them. That is how the path of love and light is built—through hard (mental and spiritual) work. As author Epstein [a medical doctor, therapist and Buddhist teacher] writes, the path lies, rather than in avoidance of your suffering, through it. That is the path you are on. . . .

. . . Congratulations on having the courage it takes. Some days are not easy. . . . But you have a “steady companion” in your Higher Self—the most important relationship of your life; an infallible guide to the Good Life. Stay steady, Mr. Neall, “The times they are a-changing,” as the song goes. Connect with music often, Mr. Neall—as you did today in listening to Massenet’s “Mediation from Thaïs” with virtuoso violin by Janine Jensen [it brought tears to my eyes]. Many people have written (or spoken) about how music got them through a difficult life passage, as you recall. You will be one of those who got through, too.

I get the message, Beloved: music, music, music.

You’ve got it. . . . We leave with blessings, day and night. . . . Vaya con Dios.


December 7, 2013: Home, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are always close by, Mr. Neall.

I got through my day today with lots of prayer. Feeling this morning as if I was once again suffering from “cabin fever” I went for a walk in the bright sunshine (but -7 degrees C). I did several repetitions of the Lord’s Prayer and the Twenty-Third Psalm and felt my dark mood shift; spent an hour reviewing South African leader Nelson Mandela’s life in the Saturday paper (he died two days ago), then proceeded with the next level of maintenance on my van: transmission flush and addition of special additives, plus purchase of a set of four near-new winter tires. These will give me a long run yet with this high-mileage vehicle, I believe. . . .

. . . Tonight I made the effort to show up for a potluck and singalong evening at the Christian church where I attended the Finding Freedom sessions earlier this year. I’m understanding more clearly what it takes to live a balanced life (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially and socially) and am willing to put energy into developing meaningful social contacts, since I seem to now understand how important they are to my happiness (whew!—live and learn). What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, dear one?

Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that we love you, and that we will do everything possible to keep hope alive in your life; to keep you moving forward in your journey of recovery and healing; to keep you in the light rather than darkness (doing our job). Please recall that it is no effort for us; we do it gladly—“in the spirit of things,” as it were. Please also recall that we will never let you down or abandon you—all you have to do is sit down with pen in hand.

Sometimes I don’t want to trust that things can be this easy. I guess that is why you are the teacher and I the student. . . . Can I truly accept my need to stay in school, in order to keep emerging from the pain of the past into a new future unlike anything I’ve known for lifetimes? Is this truly a “force of eternity” that I am communicating with—infinitely larger and more effective than anything I have contemplated so far?

Dear Mr. Neall: We have no qualms about you “testing us to see what we are made of.” You have experience of this already . . . [yawning; burping] . . . (We are made of love and light, by the way.) We are steadier than anything you have ever experienced, and more compassionate than you have ever hoped to experience. We are never victimized (rather empowered), and have a limitless fund of resources to draw upon—encompassing intelligence, patience, humour and much more. We are as big as we need to be and also not averse to details. We will walk you home every step of the way—home to your heart; home to your peace and happiness, to the Good Life. . . . We cannot fail, Mr. Neall. Keep that in mind as you head for your bed. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your friend. Your Higher Self.


December 10, 2013: Home, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always with you, Mr. Neall.

I’m in too much pain today, dear one. I want some relief. Also relief from “cabin fever,” though I’ve had my walk this morning in an inch of fresh snow. . . . Slowly I am making progress in getting connected here in Campbell River, and planning my Psychology courses that start in January. Slowly, through disciplines and daily exercise I’m learning to live in this body, to take care of myself, to love myself (and others). It seems that every time I do demonstrate love, it brings up a new level of pain to deal with. No wonder I’ve been averse to it. . . .What’s the most important thing I need to know about my health / healing / recovery today?

Dear Mr. Neall: We are glad to be with you for this discipline called automatic writing. Congratulations on reaching for your pen yet again; for believing something better is possible—just as did Nelson Mandela [whose eulogy by U.S. President Barack Obama I just listened to on the Internet].

He inspired millions, likely billions, through his belief in forgiveness and reconciliation and justice; an end to racial discrimination . . . [burping; yawning] . . . He came to understand, during his 27 years in prison, that resentment and revenge were not useful tools for building a nation; that he would still be in prison even though a free man, if he let those feelings predominate. . . . He’s an extraordinary man, loved by many.

You are wise to understand that, Mr. Neall.

The question is: How can I overcome my own resentments and lack of forgiveness, in order to move forward into freedom and love?

You’re doing it, dear one, every time you take pen in hand to write in this book; every morning when you do 45 minutes of affirmative prayer; every evening when you “bookend” your day with 20 to 30 minutes of meditation; every time you write in an email “God is love,” as you did two days ago; every time you forgive yourself for a “mistake.”

I should call you “The Great Reminder”—but it’s just you “doing your job of uplifting humanity.” Once again I have “forgotten” about you and your job; your ever-present nature; your compassion, mercy, intelligence and unconditional love; your limitless and eternal friendship: “friends in high places”; your capacity as a “bringer of hope”—and all at the point of a pen. . . . Is there anything else I could know tonight that would help me move forward more effortlessly, free from fear and worry?

Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that we will never let you down. We “don’t know how to do that.” We also know nothing about failure or dysfunctionality. We are—as we’ve said before but bears repeating many times—“whatever you need, whenever you need it.” And we never quit on anyone—it is impossible for us to do so. Given these qualities and characteristics, all that is necessary for your life to shift—in the moment as well as long-term—is for you to have the willingness to pick up your pen.

I like things being simple rather than complicated—so I can handle this (thank God).

Giving thanks and being grateful for whatever you have is the best way to get more—of anything.

I want more love and connection; fewer thoughts of anger or violence.

Dear one, you have all the tools you need, including growling (invoking powerful “grizzly bear energy”), catharsis and body-building sessions. Recall how you felt after your cardio session, gym workout and long hot shower two days ago: fearless and happy. Good news, not?

Good news indeed. I’m still a little unfamiliar with feeling that liberated; still getting used to the idea that anything worthwhile, including moving out of victim stance, requires hard work and discipline.

Good insight, dear one. The ones you admire, including Nelson Mandela and David Ray Griffin, didn’t achieve their accomplishments without dedicated effort. Many people “work hard” at their goals. It is the way for you to “join the world”—your goal, right?

Indeed. No more “victim”. . . . Your presence, your guidance in this transformation, is the greatest gift I will ever have received. And for that I will do my best to be truly grateful.

Be blessed, Mr. Neall—always and eternally. . . .Your always available Higher Self.


December 15, 2013: Timmy Ho’s, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

With you anywhere, dear Mr. Neall.

So, the darkness I went into after I attempted to become a music leader at the spiritual centre seems to have passed. I went to service this morning feeling like a different person. My minister, back from a two-week holiday, said I looked youthful. My singing voice, which I thought had become worn out, seems to be nearly intact, although it’s a full note lower in range than a few months ago. . . . I have a new support group, called ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholic [and Dysfunctional] Families) that seems workable; I fit most of the descriptions in their literature. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, dear one?

Dear Mr. Neall: Again you are willing to take pen in hand. Again you are willing to connect with a part of yourself that is free from fear and worry, free from complexes and complications. Again you are willing to “take a chance on love”; to reach for your freedom; to become happier and . . . burping] . . . more empowered, more connected, more hopeful . . . [yawning] . . . Congratulations. We will never let you down—we don’t sing that song. As the tune you know states: “I Lost the Right to Sing the Blues” [by Karen Drucker] . . .

. . . As you slowly become more aware, you realize that you don’t want to spend much time listening to songs about unhappiness—no matter how professionally packaged. Again, congratulations. Again, please know that we are always with you, and that it requires no effort on our part and no guilt on yours. We are just like your minister, who declared this morning that she enjoys her job and using all her skills and talents in the performing of it; who is generally peaceful and happy and empowered—as you are studying to be. . . . Stay in school, dear one: the benefits are significant. Learning love and light benefits one eternally—and eternity trumps tragedy every time . . . [burping] . . .

I’m feeling more peaceful than when I began tonight. Thank you.

Vaya con Dios, friend, from “the one who never leaves”—your Higher Self.


December 20, 2013: McDonald’s Restaurant, Island Highway, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always with you, Mr Neall.

I’m having a good week, dear one. Got my desk into my office (out of my van, where it had languished for ten days while I made connections to get moving help; the fellow, who I knew from my Finding Freedom course, stayed for tea and we had a good discussion). Also, I found, bought and installed a good set of near-new snow and ice tires the day before the six-inch overnight snowfall. . . . There’s a solstice celebration at the spiritual centre tonight. I’ve hardly noticed the shorter days this year. I best go, just “show up,” be social. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery this afternoon, dear one?

Dear Mr. Neall: We are pleased to be with you, as always Your disciplines and courage are creating results, giving you a stronger identity as a lightworker—a man of light and love; a man who knows where he’s going; a man who is willing to do the work of changing his reality; who understands what the real work is—changing one’s mind. Congratulations. Take time to recall that we are always available and will never abandon you—we cannot.


December 27, 2013: McIvor Lake Parking Lot, 7 km west of Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Glad to be with you, Mr. Neall.

Two days ago I got an inner message to take a holiday, after a three-hour visit at my home with an energetic woman from the spiritual centre. It included my giving her a life coaching and spiritual healing session, so the ice has been broken in that regard now in Campbell River. The message to take a holiday was welcome; my stress levels seem to climb without me being aware of them. Three days later, I’m still having the low back issues that I know from experience make conversation a painful strain. So solitude it is for awhile, dear one, while I prepare to start school on January 8 by studying my Psychology textbooks. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery today?

Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that our love is always available to you—no strings or conditions attached, no hoops to jump through—and that this will always be so . . . [burping] . . . You are willing to do the work, and thus are creating results . . . [yawning] . . . : a life that works on every level: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial and social. Your gym workouts are bringing greater strength and confidence, freedom from pain and suffering, a change of attitude and thus more happiness. We will be your partner in change as long as you want one. Yes, we know that this beneficence is sometimes hard to believe—just as it is sometimes hard to believe that your life is changing for the better after all these years / lifetimes . . .

. . . We will never disappoint you or let you down—it is impossible for us. This is what you have created, Mr. Neall, through your diligent seeking. And when you’re ready, celebrate. That’s the end of seeking: when you’ve learned to celebrate. Recall that the Science of Mind centre in Vancouver was called the Celebration of Life Centre.

I’m not able to do much of it yet—or much socializing. But it’s good to get to know the territory I’m heading into. Thank you for this teaching, this light, this wisdom, dear eternal friend. . . . Is there anything else I could know tonight about my health / healing / recovery?

The ones who succeed are the ones who persevere, dear Mr. Neall. You are one who will succeed. . . . Your parking-lot Higher Self.


* [IN COMPUTER TO HERE.] *



December 31, 2013: Home, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to connect with my Higher Self.

With you always, dear one.

This morning as I was walking, contemplating the year-end and whether it has any real significance, I heard an inner voice whisper: “Write down all the good things that happened this year.” So that’s what I’m going to do.

  1. Had a summer holiday to Osoyoos during which my faith in humanity was strengthened, as well as faith in my ability to “solve problems on the road.”
  2. In the fall, secured a permanent home in Campbell River with a one-year lease and furnished it at little cost. It has everything I wanted: top floor, corner suite for privacy; space (two-bedroom); clean and repainted; new light fixtures and blinds; conscientious, fair-minded landlord (husband/wife team); concrete floors; one block to shopping and restaurants; secure and safe, with respectful tenants; affordable; off-street parking space; able to sing and play piano; view of the sky and, to the west, of sunsets
  3. Vehicle: developed a healthy, empowered relationship with my mechanic; got a near-new set of winter tires; added perhaps years of life with a transmission flush and special additives; major tune-up done.
  4. Spent five months in the Finding Freedom recovery group at Vineyard Church with male support, during which I had a major breakthrough.
  5. Updated this writing and posted it on the Internet.
  6. Empowered myself through intensively studying geopolitics (David Ray Griffin and 9/11); nutrition (The Food Revolution, GMOs and environmental activism); studied Buddhism through Ajahn Brahm videos on YouTube.
  7. Received a student grant of $1200 to study Psychology at North Island College in first-term 2014.
  8. Photography: Hung my own prints in my home.
  9. Slept well, generally.
  10. Discovered “working the body hard” during gym workouts, for pain relief, greater strength and raised energy levels / end to victimization feelings.
  11. Spent months writing a letter to one of my younger brothers that I hadn’t seen in decades and sent it.
  12. Stayed connected to my girlfriend in Vancouver.

That’s a lot of good, dear Higher Self. It was important to write all that down so I don’t “get ahead of myself,” and unconsciously keep “working at” creating good, when it would be more appropriate to be in a state of celebration or gratitude.

That kind of awareness leads to happiness, dear one—something we are only too glad to teach.

I missed one: Stayed connected to my Higher Self, and turned to it whenever I was in difficulty (and even when not). . . . What else would it be important to know about my journey of health / healing / recovery tonight, dear one?

Dear Mr. Neall: You are learning love and light. Congratulations. You are starting to see how love “dissolves problems or doesn’t create them in the first place.” It is a BIG life lesson. . . . You are disciplined: affirmative prayer, walking, meditating, writing, gym workouts. Again, congratulations. Know that you are getting more spiritually connected through these disciplines. This is the answer to “the problem of life.” Everything gets easier. You have more energy. People like to be with you more—big problem for you solved right there, Mr. Neall.

Once again I need you to affirm that you will never leave me.

. . . [tears] . . . {yawning] . . . Oh, dear one, we would not and we could not. The eternal is embedded in everyone—it just needs to be awakened. Thus the power of disciplines, of spiritual seeking . . . which you are no stranger to.

What a partnership!

Available for the asking, dear one—last year, next year, any year. And you are not afraid to ask.

I seem to have developed that quality, all right. Good for me—another one of my “tools for change.” And change = healing. . . . Healing is happening, friend.

Indeed it is. May it continue throughout 2014 and onwards forever, building the success you deserve and have always wanted, Mr. Neall. . . . In partnership. Your New Year’s Higher Self—your lightworker extraordinaire; your Beloved; your teacher and guide; your “steady one”; your master of hope; your peaceful one; your indefatigable one; your humour coach; your holiday coach, and your eternal self. . . . So be it.


January 1, 2014: New Year’s Day: Timmy Ho’s, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

With you anywhere, any time, Mr. Neall.

I’m having a pretty good day here, dear one, in spite of feeling too alone. I think part of the anxiety comes from having experienced profound support by another male at an ACOA meeting two days ago. This program (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families), that I attended twice in November, is addressed to trauma survivors like me. It speaks my language. Now I feel seen and heard in my spirit by a male in Campbell River again (the Finding Freedom program finished in August).

Last night I dreamed a long dream about a former male friend in Vancouver, a handsome man (“Robert Redford lookalike” he called himself once in a Personals ad). Perhaps my longings to feel handsome (rather than unintelligent, unattractive and unwanted) are coming true—an answer to my daily prayers to be released of past-life pain and ugliness (nose cut off by a broadsword in a medieval-era war in England; a leather patch hung on a screw covering that area; I only came out at night to scrabble for food in dark alleys). For this energy to change will be a huge relief; a big step forward. . . . My new safe-and-secure and comfortable home takes on ever greater significance as part of my growth process. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, dear one?

Dear Mr. Neall: There is no problem in sharing your pain. We are glad to listen, to help you heal. You know we will never abandon you—not possible. We have a limitless supply of resources to bring to any situation and are bringing them to this situation now. We are teachers of health, happiness and peace, and we know how to get there.

So, what is my next step then—my first step of the New Year (on a New Moon)? What would love and light say? What would hope say?

With pen in hand, Mr. Neall, you have hope. And you know enough now to take up your pen, and you know that with it there is healing available at any hour, night or day. God doesn’t just show up for “church on Sunday”—as you have learned, to your benefit. As you have also learned, to your benefit, we are “whatever you need, whenever you need it.” The light is infinite; it contains all possibilities—including the possibility of your healing tonight; of you experiencing peace of mind: freedom from fear and worry. It is everyone’s birthright. Claim it, Mr. Neall. Claim your Buddhist teachers (the Dalai Lama, Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse, Ajahn Brahm, Robert Thurman). Claim your empowerment through disciplined living and “tools for change”; through surrender whenever the opportunity to do so arises (as you already do; through an end to self-criticism, self-punishment and self-loathing; through asking for help to transform your past; through loving yourself unconditionally—no matter your history—

So tonight, I would say, I need a teacher and a mentor of unconditional love, of physical, mental and spiritual wellness; a force of inspiration and upliftment, of wholeness.

Well-expressed, dear one, and registered. We are that too—endlessly if need be. And compassionately. And we never quit—as you also know . . . [yawning] . . .

I’m asking you to be with me throughout 2014—though I already know the answer to that: of course you will be. I need only to sit down with pen in hand, accepting that I am a spiritual seeker who wants to grow and expand in partnership with the eternal (and friendly) forces of the universe, through releasing the pain of the past.

Again, well-expressed, Mr. Neall. There is no force that can hold back an idea whose time has come. And it is time for you to heal yourself and take on a larger role helping others to do the same. There is nothing that can stop you now—and nothing will. It’s New Year, New Moon, New Neall. You are learning not to look back except when you get stuck. Keep going, keep growing, dear one. Spirit never sleeps . . . [burping] . . . You are with the Awakened One, who will never let you down. . . . Walk on, Mr. Neall. Growl a bit if it suits, on your way home [one block]. Sleep when you’re tired. Be at peace. . . . Your Higher Self, 2014 edition.


January 11, 2014: Home, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

We are with you, Mr. Neall, as agents of healing—as you discovered when you reread the previous entry just now and you yawned and your eyes became moist (your heart opened).

Agent of healing” indeed. I am grateful for this dialogue; grateful that there is a place to take my moments of darkness, pain and confusion; that receives it unconditionally and helps it to move along and be replaced with a bigger picture—more light and love. . . . This week I began my first- and second-year Psychology classes at North Island College: two lectures a week here in Campbell River and one three-hour class 45 kilometres down the highway in Courtenay. There’s a lot of excitement in being back at school; being in new environments with intelligent teachers and up-to-date, comprehensive and well-designed textbooks; being in a learning environment, rather than solitary. My grant money came through this week, ensuring my solvency in a month when I bought two textbooks at $165 each. I am speaking up in class discussions, being acknowledged for it by my professor, a PhD in Psychology. . . .

. . . I realize that having studied personal growth, various therapies and alternative and spiritual healing for several decades now gives me a different point of view than most students—especially those in their early twenties. I believe I will discover a lot about who I am in relation to others in the year 2014, from attending classes and reading the texts and writing papers. I will emerge from the past and become more present, not to mention better educated. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, dear one?

Dear Mr. Neall: Once again you are choosing to be in dialogue with a wise and light-filled part of yourself. Congratulations. “Excitement” is a word you haven’t used often in recent years, and the events of the week, placing you on a new trajectory of hope, are creating stress. Again, wisely, you have booked a Jin Shin Do acupressure healing session for tomorrow. “Self-care,” Mr. Neall is a magic word for you. And you will find the balance you are seeking—because it will be your intention to do so. You will , as you pray to have happen before each personal encounter, “leave feeling better than when you arrived.” . . . Bless you, Mr. Neall, and your journey of healing (including recently re-established visits with a counsellor).

Again, I ask for your presence in all that I do and have and am. That is my constant prayer—to feel uplifted; to feel like dancing and singing; to be free of back pain and shoulder pain; free of losing my balance at times when I am walking; free from depression and near-psychosis (as I was informed of by Carl Jung in a powerful dream decades ago); free from self-loathing; free from “mind-forged manacles”; free from an unhappy past; free from poverty thinking; free from the pattern of isolating . . . [sigh] . . .

. . . So I bring it all to you, dear one. Take this cross from me, this burden, this unwellness, this hurt and pain and struggle, this lack of freedom. I give it all to you in order to open my heart further than it’s ever been opened; in order to know joy and inner peace, friendship and purpose; in order to know the path of the rose. (On a walking trail near home this morning I found a sticker of one yellow rose on the ground. I brought it home, peeled off the backing and mounted it at the top of my computer screen.) . . . What else could I know about my health / healing / recovery tonight, dear one—the one who judges me not?

Dear Mr. Neall: Perseverance and discipline are your best allies. As Nelson Mandela said: “Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by the number of times I fell down and got back up again.” . . . You will succeed, Mr. Neall. This is an eternal partnership. We are sure but patient. Love and empowerment and thus happiness are yours for the asking (and a bit of discipline—a subject you know something about). Congratulations on this aspect of your schooling. “Celebrate everything” is the basic instruction to encode into your mind . . . [burping] . . . It’s the greatest single piece of advice we know. It is freedom from fear and worry. It is the end of seeking; the end of that knot of tension in your solar plexus that’s bothering you right now. It is “the land of hope and glory”—as you were singing early today on your walk. It is the “love (that) can build a bridge . . . between your heart and mine.” . . .

. . . Never give up, Mr. Neall. We cannot fail. You cannot fail with us—impossible. This is a “partnership of possibility”: a partnership for the liberation of humanity—of which you are a part in your heart. . . . Go in peace, dear one. We are always here. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self. Your friend and guide. Your inner peace.


January 8, 2014: Timmy Ho’s, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

With you without fail, Mr. Neall.

Dear one, I’ve been reading psychology textbooks for hours today. This morning I got the low-hanging exhaust pipe fixed on my van. After much praying, affirming I would get “expert, efficient, economical and effortless” mechanical service, I emerged with a bill of just $43. Thank you for your endless presence, creating freedom from fear and worry, about anything . . .

. . . Yesterday, after a good workout at the gym, releasing the stress of psychology classes three days in a row, I had a moment of freedom: I was free from any psychological or physical symptoms. Stimulated by my Psychology 235 (Abnormal Psychology) professor’s lecture on all the drugs used in treating mental disorders (as well as by a question from the minister at the Centre for Spiritual Living on whether I had ever used drugs in my healing journey), I imagined myself writing an article called “How I Overcame Near-Psychosis, Neurosis and Depression Without the Use of Drugs” . . .

. . . The past twenty years came clearly into focus: studies with a yoga master in yoga and Yoga Vedanta philosophy / reincarnation, studies in psychic healing, in Jungian psychology / dream analysis, the EST training, learning Buddhist meditation, experiencing loss and grief counselling, learning affirmative prayer, getting an Astrocartography report, participating in a vision quest and sweat lodges, 12-Step Recovery groups, learning to sing and play piano, learning to write, learning to take effective photographs, with Kabalarian philosophy / numerology getting a name change, exercise / bodybuilding, solitude / camping / “getting off the beaten track,” searching for and finding a new home town (as a result of the Astrocartography report) . . .

. . . Where others may have depended on drugs to deal with their maladaptive symptoms, I obeyed my own unconscious, which in a dream one night advised me clearly and concisely: “The pylorus (stomach) is a drug-free zone”. . . . So, instead I explored my own inner world and eventually discovered a higher power—one that will never let me down; and that lives in me—that I am hardwired for. . . . .

. . . I am emerging from a long journey into wellness (not complete yet)—just as is described in the movie “Finding Joe” that I saw at the spiritual centre last night. “Joe” in this case is Joseph Campbell, renowned author / teacher / mythologist, who found the story of “The Hero’s Journey” in every culture he studied. This film describes that journey, through the voices of many who had successfully completed it and returned transformed and ready to pass on what they had learned to the community they had left. . . . What’s the most important thing I need to know tonight for my health / healing / recovery, dear one?

Dear Mr. Neall: Please know that we are with you, and that there is no reason for us to ever leave. Your seeking is paying off, you realize. “Doing the unusual” (going to the gym for weightlifting sessions) is paying off for you. Your years of exploring to discover and develop your gifts and talents are paying off. Your disciplines are paying off. Your courage is paying off. Your studies are paying off. You are finding your place in society—as a Man of Spirit, uniquely equipped to help others find and build their faith. Congratulations. You are “slaying your dragons” (your fears), just as the boy did in the movie last night—a moment that brought tears to your eyes and thus healing to your soul . . .

. . . “Fear not: for, behold, I bring you tidings of great joy.” These words, that you heard, dear one, the night your mother died, from a presence of great power and comfort that appeared in your living room on 68th Avenue in Vancouver, are with you always, too: a message of hope, giving you strength . . .

As you are learning, Mr. Neall, endless resources are available to you (and to all) from a source glad to help at any and every stage of the hero’s journey—a source that always will be. That is our promise—and we never go back on our word. . . . Claim your bliss, Mr. Neall; claim your peace of mind, your “future unlike your past,” your empowerment, your light and your love, your partnership in growth—a partnership that need never end . . . [yawning] . . .

Just “bring pen to paper . . .”

. . . and heart to your life.

Thank you. I’ll do some growling on the way home to relieve the tension in my solar plexus. . . . May God prevail, may good prevail, may peace prevail throughout the universe, always.

It does, dear one, it does. . . . Vaya con Dios. Your Higher Self, January 18 version.


January 24, 2014: A & W Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

Always with you, Mr. Neall.

Thank you. I am grateful. You seem close by frequently—you’re becoming a dear friend that I can call on through prayer or meditation, and now through writing. What a blessing to begin letting go of the terrible insecurity I used to live with, the isolation, the lack of love, the chronic health issues. . . . I’m asking you to be with me in my Psychology studies, which are getting intense as I get deeper into the course material and begin to create a paper and prepare for exams. I am so grateful for my stable home, my transportation and my connections with others that enrich my life. . . . What’s the most important thing to know about my health / healing / recovery tonight?

Dear Mr. Neall: The pace of your life is picking up. Your workouts are bringing you new strength. Your disciplines are bringing you more peace of mind, and freedom from guilt and shame. Your new herbal supplement [rhodiola, again] is bringing you mental / physical / emotional balance. Your Higher Self is bringing you love, purpose and freedom from fear and worry. . . [yawning] . . . Some growling on the walk home again will help release the tension in your solar plexus . . . [yawning] . . .

Love”—the magic word. Also self-forgiveness, release of judgments and self-judgments, and unconditional love—the food of life. Thank you for continuing to teach me, during prayers and meditation—any time—as I “re-trajectorize” myself; as I “rejoin the world” at a new level; as I integrate the past 20-plus years of seeking and growth; as I let go of the problems of the past and grow in peace and happiness, in Buddha nature, in compassion and surrender—especially self-compassion or heart. . . . What would love do tonight, dear one? . . . [burping] . . .

It would smile, Mr. Neall—because it’s starting to feel safe and secure at last in you, and ready soon to reclaim a sense of humour and ease; ready to own (in public) a relationship with the Source—with a greater power—as the way out of the problems of life; a nurturing relationship with the forces of love and light that never quits, that judges not, that is the best, most-patient teacher of happiness—a friend in need and a friend indeed. . . . Freedom from fear and worry, Mr. Neall. Claim it. Own it—your awakened, empowered Buddha nature; lightworker; therapist par excellence; guide; teacher; man of purpose and path . . . “Friday night writer.”

I’m getting recharged. Looking ahead at the next (long) chapter in my Abnormal Psych text on anxiety disorders this evening got me worried. How could I ever absorb / learn / pass a test / write a paper on this complex material?

But a man with a vision of becoming a “therapist par excellence” could get through it?

Yes . . . [yawning] . . . New hope. Something you are good at . . .

And we always will be, dear one. Part of our (gentle) power.

And peace . . .

Indeed. . . .Vaya con Dios, beloved. Your Higher Self. Your companion through everything.


January 31, 2014: A & W Restaurant, Merecroft Village, South Dogwood Street, Campbell River, BC

I wish to speak to my Higher Self.

With you always, Mr. Neall—any time, anywhere.